SNL Season 31 ... REVEALED!

If there's one thing about the promos that NBC ran all summer long touting the launch of "My Name Is Earl", it's that they were mind-blowingly annoying. So annoying, in fact, that your Uncle Grambo refused to even watch the show. But as the weeks rolled by, and the critical kudos started piling up, I decided to take in an episode on a rainy Sunday afternoon a few weeks ago.

And, wouldn't you just know it, the show is actually good! And I'm not the only one who thinks so; Nielsen has the show ranked just outside of the Top 10 shows among the 18-49 demographic. If you haven't caught an episode yet, your Uncle Grambo suggests setting up the DVR next week. Give it a shot, you won't be disappointed.

As to be expected, NBC is trying to do their best to drive this show's ratings even higher by tapping Jason Lee to host "SNL" this weekend. Let's check in with Nummer and H-Bomb to see how they think he'll fare in this role.

NUMMER	H-BOMB
Episode 5: Jason Lee / Foo Fighters (11/12/05)
This should be the best episode of Season 31 to date. I can't speak for "My Name is Earl", but Lee has been great with everything I've seen him play. His abilities to brighten up projects like "Kissing a Fool" and "A Guy Thing" have only proven he can be funny even if the material is a bit weak. I can also see him mixing well with people like Samberg, Hader and Sudeiks. Those guys, especially Samberg, just strike me as people who hold movies like "Mallrats" in high regard. Foo Fighters should also have no trouble adding coneys to the order. If they play with energy near what was demonstrated at Detroit's stop of the Weezer/Foo Fighter tour last month, perhaps a few extra copies of "In Your Honor" will be sold next week. This will be the Foos' 4th time as SNL musical guest, the most recent being the solid Chrisopher Walken episode back on 2/22/03. Who can forget that performance of "All my Life" when Jim Carrey jumped onstage and played his leg as a guitar completely out of the blue? My only hope is that Foos don't follow Franz Ferdinand and Sheryl Crow's lead and play some crazy old hit just to fill time. We don't really need a performance of "Big Me" right now. Don't be bummed if you find yourself with no plans on Saturday. This should be an episode worth watching.	Jason Lee. So cute and funny with that big goofy smile, but can be such a sarcastic ass at the same time. Sounds like a pretty good combination for hosting SNL. I'm just happy to actually find myself looking forward to an episode of Saturday Night Live since Will Ferrell's return back in May. I've never had any qualms with Lee in any of his roles and hope to find the same results with his hosting ablilities on this week's show. Returning for the fourth time, Foo Fighters will undoubtedly only boost the show's potential goodness with what I'm sure will be a couple of lively sets. Barring the band following the strangely recent musical guest trend of playing year(s) old songs, I'm confident Grohl and gang will be receiving high, if not perfect, coney counts.

Jennifer Aniston: The Highly Exclusive Terry Lawson Interview

Oooh! Wow! Lookie lou! The Freep's own Terrible Lawson managed to score a phone interview with JENNIFER ANISTON (and Clive Owen)!!! Yes, that's right, A PHONER! Can YOU believe IT? All you Metro Detroiters just ITCHING to find out if Jen confided in Terrible Terry about her dalliances with Vincent Van Vaughn (which I'm sure she did!) will have to wait until Friday's edition of The Freep hits newsstands. I, for one, can't hardly wait. CAN'T HARDLY WAIT!

Clinton Portis ... the new Kool Keith?

Dumplings. Cut. Box. CRAZED! `Specially them Dumplings.

Remember the "Just Say Yes" series of CDs that Sire put out in the late `80s and early `90s? You know, the ones that featured a shitload of Mozzer and Mode and Erasure remixes right alongside tracks by the likes of Mighty Lemon Drops, Book Of Love and The Ocean Blue? If so, check it: Just Say Sire. Best. Box Set. Ever! For those that don't have a spare $59 lying around, it's more likely worth your while to read the Pitchfork review, in which the author debates what the "real" alternative music of the 1980s was.

Lara Logan ... universally revered. Best hott journo chick since Melissa Stark.

The video for Coldplay's next single, "Talk", was shot by Anton Corbijn. Brace yourself for the shock of a lifetime ... IT WAS SHOT IN BLACK & WHITE! Quite an artistic stretch, if you ask me.

