but before i go...

these are the questions that keep me up at night

Is the new Ashanti record worth buying?
How are the Red Wings going to survive without Sergei Federov next season?
Why are the boys from Interpol working with the guy who produced "Planet Rock"?
Can "Pirates Of The Carribean" possibly live up to my high expectations?

well, thankfully the internet can answer all of my questions. if you have neither the time nor the patience to click through on the links above, the answers are (respectively): no, they're gonna suck, they're remixing "Obstacle 1" and hellz yes.

on that note, I'm outta here for the weekend. until then, I'll be crazy in love with Beyonce. untz.

puddle jumping

The Grizz called me earlier this morning and reported that Liz Phair enters this week's Billboard charts at #27 after her self-titled record moved 35K units during its first week of release. frankly mr. shankly, i'm shocked that it moved that many copies with all the negative press. while I'm sure that the folks over at Capitol aren't exactly doing backflips at this very moment, this kind of a debut doesn't mark "career suicide" (eff off Meghan O'Rourke). here's what the label needs to do (and what I'm anticipating they will do): give the current single some time to grow, then release "rock me" around the end of the summer after Liz has completed her cross-country tour (dates in NY and Chicago have already sold out). if all of the moons align, gold status is certainly not out of reach within the next year. which i can only assume will be quite obvs with the suits. it's quite obvs with me.

beginning immediately, the state of Michigan will begin issuing vertical drivers licenses for everyone under the age of 21. this switcharoo will supposedly help keep minors out of bars and from buying booze ... yeah rizz!

"I’m coming with new shit, futuristic 2005–2006 shit. And that’s it. Cuz RZA got some shit that’s dangerous, you know what I’m saying? He’s definitely the Abbot. And Roc-a-Fella’s coming tight as hell. So it’s just going to be something for the ear to hear. I got something for the ladies also. I got one with the Neptunes called 'Operator.' That shit is hot. Future shit." Vice Magazine interviews Dirt McGirt, aka ODB and/or Big Baby Jesus. the quote reminded me of the now infamous interview that The Grizz conducted with Kool Keith back in the day where Keith said, ""My stuff is so ahead of the time, that by the time martians get out here, they might get it. I think I'm the most advanced artist out right now. I gotta wait till everybody catches up." you gotta read this article, it's probably the best interview in the history of journalism ... well at least in the history of CM Life. obvs! (Dirt McGirt link via Slatch)

how come it took me this long to discover The Sports Guy's column over at ESPN.com? some truly hilarious shit for anyone who keeps up with the latest and greatest in sports. thanks to the Information Leaf Blower for the tip. btw, the ILB is a great blog for those of you (and I know that you're out there) who are down with sports. check it out.

while the great Kim Mathers debate (hott or nott?) rages on the post below, here's a link to some video of her appearance in court yesterday. i still say hott. certainly WT but certainly hott. man hands be damned.

Video game ratings get updated by the ESRB. specifically, the update adds depth to the descriptions of violence that are listed on the external packaging of video games. The new classifications are "cartoon violence", "fantasy violence", "intense violence" and "sexual violence." but remember, if you're Gavzies Rossdizz, there's no sex in your violence!

sick and tired

just about every major critic has weighed in on "Liz Phair" and the resulting opinions have not been pretty. while i understand where all of the venom is coming from, I still feel like there hasn't been a major rock critic (esp. men) who actually *got* the record. so imagine my surprise this morning when I read Robert Christgau's Village Voice review this morning and it was (very close to) a rave! no wonder, i always knew that there was a reason that he's been my fave music critic for years and years. all of the Liz fans out there who've been cringing at the critical smackdown that this record has been facing should revel in the following excerpt:

"'Liz Phair' may not be her best album, but don't bet on it. For sure it's the one I want to hear right now, next month, all year. It includes no bad songs—at worst a couple of dubious or uninspired ones—and four or five every bit as indelible as "Flower" ... (the record) insults the indie world by successfully fusing the personal and the universal, challenging lowest-common-denominator values even as it fellates them. You want her to express herself? She just did."

can't wait to see how the record performs when Billboard releases their Soundscan numbers later this afternoon. i'd be happily surprised with a Top 50 debut, but I think that's a little lofty considering all the haterade that's been doused on Liz. and btw, I saw the video for "Why Can't I?" on VH-1's Top 20 Video Countdown this past weekend, where it made a debut at #19. hey, that happened to be one spot higher than Madonna's "Hollywood" video!

