who knew?

while it's neither surprising nor interesting to learn that Mike Tyson supports Kobe Bryant, it is WILDLY interesting to speculate on the existential dilemna that Tyson must have faced when choosing what font to use on his homemade "Free Kobe" banners. let's break it down, k? yellow background? check. the decision to run with ALL CAPS? not a toughie. using a maroon-ish typeface? obvs, that's an easier decision than whether to lead with the left jab or right roundhouse (who knew he was a fan of Central Michigan's colors?). but can't you just imagine the smoke that started wafting out of Tyson's ears when he got to selecting a font for his "Free Kobe" fliers? frankly, i'm shocked that he didn't decide to utilize Comic Sans MS (easily the worst font evs, as well as the "go to" font for brainless administrative assistants everywhere who fancy themselves junior art directors). note to Mike: it's called Verdana, look into it.

#1 contender

i know, i know, it's only been one day since I proclaimed TMFTML's "Once Upon A Times" as the front-runner for Post Of The Year. well that's still the case, but hot on the heels of that is Low Culture's "I Love 6 Months Ago." i liken reading this post to the first time to the first time I ever saw "Citizen Kane" ... after both, I sat back and marinated, jaw perched just slightly above the floor. and while I never EVER write a post specifically on one link, the brilliance of capturing the imagined thoughts of Michael Ian Black on "Mr. Personality" is just too choice to muck up with other distractions.

tick tock ya don't stop

The Sun wants YOU to vote for the Sexiest Song of All-Time. nominees include Kylie (for her new song, which I've yet to hear), Madge's "Justify My Love", X-Tina's "Dirrrty" and Sade's "Smooth Operator". curiously, Color Me Badd's (that's CMB to all the fans of the "New Jack City" soundtrack) "I Wanna Sex You Up" made the final eight. and while I initially scoffed and started mentally compiling reasons to rail on this song, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that, yes indeed, that song is pure hottness. some even say unfairly underrated ... buzz.

hey Adam Buckman, why don't you tell us how you REALLY feel? "I also think MTV believes its viewers are idiots and treats them like suckers." Seriously, what kind of journalist actually writes the phrase "I also think" into a column? And get this ... this is the last sentence in the article! Nice conclusion, pal.

forget bootylicious, Beyonce has turned coochie-licious!

"There was a lot revealed -- a lot revealed" ... The Detroit News goes deep under cover to explore how teens REALLY behave at school dances. And while you're over at The Snooze, you should take a few moments to check out The Grizz's interview with Fran Healy and M. Hudson Hawk's latest Car Culture column entitled "Neglect of Routine Car Repairs: A Time-Honored Tradition For Americans".

Do Renee Zellweggs and "voluptuous" deserve to occupy the same sentence? You make the call.

I just thought that this would be a good place to send a shout-out to Lindsayism. way hott.

Kim Mathers finally decided to show up for court and walked out with a tether on her ankle. with multiple charges facing her, she better get in all the downhill action she can in the next few weeks ... it's gonna be a l-o-n-g time before she hits the slopes again.

i've tried not to get too distracted by the death of Elliott Smith until this weekend. this week has been chock full of activities and I haven't really had the proper time to sit back in my apt, throw on "XO" and properly digest the events of earlier this week. however, I have read a few superb pieces on Elliott over the last few days. the Information Leafblower was kind enough to dig up an article on Smith that appeared in a recent issue of Under The Radar that will literally chill your bones. from a pure obit perspective, I think that Pitchfork, Slate and Jon Pareles' piece in The New York Times rank 1 -2 -3. and an old piece by Paul Fisher that appeared on Haypenny entitled "5 Sure-Fire Ways to Get Elliott Smith to Write a Song About You" is actually quite funny and, in a weird way, really made me both question and respect Elliott's musical accomplishments.

