cornocopia of one-hitters

who knew?

return of the mack

first things first. i have to send an enormously tigs shout out to Preciousness himself, GKVizz, for his legendary posts on whatevs.org yesterday afternoon. seriously, i asked him to learn HTML at a moments notice and he came through like Larry Bird in the fourth quarter -- fuckin' clutch and droppin' three-point bombs from the corner. let's just chat for a minute about his accomplishments -- the "weird science" reference was amazingly inspired, his links were dazzling, his recaplet of why we shouldn't forget about "Yo, Bum Rush The Show!" was informative and eductional, and that photo of him in the GKVibe is so classic that I'm convinced that all of the FOWs won't even begin to recognize its classic status for weeks. but the next time you see a GKVibe driving down the street, you better believe you're gonna think of Fabio sitting on the hood and Hasselhoff in the backseat. even though i thanked you profusely last night at Sugar Hiccup, you deserve more props. if you would like to send him email congratulations at somewhere other than hotmale.com, here is his email address. ok, i have lots of info to post today but not a lot of time to devote to posting it, so i'm gonna hit you with a big chunk now, and slightly smaller chunks as the day progresses. then i'm gonna hit you with some big stuff tonight after the kiddies roll through Virginia Ave lookin' for trick or trizzles. obvs. (hint - all kindsa nipples!) so without further delays, here's some hott linxxx:

— there isn't any official word from Hot-Lanta, but it is awfully coincidental that GKV referenced the fact that i was partying with the Goodie Mob yesterday and their announcement that they broke up came around 6:30pm last night. bizarr bazarr!

— while we're on the topic of rap music, i regret to inform you that Jam Master Jay (of Run-DMC fame) was shot to death yesterday afternoon. this is obviously a big loss to the hip hop community, but hopefully in the wake of this tragic event we'll all take the time to give JMJ his proper props. shit, Run-DMC had rhyme skillz like no other in that era, but Jam Master Jay (and Rick Rubin) still don't get enough credit for their contributions to honing the band's sound. it's worthwhile to note that Run-DMC have sucked for the last ten years or so, but don't let their recent streak of being worst evs taint your memory of what they accomplished in the mid `80s. Jam Master Jay will be missed. obvs.

— and to keep the musical theme going, the venerable NME.com reveals that hearing Ryan Adams recently cover "Wonderwall" has inspired Noel Gallagher to re-insert the song back into their live sets. you may remember a few months back when Noel declared that he would never play the song again, but apparently the new version he is going to play is a cover of the Ryan Adams' version of "Wonderwall". too bad he didn't hear the killer version that Immerse performs first, then they would've made the pages of NME.

— in the last posting (for the time being), the DetNews has an article in today's paper regarding the way that the Jeff Smoker situation has been fueled by web rumour and innuendo. obvs, whatevs.org would never stoop as low as to publish gossip based solely on innuendo and speculation without substantiation. but a little bird told me the following on Tuesday:

"I've been speaking with that little birdie again and he has told me some more things. All this will probably be hitting the news either today or tomorrow. You're probably going to hear it soon so here's what I've been told for sure: Smoker was arrested on a felony charge for selling narcotics. Smoker will never return to MSU, period. Smoker ratted numerous players (yes starters, as many as eight and possibly former players) that were involved in the narcotics ring and others out to ELPD to save his skin (good move). The ELPD made additional arrests. Other law enforcement agencies have been involved. The reason why it was all kept quiet was because it was an ongoing criminal investigation and a number of people/players were under surveillance. Watch for this to get REALLY bad in the coming weeks, maybe more felony arrests (of big names) and obvious internal investigations. I can't see Brains Williams surviving this. He won't be back next year and may get the axe soon. Because Smoker cooperated, he may have been released to his parents on bond and be in PA awaiting trial/sentencing. Names should be released by tomorrow. The word is that Jeff Smoker was dating a girl and they had a nasty breakup. The girl was so pissed at him she ratted him out to the police and hence the raid on his house. One of the former, big name players, Jeff Smoker has named is none other than TJ Duckett. The major down side of this is that there is a distinct possibility that MSU football may not be played next year. We may be suspended for a year due to this major, major, major f*ck up. I'll keep talking to the little birdie and see what else I hear."

more smoker buzz

while the mainstream press continues to duck the Jeff Smoker controversy, whatevs.org sources have a couple of hot tips. and they go a little somethin' like this (thanks to the anonymous FOWs for keeping their respective noses to their respective grindstones...respectively...obvs):

— "hey uncle grambo -- i am sure you are getting pounded with smoker emails, but i got some information from a guy that was an equipment manager there a couple of years ago and still stays in touch with people in the program. word is that he was not only taking coke, but he was selling it as well. there are/were 7-8 other team members involved in this whole thing. apparently smoker was going to get pinched by the cops so he went to bobby williams and came clean. he will never play another down at state and there is some buzz that this is the last straw for bobby and he will be gone. the story is supposed to break in the next 36 hours or so. the scandal is supposed to get even uglier when the story breaks. go state."

hit the links

super crazified busy today, but here are a few tigs updates for y'all to enjoy.

— how does Simon from "American Idol" spend his downtime between try-outs? the grizz got to meet him on friday and reported that he "smoked cigarettes, drank Red Bull and ate beef jerky during performance breaks". jerky!

— well, the jury has been selected for the upcoming Winona Ryder trial and there is another celebrity on the jury! the Los Angeles Times reports that Peter Guber has been selected to sit on the 12-person jury. if you're not familiar with his name, you certainly know his work. he ran Sony Pictures Entertainment from 1989 through 1994, and his company financed and produced three Winona flix: "Bram Stoker's Dracula", "The Age of Innocence" and "Little Women". he, along with producing partner Jon Peters ("Batman", "Rain Man"), were the focus of the superb book "Hit and Run", which chronicled their time at the top of Sony and how they almost bankrupted the studio...best.

