obvs in `04

miracles CAN happen! after a slow start in Iowa and New Hampshire, the Peabs campaign picked up an unbelievable amount of steam today. until now, his cracked-out PR staff had only been able to score campaign coverage in a blog here and a blog there. but as anyone who knows him personally will attest, Peabs is blessed with not only a ginormous D but also an undeniable charismatic streak. both surely played a part in his landing this exclusive interview with CNN's Lou Dobbs ... watch yo' back, Kerry! you just dropped the soap in the shower, boss, and Peabs is gonna jazz all over yo' mizz!

OBVS IN `04!!!

you're the meaning in my life, you're the inspiration

well fuck me in the goat ass. i've been putting together this bad ass strategic marketing presentation for about two weeks and i just got done pitching it up to the Big Boys. while the prezzie went well, now I've got an assload of work to do to make it all happen. i'm mentally and physically drained, both from last night's volleyball match (we got crushed) and from waking up at 4am this morning to put the finishing touches on my Powerpoint hottness (i was a bit too buzzed to finish it off last nizz). and you know what's going to power me through the rest of my Friday meetings? yes indeed, that'd be Jen Chung's Rack. some say best ever.

if you didn't read the transcript of the now infamous Bill O'Reilly interview with Peabs, I suggest you take 17 aspirin and get to readin'. classic Peabs.

and as much as I love Peabs and Rob and Laura Coaxme and Motorcityrocks.com and all of the other Detroit based bloggers (including myself), all of our blogs blow when compared to Detroitblog. imagine The Fabulous Ruins Of Detroit, only better. the site's description pretty much relays how best not only the site is, but how best Detroit is:

"Welcome to the Detroit Blog. This isn't about Detroit as much as it's about my wanderings and debaucheries in Detroit. I love Detroit, the old Detroit of blight, waste and emptiness. Hockeytown. Motown. I grew up here, had my best times here. It's my town."

new Badly Drizz in April. shmears. [via The Blueprint]

buzz. Air. 4/18/04. Clutch Cargo's. but they're gonna be on the Coachella bill, right? c'mon, they just GOTTA be. speaking of which, Damore and I are going to be booking our trip this weekend. if you're interested in going, you know how to get in touch with us. it's gonna be a weekend filled with hott bands, hott weather, hott drugs and (most importantly) hott girls. so best. obvs.

everyone pour some of their 40s out this weekend for this dude. mad respect to the IBM programmer who invented "Control + Alt + Delete", who's retiring after 28 years on the job. FORTRAN revealed. buzz.

because I've got an ego only rivaled by the likes of Peabs, Low Culture's very excellent fan letter to Owen Wilson very much reminded me of my tribute to Eli Cash, written for the F.A.T. called "Out Of The Shadows." lotta hott contributions to that list, buzz.

Luke Wilson to star in "3001", the first directorial effort since "Office Space" for Mike Judge. not sure if this casting has buzz, Luke isn't really leading actor material in my eyes; howevs, your Uncle Grambo does find him Best in small doses. and while we're on the casting circuit, props out to Scott Writes for forwarding along the news that Scarlett Johansson has been cast in "The Black Dahlia", an adaptation of the famed Devil Dog Ellroy novel from director Brian DePalma. the flick is also set to star Josh "Kutcher Usurped All My Buzz" Hartnett and Marky Mark Wahlberg. schmobvs.

film geeks rejoice. Jeffrey Wells lines up 60 or so titles to look forward to during the first eight months of 2004.

"Monkeys, Monkeys, Ted and Alice" ... "carnal monkeys"

it's gone too far

no, REALLY, it's gone too far. Liz Phair, i beg of you, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE put a stop to your increasingly shameless bid for stardom. i can deal with your collaboration with The Matrix. i can deal with the Gap ads and even the underwear ads. i can deal with the bizarre Chicken Little analogies. i can deal with the misguided attempts at acting. hell, i'm even HAPPY to deal with the fact that I drove 250 miles and you played the same set-list three nights in a row. but seriously (and I ask only because I care), WTF were you even doing at Sundance in the first place, let ALONE posing for snaps with Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie? while I can certainly appreciate the fact that the patron saints of Glamorama and whatevs.org came together for (presumably) the first time, I'm having a hard time justifying the fact that a picture like this even exists. some say durst. please make it stop!

my ears are burning.

