Drum roll plizz....

And the new patron saint of Glamorama is....

This chick!

Linky Linkovich gets crabby

Napster's back! And you have to pay for it! And you don't care cause it is the same price as I-Tunes which you also don't care much about!

Paris Hilton continues to self promote by trying to stop her home made porn from reaching the streets in court.
Apparently, she is unconscious through most of the tape as her boyfriend Nick Solomon has his way with her.
Even Kobe Bryant said "dude that's sick!! And I'm named after a steak!!!"

In closing don't miss Paris Hilton this December on Fox.

Coldplay throws out 4 albums of material. Ohhhhh!!! You guys must be really self-critical and smart and don't want to waste your true fans time with sub-par material. Whatevs, if I don't get your new album in the next six months, yer done! And live albums don't count you skinny little limey bastards!

Ryan Adams has plaque or something. I guess he should floss more.

IS BRITNEY'S COMEBACK STILL IN THE ZONE!?!?

Beyond that, how could her comeback be out of the "zone" when she never left the "zone" to begin with? Has her attempt to initiate an unneeded comeback actually had the result of making her less of a star because it is offering an opportunity to be critically panned and fail (apart from acting of course)?

snl season 29 ... REVEALED!!!

Nummer and H-Bomb bring you the review of Ripa / OutKast episode as well as a preview of this weekend's Alec Baldwin extravaganza. here's hoping for a 2003 version of "The Mimic"!

Eddie takes matters into his own hands, Larry Hagman excited and Avril sets up to fail

Pearl Jam has decided to make their next single available 'exclusively' on their website beginning Monday. While no Veder penned single has had much buzz or airplay in the last several years, it's worth taking note of an established band pursuing a release without a record company. The song in question, Man of the Hour, will also appear in the upcoming Tim Burton, Ewan McGregor film Big Fish and would presumably also be available on the film's soundtrack, if one was to actually buy and then listen to said recording.

Jessica Simpson to star in remake film of I Dream of Jeanie, but given the nubile, young chanteuse's towering intellect, she may very well have signed up for a remake of the porn classic, I Dream of Weenie.

Need a good laugh?

A light afternoon snack of Links

Where did you get that Chocolate Starfish CD?

ANSWER ME DAMNIT!!!

FROM YOU DAD, I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU!!!!

[stunned silence] NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Teen Admits Parents Were Right About Fred Durst
CHICAGO--17-year-old Jeremy Kempf reluctantly acknowledged that parents Judith and Harvey were right about Limp Bizkit lead singer Fred Durst Tuesday. "I used to crank 'Nookie' full blast, and my parents would say that Fred Durst was an obnoxious loudmouth and Limp Bizkit sucked," Kempf said. "Then I got Results May Vary, and I was like, 'Oh, shit. This does suck.'" Kempf also admitted that his parents may have had valid points about the taste of Mountain Dew and his friend Tony's neck tattoo.
from The Onion via Kegs

Also check out the Onion for the Spence Abraham porn scandal details. From Peabs obvs!

The New York Times writes about lingerie companies using sex to sell product... have you thong mongers no shame? link via JP McKrengels

More Like Metro-Materialist

In a related story, Madonna shot by Detroit Med Student

Madge's new book details her fruit fueled affair with Peabs.
Insert Badly Drawn Boy quote here.

Grambo just ran out for some mini thins

Is it just me or has Grambo been posting like a pop diva who slammed 8 Red Bulls?

It's been a serious explosion of piping hot content these last couple of days and I'm going to be hard pressed to keep up with the pace, but Grambo will return soon enough from his speed fueled topless shoot and return things to their regular state.

In the mean time I've had to downgrade the PHC level two levels from schmeriously tigs to obvs (by passing plain tigs all together).

I can only promise that during my short tenure we will come no where close to PHC level durst that the FOW nation experienced a few weeks ago when Grambo had to do work at his job.

and hollywood fears internet piracy?

get the eff outta town. makes 50 Cent look like Guided By Voices. "Finding Nemo" has sold an impressive 8 million DVDs since its release. oh wait, check that. that's actually 8 million units sold in its first day of release! like, 8 million units sold YESTERDAY! pure hottness.

it's a crappy screenshot from "Entertainment Tonight" but so what. you heard it here first. Jessica Simpson will be on the next cover of Rolling Stone.

unlike Bob Seger and Vernor's, I hardly know anyone who grew up in these parts and fondly recalls the magic and mystery that is Gordon Lightfoot's "The Wreck Of Edmund Fitzgerald." well after you read Makotomeme's article in this week's Metro Times, I guaran-damn-tee you that you'll change your mind. what a hott track.