— the LA Times also has an excellent look at the role that daily newspapers play in our lives. obvs they're not as important as whatevs.org, but that doesn't mean that this article isn't worth a click-through.

one-sheet of the year

weekend wrizzap-up

i'm getting ready to pack my bags for the weekend. off to Beni-Best-Evs in a few minutes, but I think i'm gonna skip out on Badly Drizz this eve. sorry! anyhizzle my nizzles, here is some last minute web-surfin' fodder for y'all.

the comic geniuses (no disrespect to JP McKrengels, who has certainly earned his title as Comic Genius) at Fametracker.com eviscerate Edward Norton in their latest installment of The Fame Audit. the simple fact of the matter is that Ed Norton no longer has any buzz. then again, i guess once you've "been there and done that", indie cred isn't quite as important as $10 million paydays and the opportunity to bang Salma Hayek on a nightly basis. wait, now that I think about it, Norton has more buzz than ever!

if your idea of a great movie mixes machine guns and radical T & A, chances are you are already a fan of Andy Sidaris' work. you know, classic straight to video flix like "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" and "Picasso Trigger". c'mon, admit it...you've seen them. you know the set-up, a group of minor league Playmates play like Charlie's Angels and take on drug lords and gun smugglers, with equal importance placed on capitalizing on any and every opportunity to show off their wondrous tatts. even though Mr. Sidaris is no relation to Amy Sidaris ("Strangers With Candy") or even David Sedaris ("Naked"), the fanboys at Cine-Shlock-A-Rama have posted a pretty good interview with this living legend.

creepy con carne

smoker buzz

emails have been flooding in to me this morning regarding the Jeff Smoker situation. all involve cocaine, which of course bring immediate Bobby Briggs references to mind. remember when Leo stashed the coke in the football in "Fire Walk With Me"? best! anyway, here are two excerpts from FOWs that shall remain nameless (lord knows we wouldn't want to get sued for libel!)

UNNAMED FOW #1: "Hey - I heard from someone at the cottage party that on a party raid performed by the MSU DPS (or whatever they call them there) that they walked into a room and found Smoker sitting all by his lonesome with an Everest size portion of Bolivian Marching Dust on a table in front of him. This info was relayed to this person (some guy at the party) by one the DPS officers who is a friend. The officers on the scene asked the senior officer what they should do and then decided to let everything go. However, if this proves to be true, then this may explain the sudden and unexplained suspension. Possibly, Smoker has been suffering from "unexplained nose bleeds?"

ANONYMOUS FOW #2: "*Just call Jeff Smoker a Coker.... yep.. supposedly he's dealing with the white stuff. That's what I heard. But MSU VP Terry Denbow said "He's just not a quarterback, he's an MSU Student, he's somebody's son" (or something like that. Statenews.com has the full story) (**my sis shared that bit of news with me this morning. I really hope it's not coke. We'll still get our ass beat with or without him tomorrow)."

snl - season 28 revealed!

here is an advance preview of tomorrow night's Halloween Compilation Episode from whatevs.org's official SNL commentary staff, Nummer and the H-Bomb:

Nummer: If memory serves, there hasn't been a Halloween special in awhile. Don't be confused with the annual Christmas Past specials and the semi-regular Presidential Bashes. For the most part, SNL specials achieve exactly what they're designed for - to show viewers their favorite sketches. To most, it's a good trip down memory lane as you'll probably see an old favorite again for the first time in years. As to someone who watches an unhealthy amount of SNL, the sketches are usually ones that have long been played out which can result in a semi-boring SNL "off week". I'm sure Adam Sandler's Weekend Update makeshift costumes, Norm McDonald's Trick or Treat sketch, Travolta's gay vampire and the infamous Coneheads Halloween sketch will all make an appearance. However, NBC does manage to throw a few surprises into these things from time to time (like their decision to OPEN the Best of Will Ferrell Special with the Blue Oyster Cult cowbell sketch). Hopefully it will be updated enough from the 1998 Halloween Special Video currently still on sale at amazon. At any rate, next week begins another stretch of new live episodes.

surf's up

man, the Web hasn't been revealing very many stories over the last few days. hence the complete lack of posts yesterday and today's limited posts. thank god for The Prime Ministers, otherwise we'd all be sunk. but despite claims of inclement surfing buzz, a few good items were revealed this morning. and they include...

— Salon.com reveals some Ivy buzz this morning. there is a short review and some audio clips from their new album of covers called "Guestroom."

— From the banks of the Red Cedar comes word that Michigan State University has suspended starting quarterback Jeff Smoker -- indefinitely! what kind of buzz will this reveal? sexual harrassment? drugs? he's been stealing lunch money from freshmen? who knows!?!

— Nummer and the H-Bomb won't be appreciating this next bit of news. MTV.com reveals that Jimmy Fallon has been cast alongside Steve Martin in the new film adaptation of Martin's novel "Shopgirl." AIDS.

prime time

x-tina

fuoco buzz

snl - season 28 revealed!

in their continuing series on all things SNL, nummer and the h-bomb have turned in another dazzling review of the 10.19.02 episode starring John McCain and The White Stripes! you can check it out by clicking through here:

— Episode 3: John McCain / The White Stripes (10/19/02).

And, as always, you can always access their other fine reviews of this season's episodes. Expect a fancy SNL mini-portal featuring photos, press reviews and reviewer bios to be posted this weekend...enjoy! Until then, here are the other links as promised...

"they're not even apples"

neal pollack is the funniest man in America

radio radio

hit me with your best shot

bloggin' hard and bloggin' fast on a wednesday morning. here's the best the web has to offer this AM.

— i was thinking about instituting a "quote of the week" (for lack of a creative name) on whatevs.org for the last few days. i had a quote in mind (which I will likely reveal next week), until I read an article on the upcoming release of Kurt Cobain's "Journals" on Salon.com this morning: " Oh Pleez GAWD I can't handle the success!"

— Despite the fact that it won the Emmy for Best Dramatic Series less than a month ago, Aaron Sorkin's "West Wing" is taking a critical bashing over this season's ridiculously lackluster episodes. Even the noble New York Times has joined the fray, even proclaiming that the show has jumped the shark with the article "Shark's Pearly Teeth Gnash Near The West Wing."