Emma Bunton has held the position as your Uncle Grambo's fave Spice Girl for quite a number of years. here's another reason she won't be losing that crown anytime soon! [via 3-Minute Rule]

oh Janelle, you speak the truth, girl. when it comes to foxy ladies on my television screen at 9pm on Wednesdays, I choose Meredith over Mischa, despite the outrageous proportions of her melon.

my assertions as to the buzzworthiness of "RW:SD" seem to be in line with the zeitgeist. drudge just revealed the following:

"MTV 'REAL WORLD' TOPS NEW HAMPSHIRE COVERAGE. CABLE AUDIENCE VOTES MUSIC CHANNEL'S REALITY STRIP OVER POLITICAL PRIMARY RESULTS. 'REAL' SCORES 4,624,000 VIEWERS, ACCORDING TO NIELSEN, OVER FOXNEWS CHANNEL 1,923,000 PEAK, CNN'S 1,784,000."

why am I not surprised that Detroit ain't gonna be ready for Super Bowl XL in 2006?

let's just hope this isn't the second coming of Juan Gonzalez.

LA Weekly's Nikki Finke unleashes the snark on this year's Academy Award nominees. according to the acerbic author, this year's Oscars "...will be a crushing bore. No suspense. No surprises. No Michael Moore. And with Joe Roth producing, expect lots of “Young Hollywood” stuff, which translates into crotch shots of Ashton Kutcher and acne close-ups of Hilary Duff." [via Movie City News]

HOLY FUCKING BREAKING BUZZ!!!

you first met the fresh-faced FOW known as Foxy Jess right here on the backblogs of whatevs.org. now, you know and love her for her continued excellence as the Editor of the marvelous Left Coast blog, The Blueprint. the name of this game is "catch a rising star", folks, as it appears that FJ is well on her way to becoming the next MATT DRUDGE!!! with just a smidgen of help from some Choire Gawker press, Miss Blueprint's big revelation that Bill Murray's Golden Globe acceptance speech WASN'T really a joke after all just got PICKED UP AS A LEAD STORY BY THE E! NEWS NETWORK!!!!

are you effing kidding me? just sit back for a moment and comprehend the hottness ... the "legitimate" press (it's only E!, after all) is now getting scoop from bloggers! i haven't heard or seen anything hotter since your Uncle Grambo's encounter with Lizzie Spiers in NYC a few weeks back! but for REALS, this is a major effing development and one helluva large feather to have in your cap!

broken record

today's going to be busy. not much time this AM to post.
today's going to be busy. not much time this AM to post.
today's going to be busy. not much time this AM to post.

bullet stizz. obvs.

• doesn't the media have better things to do? like, seriously. shouldn't someone be digging up an exclusive (complete with photos!) with one of G. Dubz' old coke buddies? and TMFTML, just for the record, we're down with the cause. solidarity, brotha! getting a paycheck on the first and fifteenth rules WAY more than blogging.

• the drummer from Supergrass prefers fatties at his 30th birthday party. 1974, baby!

• Slate poses the question whether or not "Along Came Polly" is a direct descendant of 1972's "The Heartbreak Kid." btw, while the former is skippable, the latter is a must-see. Charles Grodin buzz.

• more 1970s hottness. HGTV tours the house from Woody Allen's 1973 classic, "Sleeper." Colorado ... some say highly underrated. [via The Morning News]

• after last night's episode of "The Bachelorette", I agree with Coach. damn, that Meredith has got one enormous melon! and what's with Kelly Jo Kuharski coming back next week to grill the potential future Mr. Meredith? don't you get it Kuharski? YOU'VE GOT NO BUZZ! go back to G. Rap or K-Zoo or wherever you come from, a place where I'm sure those sans le buzz congregate like moths to a flame! the westside of Michigan ... some say worse than living in Wisconsin.

• what's going to be the hott drink to order at restaurants and bars this weekend? Jesus Juice, obvs. i prefer the 1999 Australian Shiraz, thank you very much.

• speaking of Jacko, R. Kells has been banned from hanging with The Gloved One during the upcoming Grammy Awards. so many molestation opps.

