music makes the people come together

your Uncle Grambo has come under some significant fire recently for what's perceived to be my "lack of musical taste" ... the first salvo came from the good folks over at 1115.org when they filed a post they entitled "Save Uncle Grambo". in an attempt to balance out a questionable "Adventures w/Disposable Income" entry, Cashilini, Method One and Namedropper chipped in together and sent me a GC good for $20 at the iTunes store. after a few days of difficulty with internet access at home, I finally got back online and here's what I picked up with their charitable donation:

1. tosca — "honey (markus kienzl dub)"

2. dj food — "spiral"

3. swervedriver — "duel"

4. slowdive — "40 days"

5. siouxsie and the banshees — "cities in dust (single)"

6. recoil — "edge of life"

7. new order — "here to stay"

8. statistics — "hours seemed like days"

9. mogwai — "ratts of the capital"

10. mogwai — "take me somewhere nice"

11. greyboy — "mastered the art"

12. jean grae — "hater's anthem"

13. pete rock — "step up"

14. halou — "feeling this is like to fall awake"

15. the stic — "levitation dub"

16. nicola conte & gianluca petrella — "tema in hi-fi"

17. hilary duff — "come clean"

18. d12 — "six in the morning"

19. yo la tengo — "from a motel 6"

20. yo la tengo — "big day coming out"

I would just like to take this opportunity to thank the 1115.org crew for both the GC and the fine musical recommendations. mucho amounts of buzz, my fine feathered friends. please accept my apologies for the H. Duff purchase, that song is catchy as all get-out. i'm sure the other nineteen selections help to balance it out. obvs.

secondly, I came across Aeki Tuesday's iPod challenge during a webcrawl earlier this week. the instructions were quite simple: open up your MP3 player, set the musical selection to random and then write down the first 20 songs it plays, "no matter how embarrassing." after witnessing 1115.org's and Information Leafblower's playlists, I decided to accept the challenge. here are my (not too embarrassing) results. shmears.

1. six by seven — "10 places to die"

2. jamie myerson — "rescue me"

3. lemonheads — "being around"

4. my bloody valentine — "to here knows when"

5. air — "kelly watch the stars"

6. jeff buckley — "lilac wine"

7. ewan mcgregor — "your song"

8. belly — "now they'll sleep"

9. foo fighters — "everlong (live on howard stern show)"

10. fragile state — "every day a story"

11. prince — "7"

12. iggy pop — "nightclubbing"

13. madonna — "runaway lover"

14. fat joe — "what's love"

15. mary lou lord — "shake sugaree"

16. massive attack — "risingson"

17. men without hats — "the safety dance (extended version)"

18. liz phair — "dogs of LA"

19. jay-z feat. r. kelly — "guilty until proven innocent"

20. gomez — hangover"

assorted buzz plus the laser

i must begin by stating the obvs: starting your friday off with five consecutive hours worth of meetings (including overlapping anti-buzz) blows. in a desperate attempt to hook you up with a few small doses of PHC, i spent five minutes busting around in search of hottness. here's what I came up with.

memo to Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas: try as you may to reinvent yourself as a sex symbol, you'll never be more than the poor man's Taylor Dayne. and try as you might to look like Carmen Electra-Navarro, you just don't have the skillz. snatch. [via Fashion Police on E!]

looks like all those late hours are paying off.

Paul McCartney headlining Glasto this year has about as much buzz as the next Great White tour.

"After all, some of my best stories were inspired by drug-­fueled writing." a quote from Peabs? could be, but instead this one's from Jayson Blair.

three weeks and counting! the field house. "where beer is food" ... BEST! quoth The Coach: "Unbeleivable (sic)!"

The Grizz reviews the new JC Chasez jawn in today's Detroit News, in which the former N Sync'er "(takes) a page out of Jordan Knight’s playbook by reinventing himself as a sex-obsessed freak."

in closing, I would like to deliver to you this memo from whatevs.org's close friend, The Laser (aka Buddis Lembeck) ... buzz.

