celebrity sighting!

da father, da son 'n da holy busey

indecipherable buzz

i've been told many times that a majority of da FOWs that visit this fine ass website enjoy that shiznit, but mo' often than not they has no fuckin' clue what da hell i am talking 'bout, know what I'm sayin'? well, that much is obvs n' shit. but yo' ass has NEVER read anything that can even come close what The Grizz emailed me wit earlier this afternoon." if yo' ass speak da language of Obvs, that shiznit's relatively straight forward 'n a well-thought out diatribe n' shit. but if yo' ass don't, get a load of this buzz, know what I'm sayin'? that shiznit has do wit actor extraordinaire Jake Gyllenhaal, who went from Hero Zero is world record time, know what I'm sayin'?

Subject: gyllies
Date: Thu, 19 Dec Two Thousand 'n '02 15:42:13 -0500
From: The Grizz
To: markdgraham@yahoo.com

dude

what happened izzall gyllies' buzz? tha dude went from ridiculously tatts almost forgotten quicker than yo' ass can be like aaron sorkin n' shit. flash back september stizz, 'n gyllies had just busted best ever props in gravy brizzle hittins 'n lovely 'n best, 'n tha dude wuz swirling in oscar buzz wit moonlight mizz n' shit. c. love had even built moonlight buzz, throwing props silberworst, M2 stizz n' shit. 'n of course coming off donnie bestevs, gyllies had so much buzz tha dude could has auctioned off used kleenexes on Tha Big E-Bizzle 'n muthas would be busting they bizzanks just be gettin up in some of that used snot hittins." then moonlight mizz hit 'n gyllies dropped off da world's radar, almost immedes." no oscar buzz, no ctirical buzz, no audience buzz, just anti-buzz." strictly, know what I'm sayin'? even da fact that tha dude's dating kirsten best hasn't helped tha dude's ass build back any buzz; in fact, that shiznit intercepted dunst buzz 'n downgraded spidey from gots -purchase maybs, blockbies pre-viewed stizz n' shit. gyllies, know what I'm sayin'? six months ago no one could even pronounce tha dude's name; now nobody wants ." 'n wass next on deck fo' tha dude's ass? some ice age mumbo jizz co-starring DQs 'n directed by roland emmerworst, know what I'm sayin'? gyllies n' shit. total jumped da shizz." just goes show yo' ass yo' ass can teach a duck quizz, but yo' ass can't usurp yo' sister's buzz when brizzle's representing spader stizz." obvs."

looking fo' a last-minute gift?

well, if so, then this one likely ain't fo' yo' ass." but if yo' ass happen be looking fo' da coolest t-shirt since "Fuck Yo' ass, Yo' ass Fucking Fuck", look no further n' shit. representin' Astoria Queens is long-time FOW ConnieNYC 'n tha dude's presenting da readers of whatevs.org wit this special opportunity pick up some official "HWN" (Here's Wass Informative Shiznit) schwag, know what I'm sayin'? if yo' ass are interested in picking up these fine, fine t-shirts, send an email tha dude's ass requesting mo' details n' shit. but fo' now, dig da jpeg bro n' shit. ..

think again

golden globes!

starving fo' links

i know, i know." sorry y'izzall, i've been crazy busy trying get three weeks worth of work accomplished this week." thanks da UAW, i'll be off work from December 23 - January 6th, know what I'm sayin'? buzz n' shit. so here's some links tide yo' ass over until tomorrowzies." ..

— if yo' ass haven't seen this month's Maxim wit X-Tina, yo' ass're missing out." probably da hottest photo shoot in da history of da mag." yo' ass can catch up wit izzall da sexxxy photos on shockyourmind.org (advance warning buzz: might want skip this link if yr at work) n' shit. ..