• Has Anna Pornikova dumped Enrique IglesiASS? Page Six spotted her bumpin' and grindin' with her former lover Pavel Bure. so much Sega Hockey `94 hottness. where's Mr. Canfield, Glushko and G of V when you need 'em?

• set your TiVos now! Nummer reveals Lindsay Lohan hottness on the April 3rd episode of SNL!

• Fametracker's famous "Hey, It's That Guy" profiles Judah Friedlander, who you might recognize from VH1's "Best Week Ever", Dave Matthews' "Everyday" video and "Wet Hot American Summer."

• mark your calendars, yo. The Darkness. Saint Andrew's Hall. March 28th. Buzz personified!

• Homer Simpson and Mastercard ... priceless.

• come on Detroiters, say it ain't so! The NY Post reports that Kid Rock and new squeeze Jaime Pressly had to "flee" a recent dinner at Lelli's when overzealous fans began to mob them. i thought this was America people! guilty until proven innocent! let's not get all razzo'd out, now. next thing you know, people will be rifling through your Uncle Grambo's garbage. durst.

i feel good!

er, uh, to be perfectly honest, I'm lying to you. quite boldly, in fact, and directly to your face. i don't feel good in the slightest. quite the opposite, yo. how would you feel if you got tossed in the pokey on domestic violence charges? look at me, i'm wearing a damn towel around my shoulders, how GOOD can i POSSIBLY be expected to feel? shiiiiit. for REAL, George Clinton looks like muthafukkin' Denzel Washington compared to me! YOW!

the 10 spot saved my life

after the abomination that was "Real World: Paris", I was thisclose to writing an impassioned letter to Bunim and Murray begging for the sweet, sweet release that would come with the euthanization of the entire "RW" series. thankfully I was lazy and never got around to sending that letter (let alone WRITING it!) because "Real World: San Diego" is quite possibly the best installment of the series since "RW: SF" ... and we're only like five episodes in!

this year's cast immediately trumps the milquetoast crew who inhabited last season's Parisian villa on cultural diversity alone. while you'll instantly recognize some of the Real World's "gotta have" stereotypes ("the frat guy", "the small town girl", "the black guy"), you quickly come to the realization that these peeps are considerably more complex than their "role" would suggest. in fact, this cast is a complete flip of last season's; while the only personality that stood out in Paris was CT, there is only one person on the San Diego cast that HASN'T stood out so far (Jamie, "the Asian chick"). this is a cast that seems to bred perfectly for hook-ups, drunken debauchery and conflict.

take, for instance, the events that occured last night ... the "Ally-Sheedy-Breakfast-Club type freaky girl" girl unsuccessfully tried to drunkenly hook with the "easygoing creative dreamer type" and not one but TWO of the cast members got arrested! in completely separate incidents, no less! and who could ever forget the hilarious and completely legitmate discussion around whether or not Frankie was ever raped by a boat! if you're doing something else with your time at 10pm on Tuesday nights, you're a damn fool. "RW:SD" ... SO BEST!

while we're on the subject, the next version of the "RWRR Challenge", "The Inferno", begins next Monday night at 10pm. so obvs. yes, The Miz is back and, for reasons unbeknownest to all of mankind, Julie The Mormon has gone electroclash! and cross-eyed! BEST!!!

actually overheard at Best Buy last night: "Man, I cannot WAIT they've got 'The Dukes Of Hazzard' [out on DVD]!"

the numbers don't lie. future American Idols are more popular than Hollywood's most famous movie stars. doesn't bode well for this year's Academy Award ratings...

one of your Uncle Grambo's favourite new blogs, Slice, reveals that this Sunday's Super Bowl will mark the debut of a new Pizza Hut commercial starring Jessica Simpson and Miss Piggy. sounds like a perfect time to launch their new 4forALL 'za because, as Adam Slice wisely points out, "the Super Bowl is the pizza industry's Christmas." [via The Real Janelle, another one of my new fave blogs]

yawn. OutKast STILL at #1 on the Billboard album charts.

today's one helluva hott day for the lovely Claire Zulkey. not only is her daily post hee-haw-larious (Rank: The Democratic Party Presidential Candidates ... By Looks), but she also manages to score an entry on this week's Black List. howevs, the lovely Zulkey DOES get points subtracted for not including Peabs on her list of Hott Presidential Candidates. Obvs in `04!

time is on my side

er, not so much. today is shaping up to be heckaslammin', yo. hence, bullet buzz.