"Skin", we hardly knew ye. but in times like this it's important that you remember the following: even though our time together was short, we quickly came to the realization that you blow. but hey, look at the bright side! both "Coupling" and "Luis" (Guzman has no buzz w/out Soderbergh) bit the dust before you! and, from the looks of it, "Joey Mills 2" isn't far behind! buck up, lil camper!

ah yes. The Onion. always good for a laugh and this bit is no exception. it's in the vein of Dilbert and "Office Space", so if you work in a corporate environment (esp. w/all the cost-cutting these days), you'll really appreciate "There Are Going To Be Some Pointless Changes Around The Office." word up to Malbers for fwd'ing along.

straight up gully! "Donnie Darko: The Director's Cut" ... as much as I love Richard Kelly and "Donnie D" (#7 in 2002), I think that our boy is smokin' some crack rock if he thinks that he's gonna get another theatrical release out of this movie. maybe as a midnight show here and there, but it's time to get reals. Holla atcha Nick Catchdubs, that's some straight up jawsome linkage.

love it, hate it. love it, hate it. there seems to be a great deal of confusion in the air as to whether "Love Actually" is any good. the most recent to weigh in on the matter is the delectable Cinecultist, who admits that she went into the film "wanting to hate it, thus breaking our long standing unadulterated fascination with the (romantic comedy) genre." but instead, the film made Cinecultist "want to run from the theater, shouting 'love is in the air!' and snog the first unsuspecting male speciman we saw on the street." note to self: stand outside theater on opening night and pray for one such occurence that to happen repeatedly. "Love Actually" opens this weekend.

instead of delivering commentary on "Average Joe" that extends further than stating the obvious (namely that Melana is a hottie), I will instead refer you to both The Blueprint's self-described "hard-hitting" review and Cup Of Chicha's alarmingly well-constructed diagnosis ("So Low Brow It Looks Like Pubic Hair"). Foxy Jess chooses to both sympa AND empathize with the male cast members (it turns out that one is a "friendly acquaintance") while also earning her Encyclopedia Brown stripes by sleuthing to discover the show's disclaimer that "This show has been edited. producers may have consulted with contestants to alter outcomes"; on the other hand, Nathalie picks apart the show and its characters with razor-like precision (quoting Oscar Wilde, PERFECTLY nailing T.Q. as someone who "dehumanizes women by romanticizing them,", calling out Melana for having poor grammar, etc.). howevs, I will inform you that the show's ratings kicked ass and that your Uncle Grambo is officially hooked.

howevs, I do feel compelled to comment on last night's episode of "Rich Girls." your Uncle Grambo took a lot of shit with his defense of Ally Hilfy last week, so I hope that all y'all playa haters come correct and admit that you was WRONG, yo. okay, so maybe Jaime is a little dramatic, but how many teenage girls aren't? Jaime is hurt because the skeezy guy she has a crush on is totally hittin' it with some other girl. in my book, those are justifiable grounds for being upset. it's called a crush for a reason, yo (clichéd, yet trizz). and yes, now that we're older we can realize that her "geniune and kind" friend Ari would certainly make a much better BF, but that skeezer Michael V. has got the whole James Spader "Pretty In Pink" rich bad boy thing working in his favor. which won wins with 17 year old girls? Spader, natch (although this Spader wanna-be is a major pussbag; he cried b/c Ally was gonna send him home on a bus). so what does Ally do to comfort her best-friend? she sits down and has a stern talking to with this DB, then she charters a private plane down to the West Indies so the girls can go and relax on the beach (that Ally bikini buzz was best). wouldn't you do that for your friends if you could? if by chance you DO have the means for such luxurious trips, please keep in touch.