and finally, it's important to note that we're not generally the type to bathe ourselves in the murky waters of self-promotion, but this is an exception. wait, who am I kidding? i'm all about self-promotion! yours truly, Uncle Grambo, gets FRICKIN' NAME-DROPPED IN THIS WEEK'S VILLAGE VOICE! get O-U-T !!! i mean SERIOUSLY, Tricia Romano busts out with the URL and even an actual use of "whatevs" in her Fly Life gossip column! c'mon Stereogum, now you mos def gotsta hook me up on your next VH-1 special! are you effing kidding me? Uncle Grambo? Village Voice? no WAY! best day of my life? obvs. i'm gettin' effed tonizz, that's for sure. back up ladiez, one at a time. wait a sec. i really meant TWO at a time. there's plenty of Uncle love to go around. untz untz UNTZ!

jars of clay

you know, I think I've re-read The Grizz's review of the new Clay Aiken album six times in a row and laughed out loud at a different sentence each time. you can find the review in today's Detroit News, along with his review of the new Plastikman record. but for those of you who don't like to "click through", here's the Aiken review in full.

Clay Aiken, "Measure of a Man" (RCA)
By Adam Graham / The Detroit News

On his debut album, "Measure of a Man," second-season "American Idol" runner-up Clay Aiken proves himself to be alternately the male Celine Dion and the Stuart Smalley of pop music. Through this plain, Dionlike collection of midtempo ballads, Aiken dishes out bite-sized nuggets of daily affirmation: "Don't you hang your head, don't you give up yet, when courage starts to disappear I will be right here," Aiken sings on "I Will Carry You," and not since Jewel rereleased "Hands" in the wake of September 11 has a pop star so unconvincingly tried to assure us that we're all OK. "Measure of a Man" is full of moments where people are either lost in the cold or unable to find themselves, only to have Aiken step in and save the day, assuring them of their worth through his pained, too-Broadway-for-Broadway vocal stylings. The professional pop precision of producer Clive Davis is impeccable, however, and will surely put "Measure of a Man" on many Mom's Top 10 lists. Still, Aiken -- who has all the lustful sex appeal of Bob the Builder -- should be ashamed of himself. As Simon Cowell would say, "Dreadful!"
GRADE: D+

praise you like i should

"You won't understand a single word, and you'll beg for more, more, more!" praise for whatevs.org from our good friends over at Low Culture.

depending how into Apple you are, this excellent post may or may not be stale. I was just perusing the always excellent 1115.org (moderated and edited by two longstanding Left Coast FOWs, Method-One and Cashilini) when I came across this excellent post entitled "Why Apple Is Smarter Than Business Analysts Think." I downloaded the new iTunes for Windows app the other night and I'm mighty impressed. while I haven't purchased anything from the store (as one of the few people who's keeping the music industry afloat, I'm kinda sorta mostly opposed to paying for downloads), I love the look / feel of the interface and the fact that it's got some cool functionality (namely, rating songs) that other programs like WinAmp and MusicMatch don't have. but I'll leave it up to the Apple Nerds (no offense, yo!) like 1115.org and Information Leafblower to explain to you all the reasons that Apple wipes the floor with Windoze products.

drowning in PHC

there's so much PHC out there that it's totally effing with my head. add the fact that my head is pounding from a wicked Glenlivet inflicted hangover and you've got one confused Uncle Grambo. i can barely type, let alone put together words to form cohesive thoughts (see my complete and total eff-up in the comments section over at TMFTML). but with all this juicy hottness floating around the blogosphere, I'm simply compelled to try. with that in mind, please pardon the ensuing posts if they're not up to snuff.

enjoy this sneak preview of an article by The Grizz that will appear in tomorrow's DetNews. he recently spent some time talking to Fran Healy, the lead singer of Travis, who are coming through town next Wednesday nizz.