— there was a period over the last two weeks when the grizz's lack of appearances in the Detnews began causing alarm in the journalistic community. fortunately, he has emerged from the two very solid articles in two days. yesterday, of course, was his look at the "American Idol" tryouts, and today he hits us with a piece on Hollywood's ever-constant infatuation with remakes entitled "Haven't we seen this before?"

— it's funny because it's true. even though it was released in September of 2001, "Is This It?" is easily the best album of 2002...obvs. and The Strokes continue to dazzle audiences around the States on their neverending tour. MTV.com reviews their recent Seattle show here.

— while it has been bashed by critics since its inception, Slate.com is an essential stop every morning. it's basically a Weblog with a small staff of professional writers and the occasional guest contributor that focuses on politics, entertainment, arts and culture. you should bookmark it. anyhooz, one of the more interesting contributors in any given week is a writer by the name of Emily Nussbaum, who scours magazines and the Web in search of the critics' take on cultural hot-button issues. her column is called "Summary Judgement", and this week features takes on Dave Eggers' novel "You Shall Know Us By Our Velocity", David E. Kelley's new Fox show about babe-a-licious lawyers called "Girls Club", and this weekend's box office champ "The Ring", among others. in case this doesn't quite sell the column for you, here is her excerpt on Eggers...

"You Shall Know Our Velocity, Dave Eggers (McSweeney's Books). "MTV's Jackass, as scripted by Samuel Beckett," praises New York magazine's Jon Homans. "Numb schtick," says Joy Press in the Village Voice. Whatever their opinion of Egger's self-published road-trip novel, critics find themselves helplessly reviewing the man as well as the book. "Who is doing more, single-handedly and single-mindedly, for American writing? If his reclusive habits only fan the flames of media interest, so what? He should be left alone to go about his business and to do good works, of which You Shall Know Our Velocity is unquestionably one. And we will leave him alone. Very soon. Any minute now," writes Lev Grossman in Time."

mad dog blitz

— So i travelled to Besties at lunch this afternoon fully prepared to spend $250. i was going to purchase Nintendo GameCube, the new Badly Drizz CD, and the new Pavement DVD. unfortch for Best Buy, they didn't have any of these items in stock! are you fookin' kidding me? this was the worst Tuesday for Besties since the day that "Jackie Brown" and "Pulp Fiction" were released and they didn't have those in stock.

— in Literary Buzz, today's Salon.com features an interview with Michael Chabon, author of the new children's novel called "Summerland". while you might not yet have heard of this particular novel, you almost certainly know Chabon's name as being the author of "Wonder Boys", "The Mysteries of Pittsburgh", the Pulitzer Prize winning "The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay", and the screenwriter for the upcoming "Spiderman" sequel. obvs!

mariah revealed!

american idol...revealed!

the grizz was hard at work yesterday covering the "American Idol" auditions at the Athaneum Hotel in Greektown. so hard at work, in fact, that he almost missed the beginning of the Flaming Lips / Beck extravaganza last night. more on that later. but the grizz's article is an interesting peek behind the curtain of celebrity wanna-be's and the lengths they'll go to for a shot at stardom. and when i say lengths, i mean that quite literally. the piece is shaped around a 17-year old hottie named Sarah Walker who flew all the way in from Seattle for a moment like this.

whatevs.org ff2k3 update

posted below is the top story in the whatevs.org ff2k3 fantasy football league. it originally appeared on the league's website, which unfortunately is not open to the public. however, this reporter was privy to the source code and was able to post this hot story for the rest of the world to enjoy. so, uh, enjoy!

Wartin-Buzz

my good buddy Wartinsmooth semi-recently tied the knot, Ireland style. congrats must go out to one of my original U of M homeys, we survived many tough times in the Michigan House, Bagel Factory Apartments and 910 Greenwood. turns out that the wedding was covered in the pages of VIP, which I'm told is the Irish equivalent of People Magazine. Media buyers tell me that it's the largest monthly mag on the Isle from whence the likes of Sinead, Bono and Shane McGowan sprang. what appears below is a scan of the article...check out Wartinbest and his blushing bride, not to mention other Kool Kat FOWs like Jeff Winkler and Jim Darling. obvs!

possible spoilers revealed

"cold mountain" = the next "english patient"

SNL SEASON 28 - REVEALED

probably the best website ever

so obvs. all katie holmes, all the time. there's more where this came from. makes shockyourmind.org look like Webster's dictionary. obvs!

paglia on madge

the well-respected feminist and overall cultural icon camille paglia was recently asked by the Los Angeles Times for her thoughts on madonna's recent activities. here's how she responded...

""Madonna is a dancer and musician, not an actress. She has no ear whatever for speech -- hence, subtle vocal inflections escape her. This is partly because she has no conversational skill. In every social occasion, she must flirt, dominate or act up like a teenager. She's too restless to sit and talk...Madonna is in frenetic circus mode, as shown by that awful 'Drowned World' tour, which threw everything at the audience but the kitchen sink. The jerky, manic 'Swept Away' suffers from the same problem -- Madonna and Guy Ritchie seem to confuse art with attention-deficit disorder." --Camille Paglia

on the wire

more buzz than a beehive...

— SNL BUZZ: Sources inform me that The White Stripes, this week's musical guest, are to perform "Dead Leaves and Dirty Ground" and "We're Going to Be Friends." Jack White doesn't want to strain his vocal chords with "Fell In Love With a Girl." The sources also reveal that Eric McCormick will be hosting on November 2nd (musical guest TBA) and the November 16th episode will see Adam Sandler playing duel roles as host and musical guest. Last but not least, Nummer and the H-Bomb have contributed a stellar review of the not-so-stellar SMG/Faith Hill episode from last week. Look for this to be posted sometime this weekend. (all SNL Buzz courtesy of Nummer)

— KELLY CLARKSON BUZZ: in case you missed it, the cast from "American Idol" performed last night at The Fox. the grizz was there and covers the evening in this morning's Detnews.com. somehow he scored an interview with Motown legend Martha Reeves!!!