so what I'm trying to say here is that 1) the show is entertaining and 2) don't hate the playa, hate the game. yes indeedely doodly, Ally and Jamie lead ridiculously privileged lives. and not just b/c their rich, mind you. they both have loving families (how classic was it when JG's aunt called Spader a "putz" and told him to watch out for dark alleyways?!?) and a really strong friendship. where I come from, these are the kinds of traits that you look for in compelling (read: watchable) characters. and this is the main rizz that "Rich Girls" is so appealing to me. Tuesdays at 10:30pm EST. Obvs.

let's make a deal

ok, so 2003 US Open champ Andy Roddick has got his PR Team working overtime these days pitching a proposed reality show¹ (a fair number of the blogs I've read seem to have skipped the article entirely and assumed that the show was already a go). b/c i like Roddick (any friend of McEnroe's is a friend of mine), I'm going to offer up this helpful hint to get his show on the air ... REVEAL AS MUCH MANDY MOORE CLEAVAGE AS POSS! holy shatts, check out those boombalatts! is that some Dr. Christian Troy Implant Buzz or is that just a very flattering bra? and Andy, while you're at it, tell your GF to lighten up. she's been quoted as saying that she "felt so old" at the famed Vanity Fair cover shoot from earlier this year and also whined that "I did not dress like that when I was 16!" note to Mandy Mizz: you're only 19, hon. just because you released an album with some Joni Mitchell cover songs doesn't mean that you've all of a sudden blossomed into a world weary sage or guardian of this nation's youth. for reals, yo.

i feel the pain of everyone, then i feel nothing

ok, i figure the only way to get through my pain is ... HOLY FUCKING SHITBOX, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MENA FUCKIN' SEVARI? it's like she's been possessed by the ravenous spirit of the haircut Traci Lords wore in "Cry-Baby"! that's one skanky bizznitch, yo!

whew, sorry about that. as I was saying before, the only way to fight through my loss is by posting like a madman. either that or with some hardcore drugs. too bad I can't score any from Courtney Hole ... this model citizen of virtue and all-around teetotaler is quoted in next week's US Weekly as saying "I do not take street narcotics." bitch PLEASE! De Nile ain't just a rivs in Egypt, hun.

the streets can't wait (again)! Jay-Z moves up the release date of his final album to Black Friday, 11/14/03. let's hope that this record focuses on his Gifts and not his Curses. holla!

The Strokes make their (mostly disappointing) entrance on the Billboard album charts at #4, moving 126K units against some weak competition (OutKast, Rod Stizz). if you'll recall, The White Stripes release of "Elephant" moved 125K units when it was released in early April, good for a #6 debut against stiffer competition like Linkin Park and 50 Cent. so what went wrong?* I blame the lackluster video, a kinda-sorta-not-so-much homage to "Tron", which appears to have been a "Fuck it, let's get paid" exercise for all involved (especially Julian and director Roman Coppola). I've seen the Liz Phair video for "Why Can't I?" on MTV more in the last five days (3x) than I've seen "12:51" over the last month on either MTV or MTV2 (1x). this is not to say that The Strokes have slipped from their "Better Than The Beatles" pedestal, 'cuz they haven't. Your Uncle Grambo couldn't stop listening to the record if he tried. I'm just saying that the marketing geeks over at RCA really blew their shot at a #1 Debut for this band (OutKast only sold like 16K more copies) and, consequently, all of the resulting ink that would have followed. You know, stories about "the resurgence of rock" and the like that may very well have filtered out of music specific pubs and into places like "Time" and "Newsweek." in other words, making good on all the hype they generated during the Garage Rock Wave of 2002. thanks to Big Matt for the link to the Billboard article.

both of whatevs.org's resident SNL experts are extremely swamped with work these days, so their reviews of last weekend's atrocity won't be coming through for a few more days. in the meantime, it's worth noting that Al Sharpton will be hosting an upcoming episode.