• watch Pepsi's new "Gladiator" themed advert, if only for the fact that it reveals previously underrated Beyonce cleavs. and the camp factor of Emperor Iglesi-ASS drinking Pepsis out of a Coleman cooler is hott. [via Vivid Blurry]

• as expected, the majority of the Academy Award press is focusing on Miramax's failure to pick up a Best Picture nod for the first time in 11 years. Harv is blaming it on the shortened season and screener controversy, comparing "Cold Mountain" to other December-released snubees such as "Big Fish" ... this morning's LA Times has the best wrap-up. also, David Poland speculates how this big loss will affect the release pattern around next year's big Miramax project, "The Aviator" (directed by Marty Scorsese and starring Leo DiBestEverio).

• is Nick Cage banging Lisa Ling? i mean, come ON, why settle for Lisa Ling when Jen Chung is on the market?

• Tommy Brady is officially banging Bridget Moynihan. that's my boy!

• yep, Macy Gray still blows.

• Spalding Gray ... still missing.

the mirror has two chins

some say worse than the Bennifer breakup! Barbra Streisand is currently "reading" the script for "Meet The Fockers" ... her manservant, James Brolin, revealed Yentl's interest in the project during a recent interview with "Access Hollywood." NEGATIVE BUZZ!

in yet another installment of "Didn't I Already Read That On Whatevs?", MTV finally gets around to discussing DJ Danger Mouse's highly anticipated "Grey Album" project, a fusion of "The Black Album" by Jay-Z and "The White Album" by The Beatles.

Dear Certain Someone That I Know Who's Currently Writing For MTV,
Her name is Charlotte Church. She's got the voice of an angel, she smokes like a chimney and she looks moderately obvs in a bikini. If you take some time to write some material for her, I'm pretty sure we could resurrect her career (which has been in rapid descent of late). Won't you at least give it a thought? Come on, you know Brit Brit is SOOOO first week of January 2004! Merci, ma cherie.
Avec l'amour,
— Votre Uncle Grambo

once again proving my hypothesis that Big Rack Babes Almost Always Make Fun Of Women With Smaller Breasts, Jen Chung calls out Claire Danes for being flat-chested! BOOYA!

hott ad agency du jour Crispin Porter & Bogusky has stolen the Burger King account right out from under the noses of Y&R. if there's a hotter ad agency going these days (Mini Cooper, IKEA, Borders, Virgin Airlines), i've yet to see it.

stop me, oh ho ho stop me. stop me if you think you've heard this one before. Weiland in rehab ... AGAIN!

there are good ideas and then there are GREAT ideas. this is the latter. Umbrella vending machines ... brilliant!

"LA told me, you'll be a popstar, all you have to change is everything you are" — Pink
well, it looks like maybe LA Reid was the one who should've been changin' with the times. The New York Times profiles the beleaguered music mogul, recently ousted from his job at Arista. just goes to show you, no matter how good you are at developing multi-platinum artists (Pink, Dido, Avril), these days it's all about the bottom line, baby. in a related story, legendary Def Jam pimp daddy Lyor Cohen has been hired to lead Warner Music's North American operations, leaving behind his post at Island Def Jam which was paying a cool $10 mill a year. buzz.

Ad Age examines The Mainstreaming Of Porn. [via Gawker]

speaking of Gawker, all kindsa Midwestern buzz is fueling the site today. for the second time in two weeks, the one and only Foxy Jess has been Gawker'd, this time for her in-depth and scandalous report on Bill Murray's Golden Globe acceptance speech. another notable luminary who is proud to be receiving Choire props is none other than your own Uncle Grambo, recognized for my Harvey Weinstein crackback earlier this morn. hott buzz.