After a three month sabbatical in the Andes, The Laser is back at The Magic Stick on Thursday's better known as The Big American Party. The Laser had a short set last night due to the (snore snore) extra long set of The High Llamas. The were so quiet and boring that one could actually have a meaningful conversation sans shouting, how often does that happen at The Stick? Never.

The set began at approximately 11:47 in the pm from an undisclosed location (next to the sound board), 27 songs totaling 1 hour 48 minutes and 27 seconds. To quote Russell Hammond of Stillwater, to begin with:

• Ether- Gang Of Four (Fugazi of the 70s?)

• Rodeo Clown- Lifetime (Put the emo in emotional)

• Vapour Trail- Ride (Inspired from Perks of Being a Wallflower)

• Scenes from France- The Promise Ring (Put the lisp in emo)

• gyroscope- The Dismemberment Plan (Put the gargling in vocals)

• Flim- Aphex Twin (Uplifting peppy fun)

• computer love- kraftwerk (mmmm)

• A Journey To Reedham (7am Mix)- Squarepusher (Give me a snare rush)

• Jus' A Rascal- Dizzee Rascal (So much Coachella buzz it hurts)

• Rolling With Heat- The Roots (Did they steal this beat from DJ Shadow?)

• Tipsy- J-Kwon (Fitting)

• What's Your Fantasy- Ludacris (Windows up that's the way I like to fuck)

• The Magic Stick - Lil Kim (Two smoking girls requested it)

• Pink Triangle- Weezer (Current events cut)

• This Charming Man-The Smiths (Morrisey sans gray hairs)

• You Spin Me Right Round- Dead Or Alive (Which came first, this or The Perfect Kiss by New Order?)

• Turning Japanese- The Vapors (Why wasn't this in Lost in Translation?)

• Please Don't Go- Violent Femmes (Underrated Femmes track)

• Brand New Colony- The Postal Service (Imagine Seth and Summer shaking it, I did)

• Wake Me Up Before You Go Go- Wham (Orange Mocha Frappachinos!!)

• Senorita- Justin Timberlake (Inspired/tribute by/to the MandyPants* Post Party)

• Ragtime Interlude / I'm Really Hot- Missy Elliott (DJ could you put that record on the replay?)

• In the Club (close dub)- 50 Cent (Hott remix NIN and 50 together at last)

• Boys (coed remix)- Britney (I like to pretend I'm Pharell)

• Like a Virgin- Madonna

• I Wanna Sex You Up- Color Me Badd (Donna's bests buds)

• Brass Monkey- The Beastie Boys

• She's Gone- Hall and Oates (From the duo that brought you oatestashes)

have a good weekend, y'all. smell ya l8s.

eat your HEART out, HART!

when your Uncle Grambo thinks of legendary gams, the names Tina Turner, Betty Grable and Bea Arthur Mary Hart immediately come to mind. let's face it, Mary Hart has made a career out of having legs that look supafine in pumps and a skirt (it's certainly not her Butterface). but now that the sands of time are passing her by, my homegirl Maria Menounos is positioning herself to take over what's got to be the penultimate "toppermost of the poppermost" position in the world of Celebrity-Focused Televised Newsmagazines (with the lone exception of "The Barbara Walters Interview").

trust you me, if the whole Nancy Kerrigan leg caning incident had gone according to plan, you can bet yo asses that "ET" producers would've gone all Gilooly on Mary Hart's ass by now. and who can blame 'em? Maria's got it goin' on, y'all; she rocks the whole "ethnic but not TOO ethnic" look (see Jennifer Lopez, see Vin Diesel, etc.), she's sharp when interviewing subjects in a "live" setting, she's mos def up there with SJP in terms of her wardrobe and (most importantly?) she's got World Class Tatts. in short, she's appealing to all age groups and all genders. i'm very surprised that she hasn't been snatched up by the networks yet; hell, the hiring of Serena Altschul (highly underrated in my book) proves that they're looking to draw in younger viewers. either way, you just know that Mary Hart ain't long for this world. obvs.

best search string that lead to a whatevs.org click-through evs ... from Google Germany, no less! The douche bags I work for at NBC.

