quick hits

don't worry, i'll get to this weekend's Movement Festival plans early this afternoon ... but until then, here's some blips and bleeps on the pop culture radar for all y'all FOWs.

who knew? the hottest single in NYC (at least according to the NYT) is a song called "Cameltoe" by an all-girl rap group called Fannypack! buzz! but the best part of the article is when The Gray Lady actually DESCRIBES what cameltoe is for their underinformed readers! and i quote, "Cameltoe is slang for a fashion faux pas caused by women wearing snug pants; the term suggests a visual analogy." first Jayson Blair, now cameltoe resets ... what is the world coming to?

on the sad tip, it seems like Vincent Gallo's life is coming apart at the seams after the disasterous reception to the screening of his new film, "The Brown Bunny." according to a report filed just 34 minutes ago, Gallo has vowed never to make another movie again! "I'll never make another movie again. I mean it," he said. "Being booed at was not much fun. It's really not very nice that people are so nasty. I'm very disappointed ... It is a disaster of a film and it was a waste of time. I apologize to the financiers, but it was never my intention to make a pretentious film, a self-indulgent film, a useless film, an unengaging film." say it ain't so, yo! i, for one, have always got Gallo's back. he's probably the coolest guy to walk the face of the planet in the last half-century. you don't believe me? he doesn't even read! get this (and I quote), he said in a press conference the other day that "I have never read a book in my life. I lived with William Burroughs for six months - funny guy - but never read a word of his apart from the postcards he wrote to me. I've been in 35 movies and I never read a script, not even the ones for my own ones." he writes and directs his own films, but he doesn't even read his own scripts! how best ever is that? Gallo ... so much buzz to this day. remember when he invented bullet time in "Buffalo `66"? don't believe me? rent it! if you're like me and you just can't get enough Gallo buzz, check out this article from London's Guardian newspaper, or perhaps this review of "The Brown Bunny" from ScreenDaily.

strange things are afoot at "American Idol." Drudge is reporting that the numbers reported on Wednesday's results show just don't jive and that there will likely be an audit of the results! some are calling it a "modern day version of the $64,000 Pyramid"! so rigged! and, as I revealed yesterday, both Ru and Clay have already inked record deals, Big Ru on Clive "Spoilers Revealed" Davis' J Records and Claymate Aiken-Me-Crazy on RCA. no buzz.

"It appears to this senator that the American people may have been lured into accepting the unprovoked invasion of a sovereign nation, in violation of long-standing international law, under false premises ... If the situation in Iraq is the result of liberation, we may have set the cause of freedom back 200 years." — Senator Robert Byrd

as originally revealed by JP McKrengels, Princeton philosophy professor Cornell West cameos in "The Matrix Reloaded." The NYT profiles him.

americans idle

thank GAWD we don't have to deal with the non-event that is "American Idol" for at least another few months. obvs you've heard by now that Big Ruben beat out Claymation for the honor of being called this year's "American Idol" ... I say no buzz. despite having a vote that was almost as close as the 2000 Presidential Election, last night's finale was annoyingly anti-climactic and probably the dullest two hours of television that I've ever seen. wouldn't you agree? all of the tension in the room dissapated like a balloon that's been burst by a safety pin when 172 year old Clive "Spoilers Revealed" Davis announced that he would be releasing albums from both Ruben and Clay in the same week ... wait a minute. what was the point of the whole competition then? we've been waiting since January only to find out that who won the competition doesn't even matter? so let me get this straight, BOTH of them have already signed record deals and have already been in the studio? no buzz whatsoevs! so Durst, I changed the channel right then and there. of course I tuned back around 9:50 to see who would be crowned the American Bozo, and I have to admit that I'm a little disappointed that it wasn't Clay. after the announcement, Ruben just kinda stood there on stage, flop-sweating even worse than Albert Brooks in "Broadcast News", and managed to barely mouth something along the lines of "thank you, love y'all" or some tired bullshit like that. where was the emotion? where was the enthusiasm? remember when Kelly won last year? she couldn't even get through her victory song without breaking down! this year, Big Ru already knew he was in the money whether he "won" or "lost" — the fact that he won the competition (don't even get me started on that effin' song he sang) barely registered with him. totally Durst.