Looks like your Uncle Grambo will be making the trek to Lakeside Mall for the first time since they got rid of the HydroTube when H&M opens in Spring 2006.

In closing, for your Uncle Grambo's money, the story of Paris Hilton's new boy toy paying some homeless dude a cool hundy to pour a giant soda all over himself wins the award for Best Tabloid Story Of The Month. Maniacally evil and obscenely rich dudes haven't had this much buzz since Steff tried to pork Andie in "Pretty In Pink" ... robvs!

Four More Shmears!

WDIV Channel 4 was wrong. WXYZ Channel 7 was wrong. Even Rob Theakston was wrong. In the end, it was Tim Kiska and Fox 2 Detroit who were the first to correctly report the results of last night's election, in which Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick laid the smack down on Freman Hendrix and won four more years worth of living the T.H.U.G.L.I.F.E on Detroit taxpayers' dollars. Worst.

How on Yahweh's green Earth did this happen? After all, Hendrix whomped Kwame in the August primaries by almost 10 points! While I'm sure this is a story that will be written in the days and weeks to come, at the end of the day, it comes down to this: Detroit loves its underdogs and doesn't trust its media. Not one single major newspaper, television or radio station publicly endorsed the incumbent mayor and Kwame STILL won by 6 points. Redonkulous. Posse up, y'all ... it's gonna be a bumpy ride for The D™ after the Super Bowl passes through town and the money and energy moves elsewhere.

Detroit ... some say dunzo.

Electioneering

Election Day. Sort of a mixed bag, if you ask your Uncle Grambo. While I'm kinda pissed that I don't get a vote in the city which takes 1.5% of my pre-tax salary on the 15th and 30th of every month, it's never a bad thing to have a no strings attached day off from work. Word.

But for those of you who ARE Detroit city residents, today is the day. Today is the day where you get to pick the man who's going to run the city that you live in and the city that your Uncle Grambo works in for the next four years. If you listen to The Detroit Free Press, that man should be Freman Hendrix. If you listen to The Detroit News, that man should also be Freman Hendrix. But while the polls and the media have clearly been on the side of Hendrix throughout the course of this race, anyone who has ever taken a high school Civics class knows that you can NEVER underestimate the power of an incumbent.

While I don't normally delve into the world of politics, I thought that I would turn the floor over to Rob Theakston this A.M. to get his thoughts on what might very well turn out to be the most important mayoral election The D™ has during our lifetimes. Take it away, Rob:

Hi there. This morning I avoided all of the radio hype, all of the media blitz and whatnot that I’m sure is currently ensconced on every front page and news bulletin in our fair city. Today is a pretty crucial day for Detroiters; just as equally important as the election we had a year ago to decide the fate for the presidency. To me, the choice for the next mayor is crystal clear, but I’m not in the shoes of the average Detroiter and I’m sure the conditions and perception are different when you’re living on the east side in an impoverished area looking for someone to believe in; someone who presents himself/herself as some sort of mayor with superpowers who can eradicate crime and poverty, balance the city budget, offer adequate city services, public transportation and grow the economy with new jobs and attract and develop new industry to the area. Things are a shade more comfortable on the other side of 8 Mile. I’m not saying things are all rainbows and puppy dogs and the suburbs don’t have their fair share of troubles, but they’re certainly of a different pedigree and volume than the ones the residents of Detroit endure on a regular basis, especially as Detroit’s crime rate per capita increases. A lot of this race has been divided up by the media as a class war, or even a question of who exactly is the more African-American of the two candidates. To which I say: Ain’t that just a damn Detroit thing to do? What other city in the nation can we have two qualified African-American men running for mayor in a city with a high, if not THE highest, concentration of African-American residents per capita, and STILL make it about race? Somehow, Detroit has managed to do that. Nevertheless, this isn’t an election about race as much as it is about class and integrity. Both candidates possess qualities the other is sorely lacking. For example, Kilpatrick is a charismatic speaker; engaging, passionate and ready to defend his city like the hip-hop soldier he is. Meanwhile, Hendrix has the charisma of a shredded wheat biscuit, but has a more dignified air that appeals to the elderly voters of Detroit; a graciousness that is lost on many of us growing up in recent times. Hendrix has experience, but conveniently dumps that experience on the shoulders of Archer whenever the Kilpatrick administration points out a shortfall of the previous administration. And of course, we have all of the open allegations against the Mayor and his rat pack, Las Vegas mentality: the mansion party, Navi-gate, abuse of petty cash etc. etc. It doesn’t help that all of this has been covered in sludge by both campaigns; distortions of truth, manipulation of statistics and allegations of media bias have made it hard for even the stealthiest of people to get accurate information on which to base an opinion. This rant has gone on much longer than I intended it to be, and I’m sure it could go on longer. But I’ll cut to the chase: PREDICTION Hendrix 51 Kilpatrick 46 Opting out of voting/Other 3 Look for a surprise or two in the City Council race. If there’s any justice in this election, Kenneth Cockrel Jr. will ascend to his rightful place as City Council President. Jo Ann Watson will no doubt contest it. People will still vote for Maryann Mahaffey (even though she’s now made several public statements asking people NOT to vote for her) and there’ll be a special election. Don’t be surprised if you see a few familiar faces step up to the podium for that one, including candidates who lost in the general election, perhaps a celebrity lawyer, and maybe a failed mayoral candidate or two. Jackie Currie will somehow win re-election, but it will be contested. Come to think of it, watch for the losing mayoral candidate to challenge voting results based on her alleged tampering of the absentee ballots. Without careful handling of this delicate situation, we may have an Election 2000 situation all over again. No matter what happens today, Detroit is at a crucial fork in the road unlike anything it has seen in decades. What path Detroiters opt to take will make all the difference. — Rob Theakston

