SNL Season 29 – REVEALED!
Episode 17:
Janet Jackson (4/10/04)
The Rating System:
4 Coneys – Best Ever
0 Coneys – Worst Ever
Totals:
0-10 Coneys – Garbage
11-20 Coneys – Needs
Improvement
21-30 Coneys – Average
31-40 Coneys – Above
Average
41-51 Coneys - Instant Classic
55+ Coneys - Unparalleled
SNL Genius
Pre-show Comments
(4/9/04):
Jason: Although I
don't think this episode will be spectacular, SNL has
nowhere to go but up after last weekend's Trump nightmare. Jackson's last
SNL appearance (I believe) was on 5/14/94 as the musical guest of the famed
Heather Locklear episode. How she'll do with double host/music duty is
anyone's guess. The only acting I've seen her do was in 1993's
"Poetic
Justice" opposite Tupac. I have to say, that film was a little
forgettable.
My big concern will be Maya screen time. I have a bad feeling she'll roll
out some kind of singing character just to duet with Jackson. Another
fear
is based on the other music stars who have hosted this season like
Timberlake and Simpson/Lachey. If history is any guide, look for 75% of
the sketches to revolve around singing. Worst. Poehler's Michael
Jackson
impression wouldn't surprise me either.
I've also read that Simon Cowell will be a guest star for the episode. I
wonder what capacity he'll be used in?
Heather: I have
definite mixed feelings about Jackson hosting this week's
SNL. On the one hand, I think her hosting is a terrible idea simply
because I am so sick of hearing about the whole Super Bowl fiasco. After
the "Trump Show" we had to endure last week, I really don't want to
witness
another "one-idea" show where all we're gonna see is jabs at
Jackson's
maybe/maybe not publicity stunt. On the other hand, Jackson has done her
share of acting, albeit years ago. Not that she was the greatest actress,
but she is still a performer, so she might be able to pull of more than the
old song and dance routine. The one good thing is that I pretty much like
most of Jackson's songs, so I'm hoping that her performances are at least a
plus for this show. Otherwise, it's a complete toss-up in my opinion.
1. Cold Opening: Condaleezza Rice and Dick Cheney
Premise: Cheney prepares Dr. Rice for her public
testimony
Jason: Much like Aguilera’s surprising impression
of Kim Cattrall, I found Janet Jackson’s Condaleeza Rice to be quite
funny. Everything Jackson did from the
“Condie smile” to the democrat “sneer” was very well rehearsed and came off
great. It was also nice to see how well
her and Hammond were able to play off each other – especially Cheney’s “audible
gasp” practice.
SNL also opted for an
early joke regarding the Jackson Super Bowl incident when Cheney suggest Rice
“flash a boob” if she gets into any trouble on the stand. However, it was another mission accomplished
for SNL and NBC. The AP picked up the
story on this sketch Sunday morning giving SNL more media attention after last
week’s Trump hype. Hopefully this
episode won’t follow the Trump Apprentice pattern and mention this topical item
in every sketch though.
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=514&e=9&u=/ap/20040411/ap_on_en_tv/tv_snl_jackson_4
2.5 Coneys
Heather: I have to say, it was nice to see a somewhat
decent opening for a change. In my
opinion, Jackson was actually quite impressive as Condoleezza Rice. Her “Condi” smile and sneer had me
chuckling. I’ve always liked Hammond’s
impression of Dick Cheney and this time around seemed even better with his
creepy laughs and smiles. His “audible
gasp,” along with his statement about Richard Clark’s heroin addiction being
“classifiiieeed” had me laughing out loud.
I really wish they would’ve left the boob flashing reference out of it
though.
2 Coneys
Jason: Opening line: “Did anyone happen to see the Super Bowl”? Worst.
Moments later, the breast
flashing event was brought up a third time in the form of an old Jackson family
home movie. Seriously. We are less than 10 minutes into the show
and this incident has been mentioned THREE times already. C’Mon.
A bathing suit malfunction when you were a little girl? Who is writing the jokes for this show these
days? Leno’s staff? Worst.
The only thing funny was the home video featuring the “other three”
Jackson siblings who nobody talked too.
1 Coney
Heather: Ugh…another Super Bowl mention right off the
bat. Well, I suppose the topic HAD to
be brought up and the monologue was probably the best place to do so. It’s just too bad that SNL couldn’t be
clever and come up with something totally apart from the whole
controversy. With the exception of the
three siblings of Jackson’s that no one talked to because they were “creepy,”
this was just too boring and predictable to be at all amusing.
½ Coney
Premise: The
host of an animal showcase can’t keep his mind straight
Jason: What in the hell is this? Morgan left the show less than one year ago
and this is already the SECOND appearance of Fellow’s this season (see Sharpton
12/6/03)! I’m really sick of Morgan
just showing up on SNL whenever there is a host he would obviously like to work
with. If I were a current cast member,
I would be furious that Morgan is allowed to waltz in and land the opening
sketch spot. How are new sketches going
to take form when Lorne keeps taking two steps back into the past? Horrible.