i really and truly believe that Fox killed the Golden Goose during this go-round of American Idol. I haven't seen the Nielson ratings yet, but I think that I remember that 24 million Americans voted to determine the winner of this year's pseudo-competition. Wasn't the number from last fall 26 million? or did I just completely make that up? but anyway, this year's competition was filled with scandals (Frenchie, Corey, Treynce) that ate away at Idol's brand integrity and did nothing to boost the show's ratings. we endured weeks where no competitors were kicked off, we endured three nights of pure fluff leading up to last night's finale, and we endured some flat-out terrible dancing and karaoke gone Durst singing from this year's finalists. the only thing that had any buzz whatsoevs last night was a two minute sequence that showed Paula and Simon dining together and flirting shamelessly, including Paula straight up licking whip cream off Cowell's finger (so much oral insinuation!) and rubbing his leg under the dinner table. it all climaxed (i choose my words carefully) with some hot interracial kissing buzz ... pure hottness! obvs it was quickly revealed as a dream sequence with Randy Jackson hilariously popping out of Simon's bed and spouting one of his now-trademark "yo dawg" comments. best! but other than that, this season was altogether forgettable. in the words of Nummer and The H-Bomb, zero coneys.

hedgehog revealed!

let me see that tootsie roll!

4 out of 5 doctors agree. life is just plain *better* when Vincent Gallo is in the news. the writer/director/star of "Buffalo `66" (who's also acted in films as diverse as "Freeway 2: Confessions Of A Trickbaby" and "Palookaville") has a new film, "The Brown Bunny", that made its debut at the Cannes Film Festival earlier this afternoon. in typical Gallo fashion, controversy erupted after the screening! he was booed mercilessly (at a press conference, no less!) by journalists who were astounded by an apparently ultra-graphic scene in the film in which Chloe Sevigny gives Gallo some road head. BEST! while he defended himself and his film in this press conference, he also revealed that he flat out dissed Kirsten Dunst and Winona Ryder when they asked for roles in the film! apparently he was ready to move forward with Winonzies in a minor role, but when he flew her to the location (and I quote Gallo here) "She ballbusted me about the make-up and about the wardrobe" and he decided it wasn't worth the hassle and fired her!. So, to fill her role, he told his crew "We are going into town and the first girl over 12 and under 100 is going to be the girl in the movie" !!! and they did just that! Gallo ... so best!

speaking of Cannes, I can't believe that the world is all up in arms because Nicole Kidman smokes cigarettes! what a non-story! it would only be a story if they revealed that she smoked P-Funks ... now that would be unadulterated buzzworthyness. parliament lights ... best smokes evs? but back to Satine for a sec ... US Weekly reveals that she's still dating Q-Tip. despite the fact that he hasn't had buzz since "Vivrant Thing", i give props out to NK for gettin' freaky deaky with a hip-hop supastar after all those years of not gettin' any action from T. Cruise.

and while we're still on the topic of Cannes, Gus Van Sant's new film, "Elephant", is getting rave reviews from everyone and looks like a leading candidate for the Palmes D'Or. despite the fact that it's not a documentary about the making of the new White Stripes album (no, that would be a Jason Priestley Joint ... remember that BNL tour film? nope, neither do I), my fave film columnist Jeffrey Wells waxes enthusiastically about the film, which he calls "by far the most penetrating, arousing shaker-upper I've seen so far at the Cannes Film Festival. It's GERRY meets Columbine by way of early '60s Antonioni." after "Gerry", I say Van Sant can do no wrong. I forgive him for the "Psycho" remake and even for "Finding Forrester" ... YOU'RE THE MAN NOW, DAWG! go Gus go.

on a completely different note, my boy Solo over at Solotarian Views just came up with a Separated At Birth reset that just KILLS for anyone who's an NBA fan (esp. Mavs fans). must be seen to be believed.