"The Passion Of The Christ" is The Hit of The Century, raking in $15 to $20 mills at The Box Office yesterday alone. i think it has everything to do with the "The" that mysteriously appears before "Christ" in the title of the movie. it's another in a long line of classic nicknames made stronger by the addition of the word "The"; take, for instance, legends like The Gooch or The Grizz or The Chad ("Charlie's Angels" stizz). if a half-star from the critics equates to $26.5 mills worth of box office, then surely inserting a superfluous "The" into your film's title has got to be worth $50 mills. think about it. "Along Came The Polly"? "Confessions of The Teenage Drama Queen"? INSTANTLY more appealing. shmears.

BANZAI!!! after a measly two-episode run on Fox last summer, the good folks at Comedy Central are bringing "BANZAI" back to the small screen. small-time bettors everywhere applaud in support of this decision. [via Nummer]

while I found myself disagreeing with a number of his points, Malcolm Gladwell's recent-ish New Yorker article entitled "Big and Bad: How The S.U.V. Ran Over Automotive Safety" is certainly worth your time. howevs, it's quite disheartening to note that the worst band on the planet have appropriated the name of their next album from Gladwell's opus, "The Tipping Point." long-time FOWs will understand that I'm talking about The Roots. worst. band. ever. edumacated hip-hop blows monkey chunks. [first article via Kottke]

Mr. Skin names "In The Cut" as the Breast Movie of 2003. i'm boycotting after seeing a still of Meg's mounds ... trust me, whatever you've imagined is WAY better than what makes it up on-screen. she makes Diane Keaton look like Heidi "My Baby's Daddy" Klum. and that, my friends, is just plain WRONG!

I forgot about this quote from last night's "Bachelorette" finale until I read this article. when Meredith was bawling solo-stizz in her hotel room on the eve of her big decision, she rhetorically asked the camera the following: "Do I go for the stability and the warmth and the protection, or do I go for the adventure, [the] unstable, passionate [guy]?" in case you didn't watch the show, she picked the latter. note to all of the "Good Guys" out there ... you're fucking wasting your time, yo. women don't effing want stability and warmth, they want instability and adventure! eff Meredith, she lost even more buzz during her time in the limelight than Bachelor Bob.

will you?

worst. proposal. ever. last night's "Bachelorette" finale was disappointing in every imaginable fashion, with one lone exception. in perhaps the single greatest moment for men with chest hair since the December 1980 premiere of "Magnum P.I.", Meredith chose the (mildly) hirsute Ian over the waxed physique of Matthew. but then again, I don't think that there were any opportunities for male toplessness during the series, were there? would Merry still have chosen Ian if she knew that he sported chest hair? the world will likely never know the answer to that question, not to mention the answer to this one: how did Meredith end up tall and pretty when her genetics suggest that she should really be short and lumpy? her brother was the epitome of a DB and her mom mos def fell off the Ugly Tree at some point in her life, managing to hit virtually every branch on the way down. ew.

the always reliable PopBitch is reporting that Mandy Moore is now dating Joel from Good Charlotte. and by "always reliable", i really mean "full of shit" ... i mean, c'mon, she's still dating Andy Roddick, right? or IS she? MWOO AHH AHH! developing...

happy one-year birthday to Yankee Pot Roast, who've declared that they're spending the day Tara Reid-style: "three sheets to the wind and pantless." in addish, I'd also like to wish (a one-day belated) happy birthday to Zulkey.com ... CZ is one of the most buzzworthy peeps I've ever had the pleasure of eating an underground lunch with. and finally, happy "real" birthday to one of our fine Left Coast brethren, Just Jazz. shmears.