— MUSTO BUZZ: for those of you who waste your time reading Ted Casablanca on E! Online, it would be much wiser to spend your time reading La Dolce Musto each week in the Village Voice. in case you are unfamiliar, Musto is an NYC-based gossip columnist and man about town. he's totally classic, and you've probably seen him interviewed on E! or VH-1 at some point in your life and you didn't even know it. anyway, this week's column dishes about "Rules Of Attraction" hottie Shannyn Sossamon, but last week he revealed some choice gossip regarding Steve Kmetko's recent departure from E!.

— KILBY BUZZ: prominent east-side FOW Glavzies reveals that Morrissey's recent interview with Craig Kilborn will be re-broadcast on Monday, October 21. and while whatevs.org doesn't really lend support or endorsements to political candidates as a general rule of thumb, glavzies requests that all FOWs who live in the 10th District should cast their votes for Candy Miller on November 5.

is the grizz the next Eli Cash?

is whatevs.org hot or not?

daily headlines

okay, so i've been out all day Wednesday. so what? guess what? i'm going to be out all day Thursday, too. yes indeedly Ned Flanders doodly, i am going to have to postpone the hourly updates to whatevs.org for at least today. until then, you have these links to munch on. yummy blog goodness is guaranteed in every link!

— wanna see screen captures from the new Christina Have-No-Hair-A video? the answer is (hopefully) HELL NO! well, if you must, check out shockyourmind.org.

— as usual, the Los Angeles Times has a fantastic article on the motion picture industry. this time, patrick goldstein runs the traps on why it is in Hollywood's best interest to keep some films on the shelf.

— while we're talking Hollywood for a moment, it is worthwhile to note that "Phone Booth" has been put on hold -- indefinitely.

— one of my personal heros, joni mitchell, was recently interviewed by Rolling Stone for their "Women In Rock" issue that is on newstands now. she blasts the current state of the recording industry...her quote? "I am ashamed to be in the music business."

— in the market for a new car? since you missed out on the Sergei Federov auction a few months ago, you should really try to land Stuart Murdoch's car on eBay. for the uninformed, Stuart is the lead singer of Belle & Sebastian.

from the world of sports, there are two articles worth reading that epitomize the polar opposites of sports. on the worst evs side, you have the news that the University of Michigan will be replacing its natural grass surface with a "yet to be determined" field condition. let's just hope it's not as AIDS as the turf that the Spartys had a few years back. on a postive note, Terrell Owens will NOT be fined for his Sharpie Trick in the end zone the other night vs. the Seahawks. this manuever is up there in the ranks of Darryl Dawkins' backboard-shattering dunks and the Ickey (Woods) Shuffle.

very special episode

meet joe black...part 2

no, i didn't say meet "jack black." i said meet "joe black". you know, brad pitt circa 1998. anyway, here is a pic of Pink from the VH1 Fashion Awards the other nizz...

breast evs!

breast ever pt. 2

best day for breasts on the wire evs...continued!

breast day ever?

whatevs.org ff2k3

one third of the way through the NFL season, we've got ourselves a bottleneck in the ultra-competitive whatevs.org ff2k3 fantasy football league. believe it or not, there have been some requests from FOWs not involved in this tournament to get an update on how the league is faring this year, so here goes! you will notice some illustrious FOWs involved in the league...for those of you keeping score at home, here are the Team/FOW affiliations:

hit the links

— Coldplay is releasing not one but two (!!!) new singles from their astounding new LP, "A Rush Of Blood To The Head". our UK brethren will be privy to "The Scientist", while over here on native shores we'll be hearing "Clocks" pound the radio airwaves in November. i think that releasing "clocks" Stateside at this juncture is a GREAT move -- the song has a warm backbeat along the lines of Moby's "Porcelain" with some absolutely gorgeous vocals...it's sure to be a big hit, and I think it's got an especially good shot at winning over both teens and AAA format radio stations.

— this morning's Salon.com has an excellent interview with "Rules Of Attraction" director Roger Avary. he's got a real flair as both a writer and a director, even if "Rules" is uneven in spots. the highs certainly outweigh the lows.

— this weekend's New York Times features a preview of the upcoming Russell Crowe film, directed by the phenomenal Peter Weir ("Fearless", "The Truman Show", "Picnic At Hanging Rock"). it is aiming to be a legendary epic that relaunches and redefines the whole swashbuckling / seafaring genre of films. should be ridiculously classic.

SNL - SEASON 28 REVEALED (!!!)

when you think of epic moments in history, a few moments shine through. beethoven writing his Ninth Symphony? obvs. washington chopping down the cherry tree? duh. lincoln freeing the slaves? mos def. the premiere of "baby one more time" on TRL? legendary. but when historians look back on the key moments that shaped the 21st century, no doubt they will look to October 15, 2002 as supremely best evs -- a point that will be recognized as changing the face of pop culture (not to mention the entire US educational system as we know it today) forever.

in a collaboration of talent not seen since the pairing of James Cameron and Leonardo DiCaprio, up and coming FOWs Nummer and the H-Bomb have joined forces with whatevs.org to chronicle EVERY MOMENT OF THIS YEAR'S EPISODES OF SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE just for you, the loyal FOWs of the world, in SNL - SEASON 28 REVEALED. whatevs.org is proud to present a weekly, sketch-by-sketch review written entirely by this creative duo, who have an appreciation for the show and its history like none other. in fact, i'm pretty sure that they could go Round for Round with Tom Shales, who just authored that new SNL book. they throw a weekly SNL party and then spend days reviewing episodes on VHS (no TiVo!), searching for nuggets of creative genius and constructively criticizing writers and featured players when necessary. trust me when i say that you will be bowled over by how best evs this write-up is.

michigan state buzz

lose yourself

phone booth

birds of prey

i've got a lot of updates for the FOWs of the world but, unfortunately, not a whole helluva lot of time to do that. in the interest of time (monday mornings are always crazed), i've got to pick and choose.