yeah, so what if "Human Nature" had SARS? Michel Gondry has too much talent to let a trainwreck like that movie stop his career. The London Guardian profiles him.

next big idea. Tsars With SARS. trust me.

buzz. Travis to release new album by year's end.

the politics of dancing

while i'm fairly confident that the percentage of Americans who held Jayson Blair in a sympathetic light was relatively low before, the New York Observer's exclusive interview will effectively ruin the man in just about everyone's eyes. aside from being a self-described "former total cokehead", he trashes just about anyone who has ever professionally supported him, including embattered executive editor Howell Raines and his managing editor, Gerald Boyd. he even manages to deliver some Stephen Glass crackbacks and, most disturbingly, takes exceptional glee in his moral corruption and deceptive ways: "I don't understand why I am the bumbling affirmative-action hire when Stephen Glass is this brilliant whiz kid, when, from my perspective - and I know I shouldn't be saying this - I fooled some of the most brilliant people in journalism. He's so brilliant and yet somehow I'm an affirmative-action hire. They're all so smart, but I was sitting right under their nose fooling them...If they're all so brilliant and I'm such an affirmative-action hire, how come they didn't catch me?" note to Blair. they DID catch you, jackass! what a total effin fuckstick this kid is...i can't believe he's reveling in his fall from grace in such a public manner! fuck you, you fuckin' fuckball! Durst. of. all. time. belfourblows!

can anyone tell me why Canada blows? if you needed yet another reason to hate Canada, today's Freep reveals that the Canadians tried to send Mad Cow infested trash over to Stateside garbage dumps!! what kinda effin' country are they running over there anyway? first there was Anne Murray, then SARS and now Mad Cow resets? wtf? Durst. country. ever.

speaking of Durst, i've got more actual Durst news to report on. according to an article posted on MTV.com today, Durst is now apparently bests with Avril Lavigne! i guess they met at the taping of that Metallica ICON show and became fast friends. Durst apparently has gone as far as wearing an "I Heart Avril" t-shirt in public. how Durst can Durst possibly get? DURST! (EDITOR'S NOTE: when I say Durst, i'm using it as an adjective. when I say Durst, I'm actually referring to Durst. get it got it good.)

hmmm, where have I read this article before? STP's Scott Weiland gets busted for drugs ... again! duh!

science beers

memo to Rick Carlisle. wtf? i'm having difficulty understanding your coaching decisions from last night's Game 2 loss to the Nets. from watching the game and from looking at the box score, i've got some hard questions for ya...

1. why did you decide to start Tayshaun Prince over Michael Curry last night? i know that the Motor City has Tayshaun fever right now, but that doesn't mean that you give a rookie 25 minutes of court time in a must-win game? sure, we all know that having Curry and Big Ben on the floor at the same time puts a serious cramp on the team's ability to score, but that's the formula that got you fifty-two regular season wins and a trip to the Eastern Conference finals — why change now?

2. why did Chauncey play 41 minutes last night? he was clearly ineffective on both the offensive AND defensive ends of the floor (4 of 13 from the field, 1 of 6 from downtown). along the same lines, playing Chucky Atkins for only 7 minutes is an atrocity, he clearly deserves 15 minutes of PT a game. his contributions in the Philly series were huge, he deserves some merit minutes. c'mon now!

3. why did we suck so hard from the free-throw line? while guys like Corliss should take some bashing here, i'm mainly talkin' about Mr. Wallace. Ben, you know that we love ya. you're an absolute beast in the paint. fear the fro and all that jazz. but shit, man! learn how to shoot an effin' free throw! aren't there coaches telling you that your shoulders lurch backward and your body weight is falling away from the basket as you prepare to release your shot? don't you watch video of yourself and try to correct your mistakes? i just don't get it. we'd settle for 50%, big guy! (btw, the Pistons shot 67% from the line, compared to the Nets 79%)

