SNL Season 30 – REVEALED!
Episode 13: Hilary Swank/50 Cent (
The
Rating System: Totals:
4 Coneys –
Best Ever 0-10
Coneys – Garbage
0 Coneys –
Worst Ever 11-20
Coneys – Needs Improvement
21-29
Coneys – Average
30-39
Coneys – Above Average
41-49
Coneys -
Instant Classic
50+
Coneys - Unparalleled SNL Genius
1. Cold Opening:
Neverland Ranch
Premise: Michael Jackson receives visitors while at
home with the flu
Jason: 0
Coneys Heather: ½ Coney
Jason: 2
Coneys Heather: 1 Coney
Jason: 1
Coney Heather: 1 ½ Coneys
Premise: Talk show about the Botox lifestyle
Jason: 1 Coney Heather: 1 ½ Coneys
5. Commercial Parody: Grayson
Moorhead Investments (#2)
Premise: Investment firm that prides itself in losing
client’s money
Jason: 1 Coney Heather: ½ Coneys
6. Sketch:
Hot Plates
Premise: Customers dine
at a restaurant where plates are extremely hot
Jason: 4
Coneys Heather: 1 ½ Coneys
7.
Sketch: Debbie Downer
Jason: 0 Coneys
Heather: 0 Coneys
8. Music:
50 Cent “Candy Shop”
Jason: 0 Coneys
Heather: 0 Coneys
9.
Weekend Update
Jason: 2.5
Coneys Heather: 2 Coneys
Premise: Soap opera
actress needs the help of a crying coach
Jason: 1/2
Coneys Heather: ½ Coney
11.
Sketch: City Court with Aaron
Neville
Premise: Aaron Neville presides over
courtroom show
Jason: 3 Coneys
Heather: 3 Coneys
12. Sketch: After the Grammys
Premise: Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez
continue to sing back at their home
Jason: 0
Coneys Heather: 1 Coney
13. Music:
50 Cent “Disco Inferno”
Jason: 0
Coneys Heather: 0 Coneys
14. Sketch:
Project Runway
Premise: New reality show to find the perfect
designer
Jason: 1 Coney Heather: 2 Coneys
Final Coney Order (out
of a possible 56):
Jason: 16 Coneys Heather: 15 Coneys
Episode Comments:
Jason: And the winner of the worst episode of SNL Season 30 to date is…Hilary
Swank. Better luck this Sunday at the
Oscars Hilary.
I’m more than
a little surprised Swank managed to unseat Colin Farrell in terms of lousy
episodes. This latest installment of SNL
was plain and simply broken record festival.
Rounding out what can safely be called a February slump, Swank’s episode
showed little creativity and too much reliance on safety laughs. Question for the writers: am I to believe that all your comedy
training, higher education and NYC salaries only add up to another Debbie
Downer segment? C’mon.
Similar to
Topher Grace, completely blaming the host isn’t entirely fair. Swank appeared fairly confident and
comfortable in front of the cameras for not having much comedy under her belt
(a fact she reminded us of during her monologue). What sunk the crew was crap like Neverland
Ranch, Sheila Choad’s Los Angeles Face, Debbie Downer and Seasons of Love. These four sketches easily made up some of the most uninspired comedy
seen on TV in a long time. I think half the country stopped laughing at Macaulay Caulkin’s hands
to the face routine, stiff faced Botox jokes and Maya Rudolph long enough ago
for a red flag to go up during the weekly creative process.
And where did
we get to turn for relief? Why none
other than 50 Cent of course (or “Fitty Sent” according to Swank). Am I the only one wondering if 50 Cent has
gotten more SNL screen time than Jerry Minor yet? 50 Cent’s latest SNL appearance was
unfortunately about as entertaining as his last two times. This makes it very hard for me to see this
guy’s attraction. Granted I’m not a rap
fan, but at least Ludacris sparked my interest a few weeks back.
Just when I
was about ready to shut off the episode for good, none other than Horatio Sanz
came to the rescue. His Hot Plates
sketch tonight was absolutely hilarious.
“Ha-la-la-la-la hott pla-tes”. Despite being a simple one-joke premise, it
worked. Something about Sanz overreacting
as drastically as he does (especially in a Fallon free environment) really gets
me laughing. Later in the show, Sanz debuted a damn near perfect impression of Aaron Neville to
keep his hot streak going. It seems
Neville, who is not a judge but simply likes settling disputes, is now hosting
a TV court show. However, he uses a
majority of his time to rave about cocoa butter rather than hearing out the
case at hand. This sketch succeeded
because it broke the monotony seen during most of the episode’s first half. It is ashamed these two wonderful sketches
are attached to such a forgettable episode.
This leaves us
with Weekend Update. Although Poehler is
really finding her voice, it has been hard not to notice how dry it has been
over recent weeks. I put most of this
fault on Fey. Heather has already
pointed out how Fey’s in-between joke banter has gotten a bit out of hand lately,
but it also seems she simply isn’t giving it the effort she used to. Now that she is a millionaire and on her way
to becoming a household name, she seems content with just rolling out anti-Bush
jokes and slang every week. Some have
predicted that despite the multiyear contract she signed with SNL not too long
ago, this Mean Girl may be setting herself up for a departure come May. I don’t know if I’m on board with this theory
yet, but after a few more Updates like this, I can’t say I’d miss her
much. Luckily, Armisen debuted his Tom Jankeloff character who was let loose on the
SNL now gets
a, cough cough, well deserved break and returns live
Heather: Ok, seriously. What is it going
to take for SNL to break out of this less-than-average slump they’ve fallen
into? Here’s a suggestion: Quit airing recurring skits/characters that
aren’t funny. Here’s another: Quit having the same boring musical guest
come back every season for the past three seasons. One more:
Please don’t bring back essentially the same ideas again and again and
play them off as new just because they have a different name or use different
people. Exactly one half of the sketches
shown in this episode, with host Hilary Swank and musical guest 50 Cent, fell
into one of the above three categories.