Logan International

So there I was last night, nursing a bottle of the Champagne of Beers whilst marinating on the couch. Up to that point, it had been a relatively normal Sunday; your Uncle Grambo rose around 10, stretched, spent an hour with Russert, paid witness to another crushing (yet unsurprising) Lions defeat, then dozed off afterwards to reminisce the days where Barry Sanders made motherfuckers miss each and every Sunday. I finally stirred somewhere in the neighborhood of 1900 hours. Then, as is customary in my household, when the clock strucketh 7pm, the cable doth got switched to CBS ... after all, it's "60 Minutes" time.

It was there and then, dear FOWs, that I saw the future of television news. As I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, I was dazzled to see the very vision of beauty on my telly where the harrowing visage of Lesley Stahl should've been. Just as the high speed electrons emitting from the heated cathode of my WEGA's vacuum tubes burned an image on my TV screen, Lara Logan's undeniably riveting countenance and PROPER British accent were emblazoned upon my brain. But just as I began to conjure images of this delightfully naughty strumpet munching on crumpets, I thought of Tom Grunick. Surely, Lara Logan is just a pretty face, right?

Not. So. Much. You see, Lara helmed what this viewer felt was a surprisingly powerful story on how US Armed forces deal with the daily dangers on Airport Road in Baghdad. In the place of the kind of celebrity puff pieces that the "60 Minutes" crew has acquiesced to running in the wake of Don Hewitt's departure, it was refreshing as all get out to see a young-ish filly (looking for the world like a less-gummy Liz Phair) participating in night raids on insurgent strongholds and walking right ALONGSIDE US soldiers as they disarmed road bombs -- all the while rocking short sleeves and truly sensational cleavage. Holy crapballs, we've NEVER seen Diane Sawyer do this! If she would've been sporting a pair of 9mms and some Daisy Dukes, this viewer would've SWORE that Lara Croft herself changed her last name to Logan. In addition to all that, she's got the kinda steely nerve and get-you-off-your-game hottness (made doubly dangerous by her naughty librarian type of voice) that allows her to render men almost instantaneously indefensible and willing to answer and every question, no matter how incriminating¹.

Good show, CBS. My only question to the uppers at CBS is this: why have you been hiding this sensationally brainy British beauty all this time? As Hova once sang, isn't it time to "Bring 'em out / bring 'em out / bring 'em out"? Here's to more Logan and less Bradley in the future.

¹ Example: last night, she got Lt. Col Geoffrey Slack's to actually say "My wife wouldn't want you to hear this, but..."! Brills murray!