The Grizz:"So i wanted to talk to you about, I mean, the day of Neil's accident, did you think that was the end of the band?"
Franny: "I'd say 6 months before that that we were pretty much fucked."

i know that it's not exactly kosh to take the piss out of paralyzed peeps, but shmears, what the eff is up with Christopher Reeve's eyebrows? it looks like he got attacked by Tammy Fizz.

memo to Madge and Brit Brit: It's called "going to the well once too often" ... yes, the whole world knows you kissed and, don't get me wrong, it certainly created months worth of masturbation material for girls and boys alike. but your collaboration is strikingly devoid of buzz, despite the fact that your breasts are *THISCLOSE* to touching. i never thought it would come to this ... it makes me wanna cry. and Britney, it's one thing to vie for the spotlight and its another to be cast as a horrendously overexposeds slut. c'mon, when Madame Tussaud's immortalizes you as a pole dancer, you know that you've crossed the line from sexxxy starlet into full-fledged trashy ho status. fortunately, wilting boners everywhere will rejoice when you click through to appreciate these SFW pics of Monica Belucci and Amazonian beauty Charlize Theron. dunno about you, but Charlize gets my vote for Most Beautiful Woman Walking This Earth.

btw, the above pole dancing reset is courtesy of The Blueprint. the blog helmed by Foxy Jess is setting landspeed records all over the plizz for the amount of posts in one day. if you haven't bookmarked her yet, what are you waiting for?

no buzz. Coolfer disses The Donnas. who invited you?

get OUT! ABC's Saturday Morning Fall Preview Special from 1983! we're talking "The New Scooby and Scrappy-Doo Show", "Rubik's Cube: The Cartoon", another season of "Pac Man" and the launch of "The Monchichis"! remember these preview shows? natch, this was the original must-see TV for Gen X gradeschoolers, back when Saturday mornings weren't all fouled up with live action shows (thanks for nothing, T-NBC!) and animated merchandising ploys ruled the roost. ah yes, the good ole days.

Here's a pretty intense column on the marketing partnership between Coors Light and Miramax. all kindsa "Scary Movie 3" synergies up in here!

my name is KIIIIIIIIIDDDDD! i'm quite certain that this announcement doesn't bode well for Kid Rock's career. VH-1 will be taping two upcoming concerts at the Emerald Theater for an upcoming special. why VH-1 and not MTV? it looks like the kids have moved on to bigger and better rock stars, doesn't it?

worst

Fred "Rerun" Berry — 1951-2003. Rest in peace brotha, rest in peace. May the hookers and blow flow as freely for you in the afterlife as they did in this one. We'll always have Southfield.

band on fire!

tribute to elliott smith

the following memorial tribute came to me via email just moments ago. Peabs and I have had many a long discussion over the sheer brilliance of Elliott Smith's career, and more specifically, the wonders that are "XO" and "Figure 8." While Peabs has many intriguing theories, his ruminations on the concept album and how it relates to Elliott Smith are some of the most creatively stimulating conversations that I've fortunate to ever have been a part of. If you are ever in the presence of Peabs and have a few hours to kill, I highly recommend engaging him in said conversation. It is with that knowledge that I leave you for the day with this, MJP's tribute to the late, great Elliott Smith.

I Didn't Understand
by Matthew J. Peabody

"But my feelings never change a bit;
I always feel like shit,
I don't know why,
I guess that I just do.
You once talked to me about love,
And you painted pictures of
Never-never land.
And I could've gone to that place,
but I didn't understand,
I didn't understand..."

...So wrote indie rock troubadour Elliott Smith, for his 1998 epic tale of love and loss, "XO." The song acted as post-script to an album-length suicide letter to any one who would listen, and it's words and music are all too poignant today, as he was found dead of an apparent suicide at age 34.

Like most others, my first experience with Elliott was hearing his five tracks on the "Good Will Hunting" soundtrack in 1997-- four of those which appeared on his fantastic 1997 album "Either/Or." His voice resonated; he sang with the passion of Dylan and Lennon before him, poetically crafting grandoise pop songs in the meantime.