in "American Idol" news, the AP is reporting that Justin "Sideshow" Guarini received a ticket for almost running a five-year old girl over with a speedboat at some place called Joe Pool Lake. first of all, who the eff hangs out a place called Joe Pool Lake? what, had Joe Cool Lake already been trademarked and this was the next closest thing? durst. word has it that Kelly Clarkson was on board at the time. question to Kelly ... why hang with Justin when you're not getting paid? don't fret "American Idol" fans, cause Davis recently revealed that Kelly recently recorded a commentary track for the upcoming "From Justin 2 Kelly" DVD ... some say most anticipated commentary track since Carrot Top on "ROA"!

i don't remember how I first stumbled on their website, but I've been on the mailing list for The First Time Records for close to a year. so when I received their latest newsletter yesterday trumpeting a band from the early `90s called Twenty Four Gone, I thought I would consult the FOW Nation to see if anyone out there has ever heard of this band and, more specifically, of their LP called "The Spin" ??? the synopsis included in the email pushes all of my musical buttons. dig on this: "Twenty Four Gone were one of the most underrated bands of the early 90s American dream-pop revolution. Influenced by bands such as Echo & The Bunnymen, The Stone Roses, Ride, The Smiths, and others, the band had a strong cult following with fans and with radio DJs, who to this day, continue to play their singles "Girl Of Colours," "Trust," and "In Her Heart". Hear the band in all their glory with the 2003 release of the Spin, including a couple remixes and bonus material!" Can anyone out there confirm or deny buzz? I tried looking on Soulseek last night to no avail. (UPDATE: Check out MacK10's review of Twenty Four Gone's "The Spin" ... 4 1/2 stars out of 5!)

so much kim buzz

sure she's a cokehead and sure Em will pistol whip you if you try to kiss her at Hot Rocks, but doesn't this photo make it look like she's worth the effort? this shot was taken yesterday as Kim Mathers appeared in a St. Clair Shores courtroom to plead innocent to possession of up to 25 grams of cocaine, driving with a suspended license and unsafe driving near a stopped emergency vehicle. i say buzz.

best canada crack-back evs?

courtesy of Miss Modernage over at themodernage.org ... who knew that New Yorkers had as much anti-Canada venom as Midwesterners? it only makes me love that site even more. witness the buzz...

"We spent Sunday in Central Park, and caught Gay Canada Day. We saw lots of Canadians and lots of gays ... and as Lawrence mentioned to us, it was kinda difficult to tell the difference."

don't call me starbucks

so does anyone have any experience with that new Axe body spray stuff? they've been running a variety of commercials for at least the last few months that are chock fulla hotties, but I haven't been persuaded enough to actually go out and buy a bottle / can / whatever it comes in. over on Slate, Rob Walker waxes on metrosexuality (btw Rob, that was appropriate convo topic like LAST WEEK!) and this product that's seemingly targeted directly at that emerging demographic.

speaking of hotties, i spotted a girl at the gym last night who was a dead ringer for Keira Knightley. she was wearing a black, lycra sports bra and Daisy Dukes that said "Hottie" on her arse. SO best! i was so distracted that i almost fell off the treadmill when she walked in the room. untz.

according to NME, Moby closed out Glasto with an (and I quote) "astounding" cover of "Creep" ... don't know about you, but I say that's completely yawn worthy. i would've rather heard a cover of "For Nancy ('Cos It Already Is)." Nancy Peabs ... now THERE'S a hottie! sweet, sweet Nanc.

it's about god damn time that someone wrote an article praising euchre!

after all of the pre-concert controversy surrounding Field Day, I never really saw any recaps that praised or dissed the festival. but Big Matt from Motorcityrocks.com forwarded along this photo that shows Field Day in full-on SARS mode. adding insult to my injury, this photo was apparently taken during Liz Phair's performance. ouch! in her defense, no way in hell should Liz EVER be expected to fill Giants Stadium to capacity, especially during a rainstorm!

round and round

nope, not Ratt stizz. i'm talkin' Tevin Campbell stizz. remember that little 11 year old punk ass who Prince thought was the second coming of Stevie Wonder? sure, he blew Apes but that "Round And Round" song was the bomb diggs, yo. obvs. anyslizzle...