The Grahammy Awards - Film 2K4

To the esteemed members of the FOW Nation,

Re-issue, re-package, re-package! Re-evaluate your thoughts! December is a loathsome month, a month in which every dimwit with access to a keyboard publishes their Top Ten Lists. That is, if you're lucky; many end up with Top Twelve or Top Eighteen in an attempt to differentiate themselves from other list makers. Phooey, I say! If you're gonna make a list, you gotta stick with ten. Ten fingers, ten toes, ten commandments, ten junior bacon cheeseburgers ... anything worth doing is worth doing in increments of ten! And if January 27th is a good enough day for The Academy to announce their nominees for the best of 2003, it's also good enough for your Uncle Grambo! So, without further ado, I present you with Part One (yes, there will be more!) of this year's Grahammy Awards For Film! Obvs all over your tees.

THE BEST FILMS OF 2K3

1. "In America" (directed by Jim Sheridan) — In post-9/11 America, there has been no shortage of communication to remind us how lucky and proud we should be that we live in a country where freedom and opportunity abound. But after two-plus years of being bombarded by charity events and The Axis of Evil and tributes to New York and the horrific images of that day, I will honestly admit to being entirely numb about the tragic events of that day. That is, until I saw this film.
   

   While "In America" ostensibly has nothing to do with 9/11, I found myself enraptured by this fairy tale tribute to the majesty of New York City and, more importantly, the pursuit of the American dream. While that all sounds horribly cliched, Jim Sheridan's semi-autobiographical tale of a family that moves to America in search of a dream (and also to escape a nightmare) struck a chord in me that I have not wanted to shake. It made me remember, realize and reconnect with what it is like to hope and dream, prominently reminding me that long as you have optimism in your heart and convictions in your head, great things can be achieved. And while there were astounding performances across the board (Samantha Morton, Djimon Honsou), I guarantee that you won't find two better performances in the cinema this year than were turned in by real-life sisters Emma and Sarah Bolger. Aside from being completely adorable, their emotional vulnerability and their unwavering sense of belief in the good things the world has to offer will do nothing short of bowl you over. In short, Winner of this year's Grahammy Award for Best Film of 2003. Best evs!
   

   ---

2. "Lost In Translation" (directed by Sofia Coppola) — Not since "Before Sunrise" have the loneliness and isolation that come with travelling on your own looked so romantically appealing. in a world that is just, Bill Murray would be a shoo-in for Best Actor for his performance as an over-the-hill actor who's looking for something to reignite his passion for not only his career, but his life. He stumbles across the path of another adrift soul, portrayed by Scarlett Johannsson, and the two come together in a way that is unique and magical and awe inspiringly best. Some say celluloid perfection.
   

   ---

3. "Master And Commander: The Far Side Of The World" (directed by Peter Weir) — Let's face facts, in terms of epic filmmaking, there is the "LOTR" trilogy and then there is everything else. But while the press focused all of their attention (some say deservedly) on Peter Jackson, there was another movie directed by a Peter that should've grabbed the lion's share of critical and press buzz. It manages to score on BOTH the epic (masterful shots, high suspense, taut drama) and subtle (exquisite detail to intricate human relationships) fronts. Russell Crowe and Paul Bettany both got jacked by The Academy, as their performances were WAY more worthy of attention in this film than in the thoroughly trite "A Beautiful Mind."
   

   ---

4. "Kill Bill Vol. 1" (directed by Quentin Tarantino) — Let's face facts, okay? There are movies and then there are Quentin Tarantino movies, okay? Like, if you're a movie geek, okay, and you've got a love and appreciation for old kung-fu grindhouse movies, then you're gonna flip shit when you see "Kill Bill", okay? while QT's trademark dialogue isn't as prominent here in "Vol. 1" as it is in his other flicks, okay, he more than makes up for it in visual style and cinematographic best everness, okay? and the "House Of Blue Leaves" sequence is the most kickass fifteen minutes that the cinema provided us in 2003, okay? BEST ... okay?
   

   ---

5. "House of 1,000 Corpses" (directed by Rob Zombie) — "Corpses" ... some say the most talked about movie of 2003. i mean, come on, it's "Corpses"! and there's one thousand of 'em! unlike this year's remake of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", director Rob Zombie knew how to strike the right balance between moments that frightened and terrorized and those that played homage to some of the inherent `70s camp. obvs, the sequel is among 2004's most anticipated films. the return of Captain Spaulding. it gets no hotter.
   