0 Coneys
Heather: Uhhh….I almost thought that the channel got
mysteriously changed to one showing a rerun, just like I did with the Stuart
Smalley sketch from the Gore/Phish episode last season. Totally worst. And the real kicker….Forte FINALLY shows up for the first time in
3 weeks and it’s for fucking Brian Fellow.
Double worst.
0 Coneys
Premise: Obnoxious women wait in line for Janet
Jackson tickets
Jason: Finesse finally gets a chance to bring back
his Starkisha character that nobody asked to be recurring. This is now the third time Starkisha has
made an appearance this season (see 10/4/03 Black and 10/18/03 Berry). Too bad Finesse has again failed to bring
much new material to a role that should have never been expanded from it’s
debut Weekend Update correspondent bit.
Only Keenan’s “I’m just as scared of people like that as you are” line
was remotely funny.
0 Coneys
Heather: It’s too bad they didn’t just have Starkisha
be a guest on the Brian Fellow’s sketch and kill two birds with one stone. This was HORRIBLE!!! Finesse is, without question, the worst cast
member on the show. Rudolph and Jackson
didn’t make the sketch any better either…hell Poehler couldn’t even make this
skit bearable. Garbage.
0 Coneys
5.
Song: An Easter Treat from SNL
Premise:
The recurring Sanz, Fallon, Kattan and Morgan Christmas Song
Jason: I see not only has Morgan returned for this
episode, but so has Kattan (marking his third appearance this season). I’ll ask the same question I did when he
showed up on the December Elijah Wood episode – why the hell did you even
leave? At least Morgan had a sitcom in
the works.
Even though it’s been
awhile since this song’s last appearance, the only thing making this
installment fresh was the interaction with audience member Simon Cowell. Although I’m not a huge American Idol fan,
even I was laughing at Simon’s “I’d rather let William Hung lick honey off my nipples”
line.
2 Coneys
Heather: I was honestly surprised to see this
spin-off of the Christmas song. It was
actually kind of sad to see that Kattan has so much time on his hands. I normally enjoyed the Christmas songs in
the past, but disappointingly, this Easter rendition didn’t really cut it for
me. Simon Cowell’s appearance was sort
of funny, but all in all, this bit was tolerable at best.
1 Coney
6. Music:
Janet Jackson #1
Jason: Worst.
0
Coneys.
Heather: I guess I haven’t watched Jackson perform in
quite a long time. Does she usually lip
sync?? And is it usually so bad??
1 Coney
7. Weekend Update
Jason: Another weak WU. The only memorable jokes for me were the no room in the ambulance
at the circus and the Alabama State Spirit bits.
Guests this time were
equally as forgettable. Maya came out
and did a Condaleezza rice impression (presumably for anyone forgetting Janet
Jackson did one about 30 minutes ago).
Finesse then did an obscure bit about Leno’s band member Kevin
Eubanks. Good stuff SNL.
1 Coney
Heather: For crying out loud, what the hell happened
to Weekend Update??? It’s been three
weeks since I’ve seen anything good come out of this sketch. Rudolph once again subjected us to her
pathetic antics with her take on Condoleezza Rice. Maybe she was sleeping during the opener and didn’t realize that
we ALREADY FUCKING SAW THAT CHARACTER!!!
Finesse snuck in with a totally out of the blue impression of Kevin
Eubanks. And the point of that
was..?? Throw in Fallon’s absolutely
worst singing, which seemed to be just another time filler, and you have yet
another horrendous installment of WU.
What’s up Fey??!!
0 Coneys
8.
Sketch: The Prince Talk Show
Jason: In what has apparently become Armisen’s
latest recurring character, The Prince Talk Show makes it’s return after just
four episodes (see 2/14/04 Barrymore).
This time around, I found the sketch much more bearable. Gone was the annoying Barrymore Pink
impression. While Jackson’s Paula Abdul
character wasn’t great, watching her trying not to laugh at Armisen was
entertaining.
Keenan, who also did great
on the last Prince Talk Show, delivered a great performance as Steve
Harvey. Listening to him talk was
hilarious.
It’s just too bad Maya has
to be in this sketch…
3 Coneys
Heather: Thank God for Armisen. This skit is a definite winner, despite
Rudolph’s utterly annoying Beyonce.
While I enjoyed Jackson’s Paula Abdul and Keenan’s Steve Harvey, Armisen
was undoubtedly the highlight of this sketch as Prince. “Do you think a lover can be a friend?” With the facial expressions, the spacey
comments, the high- pitched crying / shrieking and, of course, the Wonder Mask,
I was laughing almost non-stop.
3 Coneys
9. Sketch:
Soaking Corks
Premise: A tour at a wine factory is full of
innuendos
Jason: Nothing more than the Colonel Angus (see
2/22/03 Walken) routine all over again.
Horrible.