4. why did you put the ball in the hands of Uncle Cliffy and Corliss in the closing minutes of the 4th quarter? i know that Corliss scored 9 fourth quarter points last night, but that doesn't mean that he was playing well. he was missing free throws and taking ill advised shots, not to mention the fact that Kenyon Martin was eating him alive offensively. where was Rip? maybe it's because he's young and has a tendency to disappear in the 4th Quarter, but it's time to face facts. along with Chauncey (who had an off-night), Rip is the team's offensive leader and we have to start being able to rely on him to get points in crunch time.

remember zora?

of course you do! she was the fetching brunette who captured the eye of Joey Mills back in the halcyon days of February `03. remember when she went hot tubbing with the likes of Evan Mills, Cindy Schubert (aka Sarah Kozer) and some of the other trashy dames on the best "reality" show of all-time? remember how demure and timid she was? she wouldn't even take off her tank top! leave it to Uncle Grambo to reveal these revealing images that I discovered during a random Google search this weekend! apparently they were taken from some local calendar that she posed for ... looks like she's not that innocent after all!

danger! high voltage!

dear readers,

i would like to apologize for any feelings of neglect that you may have experienced over the past few days. of late, my posts have been sporadic and not as full of PHC as the FOW Nation deserves. i was in the midst of a kickass post yesterday around 2pm when, all of a sudden, the power for the entire city of Troy just fizzled. it was like those FBI agents from "Die Hard" got ahold of the city manager and ordered a full grid shutdown. fortunately for your Uncle Grambo, this resulted in a free afternoon — it was spent bike riding, playing basketball and downloading some songs to my new iPod. obvs. then of course there was Ash last night, which obvs was best (props out to The Grizz, Mandypantalons and obvs Damore for a good night out in Tha D). but enough about me, let's get right to biznass in the world of pop culture.

it's the end of an era. tonight marks the Final Episode of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer." laugh all you want, but anyone who's spent anytime with Buffy Summers and The Scooby Gang over the years understands that it's easily one of the great shows in television history (esp. Seasons 2 - 4). to mark this occasion, show creator / writer / director Joss Whedon sat down with The New York Times and answered some questions direct from the fans.

local journo fave The Grizz has printed a couple of fab articles over the last few days. in yesterday's DetNews, he did an excellent job recapping this season of "American Idol", complete with a healthy dose of Randy Jackson rips. c'mon dawg, you know this season had no buzz (which is especially ironic considering that this article is completely buzzworthy). and Friday's edition showcased The Grizz's review of the new Marilyn Manson album ("...continues Manson's slow fade into irrelevance."). keep your eyes out for an upcoming story on this weekend's Movement Festival featuring FOW Extraordinare Damore! developing...

good charlotte!

not the shatts rock band, i'm talkin' Charlotte Hatherly (guitarist from Ash) buzz! and check out Damore with Tim Wheeler! Ash ... SO BEST!!! more pics from last night's gig @ the shelter will be posted later today...

don't bomb when you're the bomb

has Damon Albarn officially gone crazy? according to NME, Damon wants Blur to record their next album in Baghdad!!! quoth Albarn, "(I want to do it) even if everyone thinks I'm crazy. I love the way the Iraqis arrange strings and vocals." note to Damon: have you SEEN the news lately? Baghdad is insanicus! and btw, just because you like the way that Iraqis arrange strings doesn't mean that you have to go to Iraq to record! Iraqis *DO* exist outside of the country of Iraq, ya know. Blur ... some say no longer relevant.

blogging with the Times

anyone who's anyone takes a few hours each and every Sunday to pour through The New York Times. and if you were one of the lucky ones just yesterday, you got to see not one but TWO articles on blogging. the first focuses on dating someone who blogs, but it's really more about people's anxieties to reveal the fact that they actually take time out of their lives to post. some people fear that their friends will turn on them (not for your Uncle Grambo, it's actually increased the number of friends I have!), others have concerns that work colleagues will find out (I've had a nightmare or ten about this very subject). the only thing that keeps this article from being best evs is the fact that there's no mention of whatevs.org whatsoevs. but you can change that! in fact, the Fashion & Style Forum is looking for YOUR fave blogs (subtle hint hint). superschmobvs.