   ---

6. "Final Destination 2" (directed by David R. Ellis) — While the first "FD" flick was notable for its level of gore, "FD2" ups the ante on both the gore factor and the creativity and uniqueness of the death scenes. Exploding barbed wire fences that slice and dice, impalement by PVC tubes after airbag deployment (take THAT, OnStar!), 40 foot logs that careen through your front windshield ... hott. And the movie's elaborately staged and intense opening scene involving a massive interstate pile-up is EASILY the year's best action sequence and WAY better than it really deserves to be.
   

   ---

7. "Elephant" (directed by Gus Van Sant) — After the abomination that was "Finding Forrester" ("You're the man now, DOGG!"), I thought for SURE that we had lost GvS to the Hollywood mainstream forevs. But then came 2002 festival favorite "Gerry", a tribute to the films of Andrei Tarkovsky, a film in which you knew that worm had indeed turned for one of the very first breakout indie director success stories. 2003's Palme d'Or winning "Elephant" takes it up another notch; this is a plaintive and meditative film that intersperses the mundane with the tragic. Essential.
   

   ---

8. "28 Days Later" (directed by Danny Boyle) — Yet another comeback film in which a once-promising indie director who had been beaten down by the Hollywood system rediscovers his roots. While "Corpses" and "FD2" have their scares, the stark and grainy realism of "28 Days Later" is 90 minutes of pure cinematic terror. In a plot that somewhat echoes "12 Monkeys" (only without the time travelling), a plague is unleashed on that causes the very essence of civilization to collapse in less than a month. Not for the feint of heart, yo.
   

   ---

9. "Dirty Pretty Things" (directed by Stephen Frears) — No, I'm not talking about Dave Gahan's "Dirty Sticky Floors", I'm talking about this slow-building thriller about illegal immigration in the UK. Audrey Tatou ("Amelie") takes a backseat to Chjwetel Ejiofor's bravura performance as a Nigerian doctor who, while working a job as a bellhop in a posh London hotel, stumbles upon a bizarre murder that involves the trafficking of human organs. Filled with surprising twists and turns, "DPT" ultimately revolves around the sacrifices one sometimes has to make in order to make ends meet.
   

   ---

10. "All The Real Girls" (directed by David Gordon Green) — While it's a crying shame that Terrence Malick makes one movie every 20 odd years, fans of languid and dreamily-paced films will find comfort in the work of David Gordon Green. in his sophomore effort, Green manages to avoid all of the problems that plagued "George Washington"; namely, he wrote a good script this time around. this tale of the heartbreak and pain that's involved when young lovers part is universally best.
    

    ---

Close But No Cigar

• "21 Grams" (directed by Alejandro González Iñárritu)

• "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle" (directed by McG)

• "Finding Nemo" (directed by Andrew Stanton)

• "Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King" (directed by Peter Jackson)

• "School Of Rock" (directed by Richard Linklater)

• "Shattered Glass" (directed by Billy Ray)

• "Thirteen" (directed by Catherine Hardwicke)

don't answer your phone!

attention all employees of Miramax! i suggest that your ass calls in sick this morning, cuz Harv is gonna be PISSED! this morning's Oscar nominations left "Cold Mountain" out, well, in the cold ... puns revealed! yeah, Zellweggs and Jude picked up some acting nods, but "Cold Mizz" got shut out of the running for Best Picture, Best Director and Best Screenplay ("Seabiscuit" totally usurped that Best Pic buzz!). I'm fairly certain that Mr. Weinstein will not be doing backflips down the streets of Tribeca over that Cinematography nod, yo. and you can be damn skippy that Nicole Kidman won't be making any movies with Miramax in the near future ... this is the first time in three years that the former beard for Tommy Cruise didn't end up with a nomination.

while "LOTR:ROTK" and "Master And Commander" are the front-runners for this year's Academy Awards, picking up 11 and 10 nominations respectively, the real story this morning is just how truly crazed this year's Oscars are gonna be ... i mean, come ON! Johnny Depp, Sean Penn and Bill Murray as the favorites for Best Actor? you can't go wrong with any of the three! and if you were looking for surprises this morning, look no further than the Whale Rider herself, Keisha Castle-Hughes¹, who scored a Best Actress nod!!! or how about my boy Fernando Meirelles reeling in a Best Director nomination for "City Of God" (at least SOME people in the Miramax marketing department will escape this rueful morning with their lives). and while it's a big shocker and disappointment that Scarlett Rackhansson got shut out, you gotta love that "Lost In Translation" landed some Best Picture and Best Director props.