It was around this time, my junior and senior years at Michigan State, in which I became fascinated with him; realizing he, like myself at the time, was a lost soul, seeking solace and therapy through his music. It was with "XO" in which he achieved this. Written after a "suicide" attempt (he jumped off a cliff, but claimed he wasn't trying to die), the album depicts the high and lows of the obvious depression the man was going through. It would not have shocked me, or any fan for that matter, if he had passed upon it's release. However, upon the arrival of his 2000 release "Figure 8," it seemed as though Elliott had come full circle; or, in essence, with his roller-coaster life, a figure eight, as his now-last album suggests. He seemed happier, brighter. And while he, at times, appeared down like before, he never seemed more alive.

I guess it's somewhat fitting that I recently repurchased copies of "Either/Or" and "XO," scratched after multiple listens, and dug out "Figure 8" again, realizing their importance in music, and most especially my life. I had even recently phoned a friend upon hearing "Easy Way Out," screaming into his voicemail:

"Elliott Smith is the greatest living American songwriter."

Maybe I jinxed you, Mr. Smith, but I guess you always were. You will be dearly missed.

XO,
Mom.

"a Fendi bag and a bad attitude"

"That's all I need to get me in a good mood." — LL Cool J (from his hit song, "Around The Way Girl"). perhaps with the recent announcement that Fendi is moving into the sunglass market, LL should consider adding a verse to this song! last time I checked, "tight asses" would flow nicely with "sunglasses." you want a hit? give him an hour and a pen and a pad!

on a day as sad as this, it's good to have some good news flying into the pop culture radar. David Lynch is attempting to raise $1 billion to build Transcendental Meditation meccas in 3,000 of the world's largest cities. hopefully at least one of them will feature a stark naked Audrey Horne.

"Kid Notorious" premieres tonight on Comedy Central. anything that Robert Evans is involved in, I'm there. including "Sliver"!

for those of you who missed the wedding of The Real Deal Dave Beal, check out the photos that Dirty McKean shot. hott.

Slate is hyping "the return" of their Summary Judgement column. "the return"? as far as I know, I'm probably the only one who missed it in the first place! the column lasted a very short time after Emily Nussbaum took off for The NYT under some dude I vaguely remember as having the name Marshall, but I also recall it had lost all buzz. Quite honestly, I hope this column is an indication of first time jitters, because frankly it blows. Nussbaum had personality and gusto, not to mention the fact that she wasn't above placing a comment from a blogger next to a review by Michiko. let's face facts (and hope that someone from Slate is reading this) ... who better than your Uncle Grambo to write a column like this? you know how to get in touch with me.

curious. why would The Chicago Tribune print a story claiming that their "RedEye" tabloid is cannibalizing their own sales? seems like someone with influence in the paper is trying to usurp some tabloid buzz ... strange things are afoot at the Circle K, my friend. link via Romenesko.

hey Metro Times writer Brian Smith, guess what? YOU TALK WAY TOO MUCH! link courtesy of our good friend Big Matt over at Motorcityrocks.com.

worst

lifted straight from NME...

ELLIOTT SMITH 1969-2003

Singer-songwriter ELLIOTT SMITH has died, according to reports.

Fan websites and various radio stations claim that the singer passed away yesterday (October 21) at the age of 34. The official cause of death is currently unclear.

Born in 1969, Smith loved music from an early age. He released five albums, the most critically acclaimed in the mid-90s, titled ’Either / Or’ and ’XO’.

His most mainstream success however came when his song ’Miss Misery’ from the film Good Will Hunting’ was nominated for an Academy Award in 1997.

At the time of his death Smith was working on a new album, which had a working title of ’From A Basement On the Hill’, which was set for completion later this year.

A UK spokesperson for the singer is currently unable to confirm the reports. This story will be updated as more details emerge.

polar opposites

at one end of the spectrum, you've got Angelina Jolie. sure, she's certifiably crazy con carne, but has she ever looked better? at the other end you've got Bjork ... I've been a huge fan of hers ever since the first time I caught the "Human Behaviour" video and even endlessly defended her when she broke out with the infamous swan dress, but this look is just plain kooky. i mean there's kooky, then there's your "normal" Bjork kooky, but it appears that she's hurtled into the Cuckoo For Cocoa Puffs stratosphere with this outfit. wtf?

explosivo!