— over da last few days, mo' Critics Awards has been released, know what I'm sayin'? da New York Film Critics named Todd Haynes' "Far From Heaven" as da year's best picture, da Boston Film Critics chose Roman Polanski's "The Pianist", 'n da American Film Institute released they (unranked) Top 10 list, which includes "About A Boy", "About Schmidt", "Adaptation", "Antwone Fisher", "Chicago", "Frida", "Gangs Of New York", "The Hours", "LOTR: The Two Towers", 'n "The Quiet American." "

— speaking of "The Quiet American", da leading liberal FOW who goes by da name of APLarcadia passed along this story from Alternet.org entitled "Quiet Censorship In Hollywood", which paints another shade Hollywood's age-old problems revolving around da inherent tension that separates art from commerce 'n freedom of speech from censorship, know what I'm sayin'?

— another day, another drunken elephant rampage." will those crazy elephants ever learn?

— this weekend's New York Times featured four hella worthwhile 'n notable articles that yo' ass should consider perusing (registration required): a review of Neil LaBute's "The Mercy Seat", a new play which expounds on da modern urban legends of husbands 'n wives whose extramarital affairs wuz exposed when they didn't die in da World Trade Center attacks; one of da darkhorses fo' The Grahammys this year is Spike Lee's new drama called "25th Hour", 'n this article profiles da film, its director 'n its star (who just happens be Edward Norton); this year featured a record number of worthwhile CD box set purchases, everything from Bjork Dylan "Like Ohmigod" ; 'n while this may come as a giant "DUH!" anyone who ever heard da term "bricks 'n clicks", da most successful retailers these days are those who areequally adept at merchandising 'n marketing in print, on da internet 'n in-store n' shit. .. back in my Borders days we used call this "retail convergence" n' shit. ..

— themorningnews.org is quickly rising on my list of daily "gots -click" websites, know what I'm sayin'? just in da last few days they has featured pieces on da classic shoegazer album "Nowhere" by Ride 'n on "The Nine Coolest Albums of Two Thousand 'n '02", including da Gore Gore Girls!!! da unstoppable whatevs.org buzz continues!

— double bad news fo' fans of The Donnas n' shit. da next leg of they US tour in support of "Up All Night" not only features OK Go! as they opening act but also is missing a Detroit date! worst EVS! who's up fo' a trip Chicago?

DeNiro / Jones Recap

snl season 28 , know what I'm sayin'? .. REVEALED!

da opportunities fo' me contribute on these topics is few 'n far between, but I wuz indeed watching NBC at 11:30pm on Saturday night fo' da Al Gore / Phish extravaganza." unfortunately, my heezee wuz clouded by three bottles of wine, a few shots of tequila 'n mo' glasses of port than i care remember n' shit. gravy times, but also why we pay Nummer 'n The H-Bomb da big ass bucks reveal izzall that is worth revealing in da land of SNL." in anticipation of they Official 'n Definitive Review, here are links some press reviews of Saturday night's episode from The New York Times 'n Slate.com n' shit. 'n while da final coding fo' da DeNiro / Jones episode won't be completed until this evening (my 'puter crashed last night before i had time post), here is a preview of tomorrow night's Christmas Special (airing on NBC from 8 - 9:30 EST) n' shit. no one can resist my Schweaty Balls!

SNL Season 28 REVEALED!
Special Episode: Christmas Special - 12/17/02

Jason: SNL Christmas Specials are usually hella gravy n' shit. Unlike da Halloween Special wuz sketch choices are somewhat limited, SNL typically has at least one Christmas themed episode every season, know what I'm sayin'? This leaves da amount of possible sketches wide open."

It's actually been 'bout 5 years since I've caught an XMAS special, though n' shit. I'm kind of curious see what will make da pick." John Goodman's "Drunk Santa" sketch from da 1998 season wuz phenomenal, but I'm not sho if that shiznit will make primetime, know what I'm sayin'? Sure thing sketches include: Matt Foley's Santa, Consumer Probe, Baldwin's "Schweaty Balls" 'n hopefully Hanukkah Harry, know what I'm sayin'?

It should be worthwhile n' shit. Hopefully co-host Jimmy Fallon won't stick tha dude's mug in front of da camera too much either, know what I'm sayin'?