Chris Martin declares that Jay-Z is "cool"! X-Tina and Pink are feuding! Joe Torre has seen "Hairspray" three times! Despite the utter lameosity of these last three links, believe me when I say that they're way more useful than this dungpile of an article. wait a minute now ... people actually get PAID to rehash the feud between Eminem and Moby? that shit lasted five minutes and happened well over a year ago! hold on, news flash from the NY Daily News ... Ja Rule and 50 Cent have a beef! shut the FUCK up! Sammy Hagar doesn't like David Lee Roth? get the eff outta Dodge. for reals? shatts. maybe I need to move to The Big City after all.

on a semi-related note (only this time I'm going to offer words of praise), whatevs.org would like to inform the good people of Los Angeles that you're gonna LOVE Carina Chocano as the LA Times TV Reporter. i've been following Carina's work for years and years, ever since her halcyon days at Salon as a TV Critic in the mid to late `90s, around the time when I first started watching TV with a more "critical" eye and began digging on "BtVS" and "Felicity." as her profile grew, she moved onto Entertainment Weekly, where she dishes on a variety of topics in her trademark elegant / intelligent / humourous manner. now she's been named to this prestigious post at the Los Angeles Times (when you're talking about entertainment, THIS is the Paper Of Record), so congrats and props must be thrown. but, if you believe LA Weekly's Nikki Finke**, as many as six other writers turned down this gig before Chocano accepted. i highly respect Finke so I don't think that there's any personal grudge or bias there (although Finke does wonder aloud if Chocano has the necessary reporting skills for the job). either way, I think the people of LA should consider themselves fortunate (and EW subscribers should cry a few solitary tears). hell, here in D-Town, we've been stuck with Mike Duffy ever since the early 80s and The News doesn't even EMPLOY a television writer.

woe is me

"I gave my heart and soul to you, girl
Didn't I do it baby.... didn't I do it baby?

Gave you the love you never knew, girl
Didn't I do it baby... didn't I do it baby?

I've tried so many times and that's no lie
It seems to make you laugh each time I cry

Didn't I blow your mind this time, didn't I, oh
Didn't I blow your mind this time, didn't I?"

84 topps revealed

bye bye Zim, hello Donnie Baseball. The Yanks hire Don Mattingly to be their hitting coach. "Why is this whatevs.org worthy?", you ask. Answer: #23 is The Grizz's favourite baseball player evs. Obvs.

let's hope that Damore's VCR doesn't break down in the next few weeks. last week's premiere episode of "Tru Calling" got positively ho'd on the first night of November sweeps. Tru Dushku finished with a fifth place finish in households (3.2 rating / 5 share) and viewers (4.88 mills), but managed to scare up slightly better results with teens (2.7 / 9). but in the almighty 18-49 age bracket, it scored fourth place and a 5 share. no TRP buzz.

she was once the apple of Kegzies' eye, but now Paris Hilton is just another Pammie Anderson, sans the world-class rack. get your broadband on and start looking for the Paris Hilton porno (in which she stars with Shannen Doherty's ex-husband). now we know for sure why Brenda decked Paris last spring. thanks to Beat Royalty for providing.

summer of 69 indeed! Bryan Adams banged Princess Di. best.

first she's thin, then she's fat, then she's thin, now she's fat again. Ginger Spice ... packin' on the pounds. or should i say "stones"? and what the eff is that on her right thigh? take me back to dear ole blightly, luv!

mmmm, tomacco. courtesy of this century's comic genius par excellence, Mr. JP McKrengels.

let's see, they cancel a mini-series about The Reagans but they're gonna air a concert special from a child molester? the tiffany network has no buzz.

i think the clock is s-l-o-w

apologies for the slow-performance of whatevs.org over the past 24 hours or so. the backBlog server is having issues and, unfortch, this site has been affected. no buzz.

bizarre headline of the day ... or is it? Ass Milk Turns Women Into Wild Sex Kittens. Weekly World News revealed. who knew?

M. Hudson Hawk puts his keen reporter skills to good use with this feature on the automotive industry's strategies brand building with children. if I had children and was in the market for a new vehicle, I can't envision any scenarios in which my imaginary children wouldn't be clamoring for the new Mitshubishi Endeavor based solely on their "Spongebob Squarepants" buzz.

David Lynch's "Lost Highway" is being transformed into an opera (via the good graces of TMFTML).