"I thought I was a nice guy, but I've come to realize I'm just a big douche bag." are these the words of Frank McPicklebasket? JP McKrengels? nope, Carson Daly. apparently there's a special coming up on MTV called "MTV Bash" where Jeffrey Ross roasts Carson. uh, what? since when is Carson roast-worthy? some say less necessary than last year's abysmal Chevy Chase Roast. that being said, I'll still watch. special guests include Brit Brit, The Hilton Sisters, Madonna, Kid Rock and Sarah Silverman, among others. not sure when it's on, but you can bet yo' ass that you'll be watching reruns on MTV for the next six weeks.

breaking buzz! FORD FIELD TO HOST THE 2009 FINAL FOUR!!!

if you haven't done so already, check out Matthew Tobey as he guest blogs for Neal Pollack over on Nealpollack.com. Mr. Tobey is one of the editors of a website called Haypenny, a website that kind of reminds me of a cross between McSweeneys and The Onion. in addition to this formidable assignment, he is also a FOW with a daily blog (Matthew Tobey's The City Of Floating Blogs) that's well worth your time. good times.

and in the "Stroke My Ego" category comes this direct quote from our new friends over at Supernautic: "Whatevs has taken over themodernage for my favorite blog. Great site that distills of bunch of the best pop-culture info that I am addicted to. Plus the blog originates from the same state as me. Make sure to check it out because it really is a great blog." well shiver me timbers. thanks for the buzz generation and the very kind words! whatevs.org has always been very appreciative of any recognition that it's ever received. cheers to Supernautic!

competition

while Amanda Bynes is still whatevs.org's #1 leading lady, "Pirates Of The Carribean" / "Bend It Like Beckham" star Keira Knightley is making a serious run at the throne. witness the quickness as I kick this pure hottness. obvs.

dirty vs. playbs

so i've got a few minutes in between meetings, right? so obvs i swing back to my desk and check out Romenesko ... who doesn't? anysluts, what occured next was an epic moment of Best Everness that I will remember for at least the next few days. so I'm scanning through the top entries in search of buzz when, out of nowhere, I read the name Jason McKean and Playboy magazine in the same post and almost shat my drawers. yep, that would be some Dirty McKean (aka Filthy McKean) buzz with primetime hottness stamped all over it! Dirty is a Chicago-based FOW (so much Coldplay at UIC buzz!) who also happens to be an Art Director at the Chicago Tribune, and the paper asked him to contribute some thoughts on the recently redesigned Playboy magazine. here are a few of the highlights from the article:

"The main problem is a schizophrenic desire to appeal to multiple generations ... Most of the MTV-appealing bits are organized in the opening "After Hours" section. It's fronted by "Babe of the Month"--partially clothed B-lister Monica Keena--a feature that apparently emerged from focus groups without a second thought on what to call it."

"These efforts feel like a half-hearted attempt to appeal to a younger generation and reek of Old Man Poser. A sidebar 'on hiphop shoutouts to Playboy' says Hefner 'gets more props than a helicopter pad.' Who's writing this stuff? My dad?"

"Of course, nudity still abounds. But Playboy continues to shoot its models as though it's 1980 and everyone's auditioning for an all-nude episode of "Dallas." Soft light, diamonds and gold had their time. I'm certain it has passed."

"It's a 160-page mess. Playboy's half stuck in the last century, while trying get some footing in this one. It's a hodgepodge of information and ideas that lacks unity in voice, reason or, perhaps most important, intrigue ... What kind of man still reads Playboy? Heyday hangers-on and those looking for B-list celebrity skin."

starvin for PHC

dear FOWs,

i have been extremely busy this morning and it appears that the onslaught will not be slowing down (at least for the rest of the workday). while i usually am able to clear some time to update the FOW Nation, the odds of me doing so again today are slim and none. apologies to all, but i won't leave you starving for PHC. here's a few linkie links for pure sustenance value alone.

• the Liz Phair saga continues to get stranger and stranger. more reviews of her widely-bashed, self-titled fourth album have emerged from The Detroit News (The Grizz gives it a B+ and calls it "a whip-smart collection of pop ditties that aims to please, and does so exceedingly") and Spin Magazine (a mixed review that declares "It's not Liz Phair's job to be the icon we want her to be; Liz Phair's job is to reflect her own reality. And surrendering her spirit is evidently where she's at right now."). meanwhile, over at Slate.com, Mim Udovitch writes a piece that analyzes the place that Liz Phair currently occupies in the music scene as well as the places that she would like to occupy. it's a well-done piece that accomplishes all of the things that Meghan O'Rourke's failed NYT article. and speaking of which, Liz herself sent in a bizarre letter to the Times that quotes Chicken Little as a response to O'Rourke's scathing piece. must be read to be believed (last link courtesy of Miss Modernage).

• Charlotte Church is a smoker!

• "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle" flopped miserably at the box office this weekend. what happened? i've got thoughts. more on that later.

• London's The Sun reports on this past weekend's Glastonbury Festival in typical tabloid fashion: A Blasto at Glasto.

• apparently I missed the memo that Macomb County is now "cool" ... The Freep heaps praise on The Clem (aka Mount Clemens). whatevs, Macomb still sucks and The Clem is its capital of Chach. the only redeeming qualities of The Clem are Buddy Lembeck's place and their kickass B-Dubs.