"Maybe Phat Farm should make a T-shirt that reads, 'Shopping at Urban Outfitters Is for Old People.'", uh, then again Mr. Russell Simmons, maybe you shouldn't. the one thing that this recent Urban Outfitters "controversy" actually goes to prove is the power of DRUDGE!!! this story "broke" like ten days ago (via the likes of Scott Stereogum and Nick Catchdubs), yet for some reason DRUDGE!!! picked it up yesterday and now it's instantly buzzworthy. i agree with the sentiments expressed over at Wonkette, you know that DRUDGE!!! has lost a step or two when he has to resort to attacking Urban Outfitters instead of digging up sex scandals.

if pandas are the new trucker hats, then are the Baltimore Ravens the new Portland Trailblazers? Ravens all-pro running back Jamal Lewis was indicted on drug conspiracy charges yesterday, specifically conspiring to possess cocaine with the intent to distribute. and in case you don't exactly "follow sports", it's worth noting that Ravens all-pro linebacker Ray Lewis was at one point suspected on double homicide charges (though he later got off). anyway you slice it, 2004 hasn't exactly been a banner year for the NFL.

is it just me or have all of the TypePad sites been loading extremely slow of late?

if this girl is running around Connie NYC's offices, color your Uncle Grambo jealous!

hey Lacey Chabert, HOW YOU DOIN'??? our little Claudia from "P05" is all growz up and lookin' hotter than evs. shmears.

classic Onion: If Al-Qaeda Had A Hockey Team, We'd Kick Its Ass! [via The Clizzark]

when was the last time you spotted a Spartan in the great state of Michigan? those mo's are too busy getting their poles smoked back in Greece to reprezzzent round these parts, natch! meanwhizz, the wolverine species made its triumphant return to this state yesterday after a 200-year absence ... can you say BUZZ!?! think the timing was a coincidence? hellz no. although the Spartys may have beaten us on the basketball court on Tuesday nizz, at least our mascot is kickin' it in Huron County. obvs all over your tees. watch your back, Izzo!

doooood!

for REALS, there's no better way to start your day than by walking into a meeting filled with complete strangers down at the Ren Cen and running into Amit Dot Com! i was all like "no way!", and he was all like "way!", so i sat through the rest of the two-hour meeting laughing to myself. mostly, I was recalling the time that me and Peabs hit The Vu (Ypsi-stizz, natch) with Amit Dot Com. some say best night evs. so many bottomless sodas. b-e-s-t.

but on with the buzz. first things first, I was too busy watching my beloved Wolverines collapse in the final ten minutes of their game versus The Spartys to devote any real attention to last night's proceedings on "American Idol." from what little I did see, I thought that the pink-haired, guy-faced Amy Adams turned in the best perf, although I did not get the opportunity to see the much buzzed about number by LaToya London. i'm going to hesitate to make any predictions after last week's disaster with Lisa, but I will say this: for some reason unbeknownst to your Uncle Grambo, it sure seems that the ladies love that Jon Peter Lewis douchebag ... I would expect him to move forward into the next round.

meanwhizz, over at the "RW:SD" house, things started heating up ... AGAIN! we watched Frankie Real World buy a trucker hat, only to have the words "Dave Rules!" stitched onto it. we watched future (current?) alcoholic Robin resort to drunken violence yet again. we watched Cameran positively FREAK when some club kid busted out coke at an untz club. but whereas I could spend fifteen minutes recapping the insanity, instead I will direct you over to Karen Plus One's hilariously astute recap. definitely going to add this site to my blogrizzo. [via Ultra]

some say Monica Belucci bombs are best evs. while I'm not willing to go THAT far, i will cop to the fact that they're highly underrated. so much Merovignian hottness. shmears. [via The Sun]

some say least anticipated "Batman" evs, including any and all Schumacher directed flix. how's this for your above the line stars? Christian Bale, Ken "Not To Be Confused With Gedde" Watanbe, and Liam Neeson. people who are feigning excitement for this flick should realize that "The Big Bounce" had more frickin' starpower! i know, i know, it's the "Batman" franchise ... but STILL! couldn't they get someone with buzz to be in this flick? how about replacing Katie "Tainted With Chris Klein Cooties" Holmes with Bynes? or, for the role of the villian, how about replacing Cillian Murphy with TMFTML? shatts boombalatts, give me SOMETHIN' to look forward to here. let's just hope that Chris Nolan doesn't decide to film this movie in reverse.

