whatevs.org presents...

"SNL - SEASON 31 REVEALED"

by Nummer and H-Bomb

Episode 15: Antonio Banderas / Mary J. Blige (4/8/06)

CONEY RATING SYSTEM
= John Belushi
= Amy Poehler
= Tim Meadows
= Melanie Hutzel
= Charles Rocket
= Self-Explanatory

0-10 Coneys – Garbage
11-20 Coneys – Needs Improvement
21-30 Coneys – Average
31-40 Coneys – Above Average
41-50 Coneys - Instant Classic
51+ Coneys - Unparalleled Comic Genius

OAD = Original Air Date*

(*To be fair, coneys will be awarded the same as they were the first time they aired)

Armisen’s “Deal or No Deal”, Hammond’s Dan Rather cameo on Weekend Update and the fact that Maya Rudolph was nowhere to be seen were pretty much the only highlights of this week’s SNL.

Starting with the “Deal or No Deal” spoof, Armisen’s Howie Mandel impression definitely ranks next to Tony Danza, George Carlin and James Dyson as his best caricature work. The sketch itself had a few dry spots, but Armisen’s energy combined with the sheer confusion of the whole show’s premise kept things from getting too stale. Love the way he said “DEEEAAAL……or no deal?”

Hammond to the rescue? Maybe it was because the rest of the show was so lame, but his Dan Rather impression (yes, the same one he’s been doing since 1997) was surprisingly funny tonight. Showing up on Update to poke fun at Katie Couric, his sarcastic jabs at female newswomen more than echoed Will Ferrell’s “Anchorman”, but Hammond managed to make it his own by the end. With some reworking, this bit should have been the cold opening instead of Seth’s “Hardball” wannabe Anderson Cooper 360 parody.

Finally, as much as the episode blew, Banderas tried his hardest. Even during the weakest moments of “Filming Zorro”, you could tell Banderas was still having fun doing the show. Hopefully he’ll get to host again when the cast and crew are a bit more inspired creatively.

Armisen seemed to be the only truly funny aspect about this week’s show with host Antonio Banderas. In fact, his stints as Howie Mandel in Deal or No Deal and as the overly emotional mustached man in Besos Y Lagrimas were the best of the evening. His facial expressions alone were worth the coneys. Unfortunately for Armisen, though, he may have only won by default as the rest of the show was tepid at best. Nevertheless, I’m glad Armisen was able to provide some laughs in an otherwise lackadaisical show.

Even though Banderas wasn’t all that impressive as host, I just can’t bring myself to put him the Bad category. Did Banderas demonstrate that he was cut out for live comedy? Absolutely not. But I really felt he tried his best to put on a good show and he certainly never lacked in the enthusiasm department. While he definitely shouldn’t quit his day job, Banderas seemed to really have fun with his hosting duties and it showed. I just wish that there could’ve been better sketches to back up some of that gusto.

Where do I start? I seriously had to go back to the February 2005 Hilary Swank/50 Cent shit storm to find an episode that scored lower than this. As always, what sank the ship were the usual SNL trouble spots: weak writing, too many recycled ideas and not enough of the featured players (Hader didn’t show up once!). All this is especially shocking considering the last live episode (Matt Dillon/Arctic Monkeys) was damn near an Instant Classic. Is this still the same crew?

The two zero coney sketches, “Filming Zorro” and “Voice Over Date”, were simply mind numbing to sit through. I’m also sure things like “Basic Instinct 2”, “Rascals Karaoke Bar” and the latest backstage bit all read great on paper, but just ended up dying due to poor execution. That said, mark my words Poehler’s “Mary Ann” character (“Rascal’s Karaoke Bar”) will be back for more singing if not before the end of the season, then early in the 2006-2007 shows. And just when I got excited to see “Besos Y Lagrimas” back for the first time since Christina Aguilera’s February 2004 episode, I quickly realized they were just recreating it nearly scene for scene. C’mon.

Blige didn’t do much to help the cause either. I’m not exactly an R&B fan, but this just seemed so run of the mill.

SNL’s most glaring mistake this week was allowing the absence of Bill Hader from the show all together. Does Lorne have some love / hate relationship with Hader? The last episode with Matt Dillion, Hader was all over the camera and, not surprisingly, helped to make that show one of the best this season. And now, nothing? Very bad move, you guys.

So, instead of laughs from the cast members that can actually provide them, we are stuck with the likes of Finesse Mitchell and, go figure, his rendition of an angry black woman (a.k.a. Starkisha aged a few years). And not only did we have to sit through crappy current cast members, we were also treated to a crappy former cast member, Mr. Chris Kattan. Don’t get me wrong, back in the day Kattan positively proved his worth on the show. But that was back in the day, not 3 years after you left the show and certainly not the 6 or 7 years after you stopped being funny. Seriously, man, give it up.

Overall, I think the real plague on this show was the horrible sketch writing. Instead of gems like Diluth Live and The Unicornery, we were subjected to 90 minutes full of jokes revolving around illegal immigrants stealing American jobs, basketball lesbians, Banderas in a dress and, don’t forget, beaver shots. Is it possible to go more than a couple of episodes without poking fun at human genitalia? Bottom line, these ideas were a total disappointment, especially considering everyone had a 4 week break.

With all the forward strides SNL has made in quality over the past few months, I actually started to forget episodes could be this bad. I really hope we aren’t entering a string a lazy late season episodes here. It would be a shame for a season that began to show so much promise just fizzle out. Can they turn it back around in the remaining 4 shows?

This episode was a letdown, to say the least. While I wasn’t expecting the entire show to ride on Banderas’ shoulders, I foolishly anticipated some laughable material from the writers. We all know it’s possible after the last run of episodes, now I guess the goal to aim for is better consistency. And don’t be afraid to give a little airtime to the real stars of the show, even though they are only the lowly featured players.

CONEY COUNT

1. Cold Opening: Anderson Cooper 360
Premise: Recurring parody of the CNN news show

2. Monologue: Banderas

3. Commercial Parody: Basic Instinct 2: Return of the Beaver
Premise: Movie trailer parody

4. Sketch: Deal or No Deal
Premise: Parody of the NBC gameshow

5. Sketch: Voice Over Date
Premise: A man meets a woman who is the voice of phone automation systems

6. Sketch: Besos Y Lagrimas
Premise: Recurring parody of Spanish soap operas

7. Sketch: The 13th Annual Woman’s Basketball Coach’s Fashion Awards
Premise: (See sketch title)

8. Music: Mary J. Blige “Be Without You”

9. Weekend Update
Guests: Hammond, Mitchell, Forte and Kattan

10. Sketch: Filming Zorro
Premise: Banderas brings in an overweight double to film love scenes

11. Sketch: Rascals Karaoke Bar
Guests: A Karaoke host gets in the way of volunteer performers

12. Sketch: Backstage at SNL
Cameos: Cast members worry about losing their jobs to immigrants

13. Music: Mary J. Blige “Enough Crying”

14. Sketch: Wine Snobs
Sketch: Three friends share various bottles of wine

TOTALS

17 / 56 Coneys

22.5 / 56 Coneys