Heather: I'm thinking that da upcoming SNL Christmas Special will just like any other SNL Special." Good 'n bad sketches alike, but izzall in izzall, usually a pretty decent mix n' shit. Off da top of my heezee, I can't really think of a lot of Christmas skits that might make up this show." I'm expecting Adam Sandler's Hanakkah Song fo' sho n' shit. And maybe some Motivational Santa wit Matt Foley." The one I'm really hoping makes da cut is John Goodman's Santa Claus sketch from 98. " I'll be sittin on my throne, eatin nuts, know what I'm sayin'? " So hilarious!! If da recent Halloween Special wuz any indication, I think this Christmas episode will be pretty gravy."

reader retort(s)

i love that shiznit when da FOWs send me email rants, 'n i've heard time 'n time again that da rest of da whatevs.org fanbase enjoys reading 'em." so prepare yourself fo' da hotness delivered straight from The Gorilla 'n Friggedy, respectively ." ..

The Gorilla wrote:

Some Record Labels Revise Royalty Calculations
Two of da five major record labels be like they will change da accounting methods they use calculate artist royalty payments." Label executives hope da reforms will convince mo' artists join da battle against free music on da Internet n' shit. NPR's Rick Karr reports, know what I'm sayin'?

First off, virtually no one covers this story because izzall da conglomerates like time warner own da magazines 'n da labels." GO NPR!

Second, I believe that shiznit wuz Dennis Leary who be like "Don Henley is going tell me how vote, I gots two words fo' Don, Joe fuckin' Walsh, now shut up n' shit. "

Don Henley 'n I virtually argree on izzall aspects of this issue 'n most political issues, yet tha dude is such pretentious buttmunch that I'm usually like, "yo' ass know what, lets fill Walden Pond wit biomedical waste." " Don Henley is one da highest selling artists of izzall time 'n self serving, a slight change in da accounting practices of da industry could mean millions rolling tha dude's ass, know what I'm sayin'?

Third, da fact that da recording industry is trying bribe artists wit bigger paychecks attack file sharing is so typical n' shit. They'll waste time 'n paper defending they outdated distribution system, instead of coming up wit a viable business alternative napester-esq mp3 sharing programs."

Fourth, as I point out when ever these assholes come up, 20 year-old-cd technology still costs $18 a pop! bull shit, know what I'm sayin'?

Friggedy wrote:

Just heard 'bout da Johnny Marr show 'n seen yo' ass has that shiznit up already-- nice n' shit. Did yo' ass by any chance see da bit in Fo' Real Detroit'bout a Clash 'n Stooges reunions?

The rumor is based on da fact that they will be inducted in da Rock'N'Roll Hall of Fame next year 'n an induction reunion performance could develop into something bigger, know what I'm sayin'? According NME (http://www.nme.com/news/103544.htm), Joe 'n Mick gots together fo' a benefit show in November, da first time together since da 80s n' shit.

I fo' one think this da best music news in recent memory." With remaining Ramones dropping like flies 'n da term "punk" being ripped off by everyone from Green Day da Satchel Paige Rage, da late 90s wuz 'bout as far away from 1979 as da Smashing Pumpkins song of same title, know what I'm sayin'? However, da advent of original rock bands like The Strokes 'n not-so-original but still awesome The Hives has in some ways helped resurrect certain aspects da late 70s punk sound." Who better remind us izzall how that shiznit's done than The Clash?! We need another 'clash of generations', 'n since da Aughts (da 00s) has officially turned into da 1980s (Big Baby Bush 'n Poindexter, back again), we need some of Mr n' shit. Strummer's politically-tinged social commentary (unemployment's back up, Career Opportunities are da ones that never knock) n' shit. Also, that shiznit has been several years since da last Reggae revival 'n when that shiznit comes white English fools doing reggae, The Clash beat out Eric Clapton any day." Plus, how bomb diggity would that shiznit be if rock'n'roll could be just da cure fo' Islamic extremism a la Rock da Casbah?

Paul Simon is bomb diggity, but Paul Simonon is even better! (Imagine a Simonon & Garfunkel duet, bass 'n harmony-- nice, know what I'm sayin'? ) With America looking worse everyday (da most important Ashcroft in izzle lives should always be Richard, not John), sing that shiznit loud, wit harmony da second time n' shit. ..

"I'm so bo-o-ored wit yo' ass-- S! A!
I'm so bo-o-ored wit U-- S! A!
What can I do?!"