Rachel Hunter (the former Mrs. Rod Stewart) to Penny Lancaster (the current flame of Rod The Bod): "They're real AND they're spectacular!" (I'm paraphrasing, but you get the point).

while I sorta enjoyed The Von Bondies piece in this week's Metro Times, your Uncle Grambo would prefer to steer you towards Chris Handyside's AMAZING article on the Detroit foursome in this month's SPIN. so much frickin buzz. props out to C.Handy, looking forward to meeting him out and about sometime soon. natch.

Miss Modernage reveals Ryan Adams latest attempt to transform into Jack White ... surgery resets!

one of the things that blows about being so effing bizz is that you read cool shit but don't have any time to write about it. with that in mind, check out Coolfer's excellent "think piece" about why he wasn't supportive of yesterday's Grey Tuesday movement. personally, I wasn't down because I think that it sounds like shite. but that's just me.

Pornikova alert! depending on which gossip rag you favor, either she's:
A) packin' on the pounds (NY Post) or
B) making out with Mickey Rourke and/or Marky Mark Wahlberg (NY Daily News).

my sister can't work cuz her arms show TRACKS!!!

quoth the almighty Ice-T, back before he was appearing in motion pictures with demonic leprechauns. but who could forsee that the sentiments that he expressed about the rough and tumble SoCal lifestyle in "Colors" might one day apply to X-Tina?

during a skit entitled "Do You Know Who My Father Is?" on Saturday night's episode of Saturday Night Live, everyone's fave dirrrty diva appeared sporting some NASTY bruising near the elbow on her left arm. multiple sources (including whatevs.org's resident experts Nummer and H-Bomb, as well as The Black Table's Molly "Not The Supermodel" Simms) have been speculating that said bruising looks suspiciously like trackmarks (see jpeg below). has X-Tina been saddling up and riding the white horse? is she going through her Nico phase? most signs would point to no; her public behaviour hasn't been any more erratic of late than at any other time (unless, of course, you count the letter she recently wrote to Britney), so it's tough to tell whether or not she's all H'ed out or not. but as my main man Drudge would say, DEVELOPING!!!

who's got the crack?

Chandler Bing, natch. Matthew Perry falls off the wagon ... again. who wants to start taking bets about how long it'll take for him to crash another sportscar in the midst of a drug-fueled haze? the under is three days and the over is ten. snizz. [via Ye Olde Haggis via Chicha]

while we're on the topic of accreditation of linkage in The Blogiverseosphere™, your Uncle Grambo takes the official position that people who try to place rules around how you should "properly" blog need to stop buggin' and take a chill pill (`88 resets are hott in `04). much like the controversial Gothamist piece on "What Not To Do When You Blog," the last thing that The Intergalaxyofbloggytypesites™ needs are high horse soapboxers who take a self-appointed position of "authority" on how you should blog. and while I personally enjoy reading some of the "arts bloggers" (you know who you are), i can't help feeling that there's a cloud of pretension that's brewing on the horizon of Bloggyville™ (not just within this subset, but in genns). i guess that's why i've found solace of late in visiting sites like The Real Janelle and Jessica Lee Jernigan: Cultural Criticism and Beauty Tips; both are a real throwback to why I started reading blogs in the first place. both sport unique, fresh voices and are devoid of any intent to "make it" in the Blog Game. mucho buzzo.

unlike many, i almost never Google myself. it's mainly because i get my ego-trip on by endlessly lurking on whatevs.org backblogs, so I don't really feel a need to seek out other sources of Mark Graham buzz. but a recent post by Jessica inspired me to give it a whirl. in depressing fashion, the number one Google result for my name is the self-described "King Of Mongrel Folk" ... wtf? durst.

stupid brits, that's a MAN, baby! (NSFW, obvs)