LPs

seven and the ragged tiger. strangeways, here we come. the boy with the arab strap. sticky fingers. the wild, the innocent and the e street shuffle. little earthquakes. as nasty as we wanna be. nine tonight. power, corruption and lies. parallel lines. (uncle grambo)

This Isn't It. Even Worse. Music From the Motion Picture Blue Crush. The Unauthorized Biography Of Reinhold Messner. When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks Like a King What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight and He’ll Win the Whole Thing ‘Fore He Enters the Ring There’s No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You Know Where to Land and If You Fall It Won’t Matter, Cuz You’ll Know That You’re Right. Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots. Aoxomoxoa. 12 Golden Country Greats. Paintin' the Town Brown. (nummer)

10 from 6. laid. bedtime stories. ou812. i'm the DJ, you're the rapper. the cactus album. paul's boutique. (kinky glinky)

let's get it on. license to ill. Apocalypse 91...The Enemy Strikes Black. 19 Naughty III. high voltage. girls girls girls. (the lawrs)

foxbase alpha. the unforgettable fire. catholic boy. dog man star. the head on the door. kicking against the pricks. geek the girl. doppelganger. ladies and gentleman we are floating in space. am I not your girl? (MacK 10)

It Takes a Nation of Millions To Hold Us Back. Strangeways, Here We Come. Love & Theft. Exile On Main Street. The Kinks Are the Village Green Preservation Society. The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan. 50,000,000 Elvis Fans Can't Be Wrong. Good Old Boys. Darkness On the Edge Of Town. Parklife. Eat a Peach. Kick Out the Jams. American Beauty. Life's Rich Pageant. Fear of a Whatevs.org Planet. (connienyc)

Believo! Geogaddi. Vespertine. The Sound of the Colour of the Sun. New Wave Hot Dogs. Whole Oats. (h-bomb)

Under the Table and Dreaming. Living With Ghosts. Lost and Gone Forever. Check Your Head. In Light Syrup. Violator. Sketches for My Sweetheart the Drunk. (DaBest)

the standalone sensor. why didn't you ask why? jesus and the iron tyrannosaurus. astrogirl, revisited. my computation notebook. i'm glad we stuck together. you can't be neutral on a moving train. the resonance of distance. a chrome green. proximity's surprise. (APLarcadia)

kittenz & thee glitz. portrait of a marathon. pinkerton. yankee hotel foxtrot. a storm in heaven. bitches brew. magical mystery tour. (peabs)

Double Nickels on the Dime. All Samples Cleared. Emperor Tomato Ketchup. POWER IN NUMBERS. Love Deluxe. Suzuki. Spelunking. A Go-Go. 'Til Shiloh. As Kosher as They Wanna Be. (GKV)

rum, sodomy and the lash. after the gold rush. modern life is rubbish. slanted and enchanted. blue train. darklands. leftism. never mind the bollocks here's the sex pistols. building nothing out of something. the beatles. (koto)

London O Hull 4. Songs in the Key of Life. Love is Hell. Pills 'N' Thrills and Bellyaches. Bucky Fellini. Revenge is Sweet, and So Are You. (glavzies)

i love ranch

some people are inspired by religion. others by money. others by power. still others by fame. the top-notch FOW who goes by the nickname of Mandypantalons is inspired by...ranch dressing. yes, ranch dressing. if you have a Ranch experience to share, you can send her an email at iloveranch@hotmail.com. until then, please enjoy this delightful fable of the recent Ranch experience Mandypantalons had, an event so spectacular that she brought the iloveranch@hotmail.com email address out of retirement. enjoy!

From: "Mandy Pantalons"
To: markdgraham@yahoo.com
Subject: iloveranch@hotmail.com is back
Date: Thu, 10 Oct 2002 11:46:21 -0400

Hello fellow ranch lovers:

I'm back after a looooonng break. I have a quick ranch experience to share:

Let's face it, as lovers of ranch we determine where we will eat on whether or not the restaurant has ranch and whether or not it is any good. Recently though, I added another category: is the ranch easily accessible/freely flowing? I'm finding more and more that restaurants (fast food) are charging a fee for extra ranch. This is highly irritating and discouraging for those of us who need approximately 15 ranches to complete a meal. The question I ask myself these days is where can I get as much ranch as I need for a bargain? Well, fellow ranch lovers, I have an answer: Fuddruckers. For those of you who know about Fuddruckers, why didn't you share this information before? And for those of you who don't, I'll fill you in.

Fuddruckers, where one will find the "World's Greatest Hamburgers," also has the world's most easily-accessible vat of ranch. Fuddruckers is a psuedo fast food operation where diners order food, wait, get it with no toppings and then dress it themselves. It's loud, bright and fattening. After the food is up, you go through a cafeteria-style line reminiscent of the Towers Dining Hall. They have your typical lettuce, tomato and onions and then they have your condiments. The condiments are housed in the pump dispensers similar to those at the fancy McDonald's locations, but there is one main difference; they're HUGE! Like, I almost needed a step stool to reach the pump. Anyway, as I was strolling through the line I passed the ketchup (normal), mustard (normal), bb-q sauce (hey, this place is great), hot cheese (whoa, boo-ya!), and then labeled so small that I almost passed it without taking advantage of it, there was a tub of ranch with a pump on it! And, sitting next to it were little baby plastic containers with lids to put it in! perfect for dipping. And, the main draw, YOU CAN GET AS MANY RANCHES AS YOU WANT! (By the way, I wouldn't be writing about this ranch if it wasn't good.)