E! Networks have eliminated 10 positions from their "news" department, in addition to trimming "E! News Live" down from an hour to 30 minutes. The Hollywood Reporter's Andrew Wallenstein manages to cover all of the five W's in his article but, in this blogger's opinion, really fails to capture the essence of "Why". yeah, ratings have dropped, but "Why"? i got your answer ... VH-1. is there any station out there these days with more buzz than VH-1? they crank out a new special seemingly every day and guess what? they're all effin' tigs! they took the formula pioneered by E! oh so many years ago (pick a subject and have those "in the know" discuss) and vastly improved upon it, so much so that I'm not even sure that the station shows videos anymore (with the exception of mornings). VH-1 ... so best.

back from a day of "technical difficulties", The Old Hag dazzled this reader with the self-professed "rhyming tetrameter" of "Love Actually sucks. Actually." now I don't know who to believe!

Stereogum has posted some hott pics from yesterday's Tenacious D press conference.

the revolution will be televised

"Matrix Revolutions" ... opens on Friday and I haven't heard anyone talking about it! shmears. is it possible that "Elf" might top the third installment of "The Matrix" series at the B.O. this wknd? not if Bynes has anything to do with it. she showed at last Thursday's premiere in Hollywood and, to the surprise of no one, looked postively amaze. obvs.

now you're talkin' double team supreme!

all kindsa Amazon.com Holiday A-List love from Jack Black! complete with a poem!

the road to nowhere

the only question now is what's going to come first, the trip to rehab or the Playboy spread? Britney cancels appearance on MTV Europe Awards due to "illness."

we all know that porn stars sell magazines and DVDs, but who knew that they were now mainstream enough to sell newspapers? this is the only possible reason I can think of that Jenna Jameson appears on Page Six this morning with a quote from a three week old issue of Entertainment Weekly. or am I missing something?

did anyone else catch that conversation between Ja Rule and Louis Farrakhan on MTV last night? Farrakhan is offering to step in and settle the beef between Ja and 50 Cent before it turns into another Biggie / 2Pac sitch, and believe it or not, The Wrath Of Farrakhan had both Ja Rule and your Uncle Grambo mesmerized. on a related hip-hop note, I spotted Jay-Z sporting a Von Dutch trucker hat during an interview with Sway on "The Wrap" ... wtf?

i think the nation is hungering for a Filarski resurgence right about now. you'll remember Miss Elizabeth Filarski (now Miss Elizabeth Hasselback due to her marriage to the Seattle Seahawks QB, but that's neither here nor there) as the deliciously hott "Survivor Season Two" cast member, and she's a finalist for the next co-host of "The View" (along with Rachel from "RW:SF").

I can think of better things to do with my time.

priceless. The interim police chief for the city of Detroit has got "Bully" in her name (and "Cummings", heh heh).

Ultragrrrl is blowing up on the airwaves over at VH-1 these days. she had about a billion quotes on "Hot Babes, Ugly Guys" last nizz. congrats, kid!

The New York Times declares "The Human Stain" a flop after just week at the box office and spends 1,000 words detailing why. i could name that reason in five words: "Anthony Hopkins has no buzz." for REALS, check out the guy's track record. outside of his Hannibal Lecter roles, he's arguably anchored more deadweight flops than any other "major" actor outside of Alec Baldwin. check it:

• "Bad Company" — Effectively killed Chris Rock as an action film star and is probably the lowest performing Jerry Bruckheimer movie evs.

• "Hearts In Atlantis" — I don't know a single solitary soul who rented this movie, let alone saw it in the theater

• "Instinct" — Mired Cuba Gooding Sr. in a hole he has yet to escape.

• "Meet Joe Black" — Probably the worst film of the `90s.

• "Amistad" — This film had Oscar buzz all over it, but the curse of Anthony Hopkins wrecked all chances of escaping with the little gold guy

• "The Edge" — Anthony + Alec = Box Office Poison

this just in

The Globe & Mail declares Chloë Sevigny to be an "It Girl". oh those crazy trendsetting Canadians, what WILL they think of next?

"With its self-referential irony, its preference for tics and eccentricities over flesh-and-blood characterisation, and its escalating structure of competing climaxes, 'Love Actually' is the 'Kill Bill' of romantic comedies." if that indeed is the case, i'm even more geeked for "Love Actually" than I am for "Master & Commander"! link courtesy of MCN.

sometimes i sit back and wonder what it would be like to dwell in a Big City, especially on dark, gray days like this. it's easy to imagine that even a relatively dull corporate-type job would be endlessly better in a place like NYC, what, with all the parties and social life and such. but then I read articles about Fashion Girls of New York City, a book club made up exclusively by and for hott girls in the fashion industry. while an ole English major like myself finds it easy to romanticize the notion that places exist on this planet where people actually READ books, the thought of a bunch of spoiled fashionistas getting together to read Jonathan Safran Phony makes me gag. and for reals, just LOOK at them! yeah they're hott, but I can barely even begin to comprehend what it's like to sit down in a room with such an overwhelming amount of ego and attitude. zero buzz.