"and you shall know our velocity" ... guaranteed cure for insomnia! regardless of species! SHMEARS.

a victory over the Spartys tonight would be absolutely HUGE for Tommy Amaker and his Wolverine squad's tournament hopes. right now, they are BARELY on the bubble, but a big win tonight would mean a lot for the program and would probably lock in an at-large bid. go Blue!

more NSFW goodies courtesy of The Sun. Kim Cattrall's bombs revealed. final ep of "SATC" stizz. bovs.

lifestyles of the rich and the famous. Posh Spice faints from too many fumes while getting one of those spray-on tans! who knew?

William H. Burroughs, eat yo effin heart out. you thought you could write on drugs? apparently you've never read Peabs:

A jeweler turned a man's glass eye into a ring. While Peabs finds this fucking fascinating, it doesn't even compare to the time Coz turned his left testicle into a set of anal beads and gave them to Alex Sanders for his 14th birthday. Or when I disguised my D™ as a clarinet and made Tempestt Bledsoe play the second movement of Copland's "Appalachian Spring." Schmobvs.

finally, my lack of free-time killed me from bringing you this scoopage. courtesy of Information Leafblower and Ultra, I feel compelled to direct you to this. The Moz + tommyguns = the hottness. so ... much ... buzz!

blood from a stone

advance warning to the FOW Nation: content is likely to be a little sparse this week. a quick survey of my trusty Outlook calendar reveals that your Uncle Grambo only has 14.5 working hours (which I consider 8am to 6pm) this week that AREN'T being occupied by meetings. take five hours out from that for lunch and I'm left with just under 10 hours to accomplish well over 50 hours worth of work. this, my friends, is the definition of no buzz, especially when you just put in five hours on a Sunday evening. anti-shmears.

so imagine my dismay last night as I rolled into my apt from work @ 9:30pm, hoping to tune in to "Curb Your Enthusiasm" on HBO. nope, I had to put up with a full 15 minutes of the "Sex And The City" finale before Larry came on, in which I saw Kim Cattrall's bombs revealed (mildly buzzworthy) and SJP end up in the arms of Big. aw, wasn't that sweet? PSYCHE! i almost ralphed up my Club Chalupa, yo. but I guess one has to direct props in the general direction of the show; for better or worse, it's had a ginormous effect on our culture and, as a pop-culture fiend, I respect shows with that kind of power. howevs, it should be noted that I'm glad to see it go.

this was a big weekend for the Peabs campaign, as MJP's running mizz, The Cos, campaigned in Detroit. while Peabs was out gladhanding at The WAB, Cosby was gathering support during a visit with voters at the Masonic Temple. Flazzum all over your flizzums, natch. Obvs in `04™!!!

this weekend's Oscar Race took a turn for the crazy as Johnny Depp took home the SAG Award for Best Actor for his role in "Pirates", edging out favorites Sean Penn and Bill Murray. i'm still looking for Penn to take home the Best Actor prize come Sunday, but this throws a king-sized monkey in the works ... DEVELOPING!

can someone explain to me how a complete and utter DB like Jack Osborne ends up dating Rod Stewart's smokin' hott daughter? i mean shmears, doesn't she realize that Jack's buzz peaked in 2001? eeesh.

niiiii! Is Monty Python's "Holy Grail" coming to Broadway? more importantly, is Derek Jeter banging Anna Pornikova?

this was a good weekend for the almighty Bynes. while H. Duff still reigns champ in the Teen Queen Scene, Lindsay Lohan's attempt to usurp Bynes' buzz was met with a tepid public response. "Confessions of A Teenage Drama Queen" opened up #2 at the B.O. this weekend but only managed to pull in $9.2 mills, far less than the $11.4 mills that "WAGW" pulled in during its debut weekend last April. howevs, DreamWorks execs cannot be happy with this weekend's fourth place finish for "Eurotrip" ... zero buzz. note to the Marketing Dept: more TrachtenHottness in your promos would equal more butts in seats. shmears.

I told ya so!