This is the kind of ranch I've been dreaming about, good taste, great texture, FREELY FLOWING. It doesn't get much better when you're dealing with fast-food and nearly fast-food restaruants. All the ranch you want, no extra charge. And, if you're like me, you can pack a few ranches to store in your company's fridge in case of an emergency. Friends, I'm telling you....go to your nearest Fuddruckers immediately. Don't try McDonald's, we all know that their ranch is 35 cents. Don't stop at Burger King, their ranch is pricey and we now know that the fat-free rumor we heard is not true. Wendy's, now they have Hidden Valley, but still, 50 cents for an extra. Stop at Fuddruckers. If you don't have one, come visit me, I have one 1/2 mile down the road from my office. yipppeeee!

leo vs. leo

little babies gonna go home and cry to momma...

wartinsmooth, you should be ashamed of the sissy punks walking the halls of your alma mater these days. apparently 10 Rochester High School seniors quit the Varsity football team because their coach swore at them and got in their face. what a bunch of whiny losers! team captain Dave Malson is quoted as saying "(Head Coach Mark Merlo) talked about my best friends, calling them awful and how they sucked." well DUH! that's just what coaches do! ever heard of motivation by intimidation? this once again proves my theory that Rochester residents who live south of Walton suck!

friday friday friday

die another day

reader retort: defending the daily

i hope that by this time you already know that i love each and every one of you FOWs out there like you're my own children. but, as with every parent, you always have your favourite child. in this case, mine has got to be the multi-talented FOW known as The Gorilla. not only is he prolific in his responses to posts on whatevs.org, but his retorts are consistently thoughted and well-constructed. here is The Gorilla's response to my post on the recent plight of The Michigan Daily:

Subject: Michigan Daily
Date: Wed, 9 Oct 2002 09:07:20 -0400
From: "The Gorilla"
To:markdgraham@yahoo.com

A quick comment on the Daily, realizing I’m hardly impartial, I worked there and my brother is the music editor there now.But here’s the skinny.

First off, I went to both State and Michigan, as did my brother. There is no comparing the State News to the Daily. Its like comparing the Impact to Cool Hits 107 (well, not that bad). The State News news isn’t bad, but their features, and columnists are pretty weak (at least when I was there) – they also had an ugly, very high schoolish layout too which is a pet peave. The Daily isn’t great, but generally its better than the State News.

Second, the Daily is probably one of the most liberal papers in Michigan, I know, I wrote a good deal of the editorials for two years. The minority protests are nothing new, and really it’s a reflection of how liberal the campus is and a desire by many young people to engage in social protest and having no “institutions” to protest, because the institutions agree with them already.

kinky glinky and jillycakes

whatevs.org update

why marketing is the best profession in the world

if you work in the advertising or marketing profession and you don't already receive New York Times columnist Stuart Elliot's weekly email on the advertising industry, you are missing out on some classic stuff. this short synopsis of the most recent Burger King ad campaign was found in one of his recent columns and is pure genius. you know the campaign, the one where the talking menu board (voiced by Adam Carolla) appears in unlikely places (elevators, golf courses) chatting about BK's new 99-cent menu. what follows is the customer rationale behind the concept, as described by Deutsch LA's managing partner Eric Hirshberg...

"One of our early observations was that Burger King's primary competitors have various degrees of homespun, familial wholesomeness in their advertising, so Burger King can live in a different tonal universe, edgier and more youthful. We said to Burger King, 'If Wendy's and McDonald's are Ozzie and Harriet, you have the opportunity to be the Osbournes.

"The other observation we made, supported by listening to consumers, was that the heavy users of fast food, the 'fast-food black belts,' know every nuance of the menus of the different stores. They may not know the state capitals, but they know who has a 12-ounce drink and who has a 14-ounce drink. So we decided, let's get out of their way and talk straight to them."

the Magna Carta of press releases

originally revealed this afternoon by nummer, this is probably THE single greatest press release i have ever had the pleasure to read. and i say this with all sincerity...no joke. this press release does a MAGNIFICENT job in conveying everything you could possibly hope to convey: it has a great intro paragraph that builds interest, it goes to great lengths to describe the details of the actual pizza, it waxes enthusiastically about the passion and dedication of those who developed the 'Za, and it even includes some testimonials from highly regarded pizza makers! kudos to whoever does the PR for Pizza Hut, you deserve mad props. let this be a lesson to aspiring PR Execs all over (especially Detroit-based FOW Mandypantalons). now the only thing that's left is trying this bad boy. one thing you can be sure of, it's easily the best thing to happen to food since the P'Zone was introduced late last year. unfortunately for the Hut, howevs, is the fact that there is no way they'll ever be able to touch the pizza prestige of Chicago's My Pi. obvs.

STICK A FORK IN IT * IT'S DONE! PIZZA HUT® BRINGS THE CHICAGO DISH PIZZA TO THE REST OF AMERICA

After 10 Years, Pizza Hut Experts Cracked the Code on Creating an Authentic Chicago Pizza

DALLAS (September 30, 2002) - It took just eight years to land a man on the moon, five to discover a cure for polio and four to paint the Sistine chapel. But it took Pizza Hut, Inc., more than 10 years to perfect an authentic Chicago-style deep-dish pizza.

The Chicago Dish Pizza debuts nationally on September 27, and it marks the first time Americans across the country will be able to get their hands on - and forks into - an authentic Chicago-style pizza.

"The Chicago Dish Pizza is the first true Chicago-style pizza available nationally, and with the speed people expect from a Pizza Hut restaurant," said Leah Evans, senior vice president of research and development. "This is the pizza everyone has been waiting for. It took more than 10 years to get it right," she added.

Developing an authentic Chicago-style pizza that can be delivered quickly to table or door has been the holy grail of the pizza segment. Because real Chicago-style deep-dish pizza is so massive, it can take up to 45 minutes to prepare and cook. But, after years of development, the Pizza Hut team cracked the code. The company even has a patent pending on
certain aspects of the pizza-making process.

Priced at $11.99, most markets, with up to three toppings or specialty combinations, The Chicago Dish Pizza marks another Pizza Hut "first" and underscores the company's tradition of innovation and value.

"Pizza Hut restaurants and consumers have been asking for a Chicago-style pizza for years," said Evans. "We could have done a Chicago-style pizza years ago if we had been willing to give up some of the attributes that make this dish authentic," she said. "We simply weren't willing to make compromises, so we had to come up with an original solution. The challenge was to create an authentic Chicago-style pizza and still be able to cook and serve this abundant pie without the typical 45-minute wait."