stay tuned, The Grahammys will be revealed later this AM. obvs.

glaaaadiator!

er, your Uncle Grambo still isn't sure what to make of the new Pepsi commercial that's set to have its Stateside debut during this weekend's Super Bowl. the spot features Brit Brit, Beyonce and Pink doing some Gladiator Diva style battling for Emperor Iglesi-ASS (i know, i know ... i can only imagine BBDO pitching this to the client). being someone who's dipped their toes in the lukewarm waters of The Ad Game from time to time, I'm perplexed as to why the commercial premiered earlier today over in the UK instead of during the Super Bowl. could it be because the other Pepsi ad (featuring teens who were sued by the RIAA) is garnering way more pre-Bowl buzz? i'm also curious as to why Pepsi decided to re-ink their deal with Brit Brit, especially when everyone knows that she prefers coke! and shmears, is that really Pink or did Slash decide to get a sex change? ooooh, S-N-A-P!!! i'm just hoping that Elizabeth Taylor will cameo with her pitch-perfect line reading of "Glaaaadiator!", 2001 Golden Globe stizz. developing...

the nerve

most FOWs will undoubtedly be upset to learn that i don't have a full recap of last night's Golden Globe Awards ready to feast upon. while i was scribbling notes furiously during last night's ceremony, sooner or later all of those glasses of Maker's are going to catch up with you and render your penmanship illegible. adding insult to injury (and by "injury", I really mean "massive hangover"), my employers had the uncommon NERVE to actually request that i fufill my obligations and actually ACCOMPLISH something today. why, i never!

let me assure you that while your Uncle Grambo's Sunday was indeed spent in full-on recovery mode from a debaucherous Saturday at O'Toole's, there was (quite remarkably) much work accomplished on The 2004 Grahammy Awards For Film. the results of the famed competition will be announced tomorrow morning, alongside nominations from some other group of bozos. but any buzz that those sad old bastards may have had will be usurped by The Grahammys, which were not even held in 2003 due to an overall lack of buzz ("Igby Goes Down" and "About A Boy" notwithstanding). depending on how the rest of the day goes, I may even get around to some Golden Globe hottness. unfortch, dear readers, the chances of this happening do not look promising.

howevs, i won't leave you hanging. while the rest of the world is blogging about the globes, I've got some new sex tape hottness to reveal! and while most of the Western world was hoping the latest home video scandal would involve some saucy starlet, instead we're gonna have to deal with Dr. Julius Erving's erectly tenacious D ... no buzz. i mean, it'd be one thing if the video was taken in Dr. J's heyday, back when he rocked the Fletch-like Fro and got down with some hott `70s poon. but NO, we have to deal with The Doctor wearing metal-framed glasses, sipping white wine and listening to Bob Plant and The Honeydrippers gawd-awful cover of "Sea Of Love." he shoots, he scores, you'll throw up.

this just in! Cameron Diaz has bad skin! no wonder she skipped The Globes last night. well, i mean, ASIDE from the fact that she has no acting skillz whatsoevs. shmears.

Whatevs Watcher revealed! Detroit Pistons Chauncey Billups, Tayshaun Prince and Chucky Atkins at the Oakland University Golden Grizzlies basketball game on Saturday night.

as a Presidential candidate, part of the pre-req is that you're hip to the world's current events. with that in mind, the final nail in the coffin of the Joe Lieberman campaign has GOT to be his recent denouncing of "Grand Theft Auto" ... i mean, are you for reals? why don't you just rally against the crude and lascivious behaviour that the cast of "Married With Children" exhibits? that's a topic that's just as timely! bring Terry Rakolta onto your crack team of campaign staffers and ride the cresting buzz all the way to Washington! tally HO!

in today's edition of "Didn't See THIS One Coming", I submit the following anti-buzz for your consideration. Kobe Bryant's legal team plays The Race Card.