0 Coneys
Heather: Yeah, I liked this skit just fine when it
was called Colonel Angus. Come
ON!!! What’s even worse was Jackson
actually laughing more than Fallon and Sanz when she kept messing up her lines. Yeah Janet… “sucking cock.” That’s really hilarious.
0 Coneys
10.
Music: Janet Jackson #2
Jason: Fast forward.
0 Coneys
Heather: What the hell?? If you’re gonna lip sync, at least practice at it a little!!
0 Coneys
11.
Good Times
Premise: Parody of the 1970’s sitcom
Jason: Talk about a sketch coming out of the blue –
this was hilarious! Despite having Maya
play two characters, this was easily the best sketch since Benny Hill Jesus
from the Colin Firth episode (3/6/04).
Keenan simply stole the show as Florida Evans. Damn. Damn. Damn.
The whole concept was
basically a re-examination about why these were actually “Good Times”. In this case, you’ve got a family who can’t
make rent, a student who won’t be accepted to a college because of skin color,
a rat that eats a winning $50,000 lottery ticket, a character with horrible
disease and a landlord so poor, he calls dog food chili. And keeping the whole group together is
Keenan, in what I’m calling his best role on SNL yet.
FYI: I’m pretty sure that was Jimmie Walker
reprising his role as JJ too.
4 Coneys
Heather: Damn, Damn, DAMN!! Keenan. I couldn’t
believe how much he actually sounded like Florida!! He was by far the best thing about this sketch. The whole concept was very clever and
completely unexpected, which made it that much better! This is what you need more of SNL!!!
3 Coneys
12. Sketch:
Boom Boomer
Jason: Parnell’s character insisting on doing
cocaine got this flat sketch off to a fast start, but because the made up game
they were playing wasn’t very funny, nothing really managed to take shape.
1 Coney
Heather: They should’ve ended the show with Good
Times. Parnell’s insistence on using
cocaine to spice up the party was fairly amusing, especially when he freaked
out during the game. Overall though,
this sketch really went nowhere fast.
1 Coney
Closing Comments:
Jason: Despite some great efforts by Keenan and
Armisen, at the end of the day this episode is another in the long line of
Season 29’s under-20-coney-count showings.
I’m seriously worried about how much longer this show can keep surviving
with such dreadful material. Making
matters worse is the 99% decrease of Will Forte screen time we’ve seen this
month. Hopefully Maya and Fallon are on
the way out after this season so Lorne is giving them their last hurrah. Although, what’s the point of a grand send
off if you are just going to show up all the time after you’ve left (Kattan and
Morgan).
14.5 out of 48 Coneys
Heather: Man alive!
One more substandard episode to add to the mix. I think Jackson did alright with the
material she was given (Condoleezza Rice, Paula Abdul). I have to blame the terrible and redundant
sketch material yet again for this lackluster episode. It’s almost embarrassing how horrible most
of the sketches have been this season.
My biggest concern though: Where
is Forte?? Armisen’s been contributing
some good stuff, but let’s face it, Forte has usually been the driving force
behind what funny sketches we’ve seen this season. Hopefully he’ll be back full-time on May 1 for the Lohan
episode. SNL seriously needs all the
help it can get.
11.5 out of 48 Coneys
SNL Coney Rankings: Season 29 – REVEALED!
Andy Roddick/Dave Matthews
– 41.5
Jack Black/John Mayer –
34.5
Christina Aguilera/Maroon
5 – 31.5
Justin Timberlake - 30
Colin Firth/Norah Jones –
29.5
Alec Baldwin/Missy Elliot
– 28.5
Halle Berry/Britney Spears
– 27
Ben Affleck/N.E.R.D. –
24.5
Jennifer Aniston/Black
Eyed Peas - 22
Al Sharpton/Pink – 21.5
Kelly Ripa/Outkast – 19
Drew Barrymore/Kelis - 19
Megan Mullally/Clay Aiken
– 17.5
Jessica Simpson & Nick
Lachey/G-Unit - 17
Elijah Wood/Jet – 16.5
Janet Jackson – 14.5
Donald Trump/Toots and the
Maytals – 12
Heather:
Jack Black/John Mayer –
34.5
Andy Roddick/Dave Matthews
– 28.5
Christina Aguilera/Maroon
5 - 28
Jessica Simpson & Nick
Lachey/G-Unit – 27.5
Colin Firth/Norah Jones -
27
Justin Timberlake – 26.5
Halle Berry/Britney Spears
– 24
Alec Baldwin/Missy Elliot
– 24
Jennifer Aniston/Black
Eyed Peas - 23
Kelly Ripa/Outkast – 20
Elijah Wood/Jet – 18.5
Ben Affleck/N.E.R.D. –
18.5
Al Sharpton/Pink – 17.5
Megan Mullally/Clay Aiken
- 14
Drew Barrymore/Kelis – 12
Janet Jackson – 11.5
Donald Trump/Toots and the
Maytals – 8.5