According to Evans, Chicago-style pizza is different from other pizzas: Chicago-style pizza has a flaky crust with tall sides. The dough is made with a hint of corn meal for taste and texture. The build of the pizza begins with a thick layer of sliced mozzarella cheese. It's filled with an abundance of toppings, shredded cheese and then chunky marinara sauce is poured on the top of the pizza.

While some Chicago pizzerias have variations or twists that are uniquely theirs, Pizza Hut executives researched the core attributes of an authentic Chicago pizza by spending time in the Windy City. The company also asked consumers in Chicago and elsewhere about their views. The result is a pizza that makes the grade with flying colors for taste and authenticity.

The Chicago Dish Pizza has sliced 100-percent mozzarella cheese and shredded cheese - more than twice the amount of cheese in a typical medium pizza. And customers are encouraged to load this pizza with toppings.

The marinara sauce is well seasoned and full of tomato chunks. The sauce is separately cooked and heated next to the pizza as it travels down the conveyor oven, which is one of the ways the Pizza Hut team achieved the cook-through in record time. For dine-in guests, the pizza is served at the table out of the pan and on a pedestal. Servers pour chunky marinara sauce on top of the pizza right at the table, and offer hand-grated cheese.

Delivery customers will find the sauce on top of the pizza, and they'll notice a new, deeper box to transport The Chicago Dish Pizza. And whether at home or in the restaurant, it requires a fork to eat it!

The Chicago Dish Pizza is the Real Deal

The Pizza Hut team invited Gale Gand, partner in the popular Chicago restaurant Tru and a North Shore native, to try The Chicago Dish Pizza. Although best known for her dazzling desserts, Gand knows her way around a pizza peel. Her experience includes working for three years in London with Bob Payton, who introduced Chicago-style pizza to Europe at his famed Chicago Pizza Pie Factory restaurant.

Gand was impressed with the authenticity of The Chicago Dish Pizza, the abundance of stringy mozzarella cheese, and the texture, taste and flakiness of the crust. Her favorite toppings were the traditional Chicago combination - Italian sausage, mushrooms and onions.

"The richness of the crust surprised me," said Gand. "It's light and flaky, almost like pastry. It's soft, but golden and slightly crispy on the outside. There's real craftsmanship to the way it's made," she added.

"It looks like a Chicago deep-dish pizza. It's loaded with toppings and lots of mozzarella cheese. I'm excited that Pizza Hut is bringing Chicago-style pizza to the rest of the country," said Gand. "Now everyone can fall in love with the dish that Chicago calls its own."

The Magic Combination of Innovation and Value

With the introduction of The Chicago Dish Pizza, Pizza Hut executives believe they have not only successfully solved the greatest pizza puzzle in recent history, but also are following in the tradition of doing what the company does best: combining innovation and value.

According to Evans, consumers have come to expect innovation and variety from Pizza Hut restaurants. "Our customers count on us to bring exciting new products with fresh, high-quality ingredients, attractive pricing and a fun dining experience. And we are committed to giving customers what they want and when they want it," she said.

The Chicago Dish Pizza launch, one of the company's most significant new product introductions, will be supported by national marketing and
advertising campaign, including television, print and radio advertising, in-restaurant point of purchase materials and online initiatives.

boycott the daily!

once again proving that A2 is fertile ground for anyone looking to complain about anything to drum up support, various student groups on campus are currently boycotting the Michigan Daily. according to some sort of formal petition that was filed, "The Michigan Daily has become a publication that manifests the institutional racism and ignorance that plague communities of color, and threatens the progress of the campus community at large." granted, i haven't read The Daily consistently since i left ann arbor just over a year ago, but it is difficult for me to imagine that the paper has really shifted that far to the right (let alone suddenly morphed into a Racist Mouthpiece) in such a short amount of time. when i was there, the paper never really excelled in anything other than the consistently difficult crossword puzzles which kept me awake during many a boring lecture, so i find it slightly implausible that the paper now excels in being racist. gimme a break. can anyone from A2 contribute anything to this discussion? friggs, what do you think? any comments from the brothers stevenson?

ray liotta has Oscar buzz

only in the pages of NME

NME.com visitors recently ranked their all-time favourite (note the "our" spelling) Oasis singles. in a semi-upset, "Live Forever" outscored heavy favourite "Wonderwall". the top 10 go as follows (in order): "Live Forever", "Don't Look Back In Anger", "Supersonic", "Wonderwall", "Whatever", "Some Might Say", "Cigarettes & Alcohol", "Stop Crying Your Heart Out" and "D'Ya Know What I Mean." While I could debate the merits of just about every Oasis single ever released, my own personal Top 5 would have to run in this order.

what? and postpone the highly anticipated Episode 3 of "8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter"? no WAY!

somebody call immigration!

reader retort

fast becoming the Andy Rooney of whatevs.org (by his own admission, not mine) is the FOW known as The Gorilla. today's rant revolves around the latest marketing gimmick that Jeff Bezos launched on the unsuspecting masses, The Amazon Gold Box...

What’s with the Amazon Gold Box?

If you’re not familiar with the Gold Box, it’s a series of discounted items that are available to you everyday (usually 10-15 things) to registered Amazon customers. You can only buy one deal a day, and you only have 1 hour to contemplate purchasing this item at the discounted price before its GONE FOREVER. It’s also the most random collection of shit ever assembled. Today I was offered:
--a weed wacker (Sure what ever, I wack all sorts of stuff, why not weeds)
--stainless steel calipers (in case I needed to caliperate something I guess)
--a HP calculator that appeared to be from 1986 (release bean counter within)
--a Magic Kitty Pink Persian stuffed toy, which is fun and prepares you for a life as a gay cat beautician
--a $64 clock radio so over done with features the Sharper Image said, “hey isn’t that a bit much?”
--drill bits to remove broken off screws (I can’t tell you how often my beefy guns crank down so hard on the old Philips I BREAK OFF THE HEAD OF SCREW)
--a “contractor grade” box cutter for the suicidal terrorists who finds exactos a bit flimsy
--Chardonnay wine glasses (do not operate with weed wacker)
--A $2000 (hey that’s an $855 savings) Generac Portable Products 1339 10,000 Watt Electric Start Generator, because you know sometimes Edison gets stingy with the old watts and volts
--And finally a woodworkers table saw (table not included), which probably operates quite well on less than 10,000 watts

guess who's back?