"With pitchfork and shovel, Tenacious D has labored to finally unearth the first ever Tenacious D-VD from the fragrant bowels of Hades. For years, this turd has been spit-polished, massaged, and finally sanctified by both Jables and KG, and they are now ready release it to the world."

first things first

you are SO busted! A Michigan judge has put out a warrant for the immediate arrest of Kim Mathers after she failed to show up for court today on felony coke charges. apparently additional charges were added after drugs were found at a recent hotel party that Kim threw. welcome to the slammer, sista!

one of Michigan's most famous landmarks is up for sale on eBay. if you've ever driven down I-94 from Metro Airport to Detroit, you couldn't help but see the world's largest tire. well now you can bid on the nail that was sticking out of said tire. detroit motor city hottness revealed by GKVibe.

"Joey Mills 2" has no buzz. the ratings for Fox's highly anticipated Monday night of "JM2" and "Skin" flopped in a major way last night, drawing less than 7 million viewers each. while the show prominently featured some smokin' white girl Euro hotties, the new Joey Mills doesn't have an eighth of the charisma as Evan Marriott. the only question now is how long will Fox wait to cancel both of these shows?

speaking of television, I couldn't believe my eyes yesterday when I spotted not one but TWO bloggers on VH-1! i stopped home for a quick bite to eat yesterday when I happened to catch Elizabeth "Don't Call Me Lizzie" Spiers on a show entitled "40 Greatest Celebrity Feuds" and then last night I spotted Ultragrrrl on "True Spin"! so much buzz! in the battle of which blogger is cuter, the award clearly goes to Ultra (by a landslide, if truth be told). the real question is this ... when is Stereogum gonna call up Uncle Grambo for some pop culture commentary? c'mon, hook a brotha UP!

in additional late breaking VH-1 news, the network has acquired Michael Ian Black. “With the addition of Mr. Black to the stable of Viacom properties, we anticipate an unparalleled opportunity,” said Viacom Chairman and Chief Executive Officer Sumner Redstone. “In fact, if there’s a more studied master of American popular culture over the last 30 years, I haven’t met him.” (this GENIUS article was discovered on Yankee Pot Roast)

is that a penis on your arm or are you just happy to see me? disgusting buzz courtesy of Method One.

it's official. Of the two Olsen Twins, Mary Kate is the cute one (via Old Hag).

WAY better than The Star Wars Kid (via Knuffer).

bynes buzz

sorry for the lack of PHC today kidz, I was out of the office at a conference and had no access to a 'puter. fortunately for you (and me), my West Coast sources informed me that Amanda Bynes attended the premiere of "Scary Movie 3" last nizz. if I'm not mistaken, this is her first public appearance in quite some time ... glad to see her back out basking in the spotlight! obvs. everybody needs a little Bynes love from time to time (pics courtesy of AmandaBynes.cc).

mega post

okay, today is going to be one of those days where I won't come up for air until much, much later this evening. work seems to be on a collision course with Bee Eye Itch status today, so fill your sexy bods with as much PHC as you can stand. here goes.

first, I would like to take a few moments to congratulate the indominatable Zulkey on her upcoming book. it's being printed by So New Media, who you'll likely recall as being the publisher of Neal Pollack's "Behind The Axis Of Evil". Claire's book is called "Girls Girls Girls" and you can pre-order it here. buzztastic.