Top 100 DJs. a pretty good list that can rightly be criticized for being heavy on the trance, but where's Z-Trip and Kevin Saunderson? link via Coolfer.

whoever the production team is that's behind "Average Joe" have done an excellent job working with NBC to build some solid pre-show buzz. from the looks of it, it looks to successfully build on the premise of "Mr. Personality" (does "what's inside" truly outweigh "what's outside"?) without resorting to those creepy S&M zippo masks. And if you believe The Post, the star of the show almost quit when the band of slobbaritos was initially revealed to her. all this being said, your Uncle Grambo is VERY wary of a non-MTV reality show that's airing at 10pm. that particular time slot has never had buzz (think "Celebrity Mole: Hawaii", "Meet My Folks", "The Dating Experiment,"etc.) ... is NBC hedging their bets? tune in tonight at 10pm to see.

selected tailgate highlights

an album that reveals the full day of drunken disorderly behaviour will be revealed in the not too distant future. until then, please whet your appetizz with these displays of photogenic hottness. obvs.

Uncle Grambo and Coach Glinka in a rare pre-game show of solidarity amongst rivals

Jillycakes displays her Fist Of Fury

From Left 2 Rizz: Dr. Em Medicine Woman, Peabs, Jillycakes, Coach Glinka, Seantizz, JP McKrengels, E-Dubz, Damore

EVERYBODY loves white girls, especially hott Spartys!

re-rehab

dude, rehab is one hott place to be these days. in the past three days, Scott Weiland and rich girl Nicole Richie both headed off for some detoxification buzz. while the whole Weiland angle is pretty played out in the media (repeat offenders / full blown drug addicts are far more sad than interesting), but Nicole is already media savvy enough to understand that any publicity is good publicity. before being shipped off to Promises, she managed to sneak in some topless fashion show hottness (btw, not really SFW). howevs, i'm not so sure I likes what I see. quite honestly, while the nipple ring isn't really a positive or a negative, the fully blown out on Horse look is a definite detractor.

speaking of celebs as media manipulators, i think that few would argue about the prowess of Diddy in this arena. but it's honestly refreshing to see a celeb like Didds use these powers for good and not evil (think Colin Farrell). i'm specifically referencing this weekend's New York City Marathon and the fact that P. Diddy completed it in a little over four hours, in the process raising $2MM for children's charities. huge, HUGE props to Sean Combs.

"Fo shizzle my nizzle, you the dizzle / You feel me sizzle" ... Missy Elliott raps about vibrators on her upcoming album. I can't think of anything more unnecessary. like EVER. durst.

Obvs! all creds go to Peabs for submitting the latest buzz term du jour to the Urban Dictionary.

news flash from the New York Times ... People are now watching college football in bars! get OUT! what will those crazy, trendsetting New Yorkers come up with next? stay tuned!

apropos of nothing, doesn't Tommy Lee have anything better to do than hangout with Nick Carter (as evidenced on last night's "Punk'd")? shmears. did you see how awk their conversation was? how did these two become friends? not that Tommy Lee is exactly buzzariff in my book, but last night he lost any cred points he had recently earned with me.

hail to the victors

University of Michigan 27, Michigan State 20. it was a valiant comeback effort for the Spartys, it really was. but in the end, the dominance of Chris Perry (51 carries for 219 yards) and the rest of the Wolverine Squad proved to be too much for the Green & Whizz. Michigan once again proved why many were touting the team as a National Championship contender back in early September; if not for some horrible special team blunders in losses to Oregon and Iowa (combined margin of victory in those two losses? seven points), we'd all be talking Michigan / Oklahoma buzz right now. but the good news is that the boys in Maize & Blue control their destiny and will go to the Rose Bowl with victories against Northwestern and Ohio State. buzz.