candy ravers

make me your mission

it was only a matter of time. all the years of grit & toil in dive bars is about to pay-off. yes, they've rocked the Lager House. yes, they used to blow the roof off the Rivertown Cafe and Griff's Grill. and yes, they even appeared on stage at the legendary Magic Stick. but none of these shows will hold a candle to when The Prime Ministers take the stage as the opening act for Imperial Teen at the Majestic Theater on Saturday, October 26. as if Imperial Teen coming to town wasn't enough, an opening slot by Rochester Hills' favourite purveyors of Power Pop Pleasure will turn 10.26 into a night to remember. not since Metallica and Guns 'N' Roses played together at the Silverdome in 1992 has a dual bill had this much potential for greatness (i would have to include The Strokes and The White Stripes on that list, too. obvs). lead Minister (and world class FOW) Todd Wicks had this to say in an email sent out yesterday: "Ned, Jason and I would like to thank everyone who attended either of our shows in September. 'Tis truly a wondrous time to be alive, and around to experience this recent, unprecedented streak of PM performances. The big news this month is our opening slot for Imperial Teen at the Majestic Theatre in Detroit. Not only have we never played there before, we've also never opened for a well-known national act before. Will we be cowed by the size of the venue? Probably. Star-struck by the presence of the headliners? Most likely. Get really, really overexcited when we find out there's a "backstage area" for us to hang out in? Almost certainly."

sixth joker's card

quick hits

shatters. today is gonna be a wicked busy day. i can't promise tons of updates throughout the course of the day, but you know me, if i'm near a computer, i'm going to be finding shizz to post. before i give you some tasty links, i just want you to know that if you were planning on seeing "Red Dragon" this weekend, don't waste your time. i was thoroughly offended by how bad it was, so much so that I've got a HUGE Brett Ratt rant to get off my chest this weekend. skip "Red Dragon" and go buy "Manhunter" instead. as promised, here are a few hot headlines from this morning.

--Sunnydale is home to Buffy and The Scooby Gang, vampires and other assorted demons, and now The Breeders. On November 20, The Deal Sisters will appear on "Buffy The Vampire Slayer". The Bronze hasn't been this hot since Cibo Matto showed up in Season 1.

--Everyone knows that the new RHCP album is a strong contender for this year's Grahammy Award for Album Of The Year. Even the squares at Slate.com are taking the time to praise the album. This article specifically focuses on the genius level talent of John Frusciante.

--From the pages of Daily Variety (which you can't access without a subscription) comes word that Kirsten Dunst has been added to the cast of Michel Gondry's upcoming film, entitled "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." The film was written by Charlie Kaufman (of "Being John Malkovich", "Human Nature" and "Adaptation" fame) and also stars Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet. Variety describes the film in this way: "Like Kaufman's "Being John Malkovich," much of "Sunshine" takes place in the recesses of the brain. Carrey will play a man who tries to erase a particularly steamy relationship he had with his ex-mate, and Dunst will portray an office receptionist who gets caught up in the complications of the memory elimination process." Obvs.

haterade

quick update before i go to bed. some unnamed FOWs were heard spouting haterade on the recent updates (or lack thereof) on whatevs.org at tonight's screening of "Blue Crush." allz i gotsta say is, "man, wazzupwidat?" it's all good, however, because by the end of the night, we were all rooting for continued appearances of outdoor X-box sightings and future Penny Chatwick feature film spin-offs.

but it is worth noting that I will be out of the office at a legendary "off-site" meeting all day today, and hence won't be able to get up any posts. but since i've always got the FOWs in mind, here is some good scoop for pop music fans. the gallic wonders known as Tahiti 80 have just announced a Detroit show on Sunday, November 10 at Alvin's. i hope to see some FOWs in attendance, obvs. until friday, this is your Uncle Grambo signing out.

brew & view

sing when you're rich

aaron sorkin = sids

long time listener, first-time caller

it always brings a smizz to my mizz when a new FOW joins the mix. allow me to introduce you to Aris, an A2 based FOW who shares a similar passion with your Uncle Grambo for melodious indie rock and fine lookin' ladies. he saw last week's posting on the recent Eddie Vedder / Bruce Springsteen collaboration and had this to say...

From: "Aris"
To: markdgraham@yahoo.com
Subject: Bruce/Ed
Date: Tue, 01 Oct 2002 04:41:44 GMT

Mark:

A Pearl Jam / EV reference on Whatevs.org is a guaranteed way to grab my attention, that's for sure! While Eddie doesn't wear his allegiance to Bruce on his sleeve as much as say, Pete T. or Neil Y., the Boss is certainly a big influence on Ed. Traces of the Boss can be found sprinkled throughtout the PJ catalog both musically and especially in terms of being, dare I say, an ethical rock star, putting music above all the peripheral bs. Not to mention that the energy (and often duration) of a PJ show definitely takes its cue from the Boss.

Regarding "Bobby Jean," Pearl Jam didn't cover it as a band but Ed played it at one of his surprise solo shows in '99. A show that I would've given my left pinky to see. Details here: http://fivehorizons.com/tour/cc/t1999.shtml#06/26/99.

Check out an MP3 of "My Hometown" below: http://www.songprotest.com/bruce/tacoma.

From some PJ friends I know who were right up close, Ed was frighteningly nervous onstage (as is evidenced by his flubbing the lyrics), trembling, and clearly in awe of Bruce. I'm sure it was a huge honor for Ed to share the stage with him.

as cool as this sounds now, you just know it's gonna suck

case buzz

BREAKING NEWS!

first of all, we have a late-breaking entry from this morning's Detroit News which explores the phenomenon that is sweeping the nation -- TIP JARS IN COFFEE SHOPS! say it ain't so! what is America coming to these days?