ever since the Los Angeles Times started restricting their online content to paying subscribers, I haven't been keeping up with what's going on out on the Left Coast as much as I used to. apparently the big buzz out there these days is that all of the LA Film Critics are in SUCH a hubbub over the fact that the movie studios are banning DVD screeners in this year's Oscar race that they are going to cancel their annual awards presentation. what's really sad about this "stand" is that there is about one tenth of one tenth of one percent of people in this country who even understand what the LA Film Critics represent, let alone those who actually CARE that they're protesting this. let's face facts, the only reason this story is getting ANY ink whatsoever is that the media is pissed that the studios are cutting back on schwag that the critics feel they're entitled to. until about a year or two ago, DVD screeners didn't even exist! but the MPAA isn't without fault here; their argument is that these DVDs are going to increase digital piracy of their films, but if that's truly the case, why not just send out VHS screeners instead? it's this man's op that both sides are equally at fault in this stand-off, can't we all just get along?

but what I really wanted to talk about before I got sidetracked on the whole screener ban is the fact that there's a new Left Coast blog that you should take the time to check out. you see, while blogs are quickly becoming an established form of media on the East Coast, blogs are just starting to catch on out West. you see, West Coast Bloggers have been surfing the East Coast and Midwestern blogs for inspiration and are now eager to jump in the fray. which is why you should check out The Blueprint (as edited by the FOW known as Foxy Jess). she's a California transplant, having grown up here in The Motor City in the town that Uncle Grambo himself now calls home. give her some click-throughs and I'm sure that you'll be adding The Blueprint to your bookmarks in no time whatsoevs. Obvs.

are the mutha fuckas ready for the fatha fuckas? The NYT spends "A Night Out With Peaches" ... featuring a guest appearance by Princess Superstar! also in The Times, Chuck Klosterman talks to The Streets. I'm sure TMFTML is going to have some choice commentary on this piece.

more good news for "BTVS" fans. it looks like Spike and Harmony will put in multiple guest appearances on this season of "Angel", and rumours are swirling that Willow, Dru and even The Buffster will also pop in from time to time! and fans of Faith (aka Dushku) will find this preview of "Tru Calling" totally 5 x 5. but I'd also like to use this post to directly address the hott young thang who goes by the name of Michelle Trachtenberg (Dawn on "BTVS"): you are SO very hott, but shmears, ditch the granny lipstick! thank you, that is all.

the last stand of TiVo? "This is a dying product," at least according to Aditya Kishore, an analyst for a Boston based technology consulting research firm. Cable operators like Comcast realized they snoozed on this trend and are investing HUGE capital to build DVR capabilities into set-top cable boxes ... like PRONTO! Kishore adds that "This is the last Christmas for the stand-alone TiVo box, or any stand-alone DVR box. By next year, the DVR functionality will be widely available in a wide range of other devices, including the set-top boxes."

guiney

nope, I'm not talking about Bachelor Bob! i'm talkin' bout these exclusive photos of Keira Knightley as Guinevere in the upcoming "King Arthur" movie (currently aiming for a Christmas 2K4 release date). Knightley ... seldom talked about since July, yet still extremely foxxxy. Someone get Lorne on the phone, your Uncle Grambo thinks that KK would be the perf SNL guest host! unless Bynes is available, that is ... Bynes. Knightley. so many decisions!

snl season 29 ... REVEALED!

yes indeed, last night's Berry / Spears SNL was positively putrifying. Brit Brit's perf of "Me Against The Music" was side splittingly durst, as she lip synched to what is likely the most tired attempt of a first single that I've heard in years. to paraphrase the Black Eyed Peas, "WHERE IS THE HOOK?" and if you make the artistic decision to focus your energy on dancing instead of singing, I can (begrudgingly) go with that. fine. just don't insult the intelligence of the audience by pretending that you're *really* singing only to have Madge's guest vox piped in over the speakers. and as much as I despised this perf, don't EVEN get me started on Halle Berry. least deserving Oscar winner EVER! yes, even lower on the Strasberg food chain than Marisa Tomei. SO worst.

but the real question is how will whatevs.org's resident SNL experts, Nummer and H-Bomb score the episode? i'm afraid you'll have to wait for that review, but in the interim, please enjoy the freshly coded reviews for Episode 1 and Episode 2!

EPISODE 1: Hosted by Jack Black with musical guest John Mayer (10/04/03)