No wonder it ranked as the second to worst episode of the season.
Recurring
skits and characters tonight included Debbie Downer and Michael Jackson at
Neverland Ranch. If there was ever a
sketch that needed to be retired, it is Debbie Downer. This time at the Academy Awards, Debbie yet
again finds a way to thoroughly disgust those around her with her pessimistic
statements. The writers’ best stab at
making this go around different was using dog sounds instead of cat meows and
leaving out the tired “feline aids” joke.
Sorry guys, not nearly enough to make up for that 3 minutes of my life I
just wasted. While I was a bit surprised
at how long it took for SNL to make fun of him, the Michael Jackson cold opener
certainly didn’t surprise me with any laughs.
Swank’s
monologue, in my opinion, was another classic example of an over-used
idea. While the concept of the host
walking around the studio and encountering various cast members has been done
successfully before, Swank’s routine seemed to be just that; routine. And also maybe a way to
show off her jump-roping skills from Million Dollar Baby.
And what about Grayson Moorhead Investments? Or should I
say, Grayson Moorhead Securities? I knew
I had seen this before and with a little investigation, rediscovered that this
very commercial spoof had been done nearly ten years ago, but this time with a
another name and a few more lines spoken by Mr. Jim Downey. Overall, however, both were disappointingly
similar.
50 Cent as
musical guest failed to offer any entertainment value, whatsoever. As far as I’m concerned, he is a huge reason
as to why the show flopped so bad in regards to coneys, much like Kelly
Clarkson boosted last week’s disaster with creepatronic Jason Bateman.
On a brighter
note, Sanz and Armisen provided some real comic relief that I’m convinced got
me through the show. Sanz was so best as “Judge” Aaron Neville in the City Court
sketch. The funniest part, by far, was
Sanz’s little dance in that sleeveless judge’s robe during the opening
credits. I still can’t get over how much
he sounded like Neville! Despite some
obvious likenesses to Fallon’s singing in Barry Gibb Talk Show, I still enjoyed
this skit very much. It was great to see
Sanz expand his character repertoire a bit.
In the same way, Weekend Update saw yet another outstanding character
from Armisen, Tom Jangeloff, a native New Yorker interviewing people about “The
Gates” exhibit in
Speaking of
Weekend Update, Fey and Poehler are getting way out of hand with the little
remarks and giggles in between jokes.
Quit commenting on your delivery, Fey!!
And stop condescending the audience when, Heaven forbid, they think your
joke is a little off color. It appeared
that Poehler was even flustered enough from the “boos” to pull a Fallon by
throwing papers off the desk after their goodnights. Worst.
The remaining
skits of the night turned out to be rather average. Project Runway had a moment with judge Parnell’s remark about “clothing tsunamis.” Hot Plates’ over-exaggeration of just how hot
restaurant plates really are was decent enough, but turned very strange the
minute Forte stumbled out in a devil’s suite to exclaim, “You’re in Hell!” Sheila Choad’s L.A. Face, Seasons of Love and
After the Grammys seemed more like fillers than anything else and Swank’s huge
flub in After the Grammys surely didn’t help matters.
I was really
hoping to say that this week’s episode turned out to be much funnier than I
expected, but sadly it looks like my preshow comments were pretty accurate, at
least in my own opinion. I believe Swank
really did try her best to put on a decent show, but again, the writing, or
lack thereof, really kept that from happening.
Seeing 50 Cent perform three times in as many seasons certainly didn’t
do anything to make it a better night either.
Let’s see if a three week break can work wonders with the cast and crew
when the show returns live with host David Spade and musical guest Jack
Johnson.
SNL Coney Rankings: Season 30 – REVEALED!
Jude
Law/Ashlee Simpson – 41
Paul
Giamatti/Ludacris (with Sum 41) - 33
Luke
Wilson/U2 – 29
Robert
DeNiro/Destiny’s Child - 28
Liam
Neeson/Modest Mouse - 25
Ben
Affleck/Nelly - 23
Queen
Latifah – 22
Jason
Bateman/Kelly Clarkson - 20
Kate
Winslet/Eminem – 21
Topher
Grace/The Killers - 21
Colin
Farrell/Scissor Sisters - 18
Hilary
Swank/50 Cent – 16
Heather:
Jude
Law/Ashlee Simpson – 35.5
Paul
Giamatti/Ludacris (with Sum 41) - 29
Robert
DeNiro/Destiny’s Child – 26.5
Liam
Neeson/Modest Mouse - 23
Luke
Wilson/U2 – 23
Jason
Bateman/Kelly Clarkson - 19
Kate
Winslet/Eminem – 18.5
Colin
Farrell/Scissor Sisters – 18.5
Topher Grace/The Killers - 17
Ben
Affleck/Nelly – 16.5
Hilary
Swank/50 Cent - 15
Queen
Latifah – 14.5